There is no wang. We repeat, there is no wang! Playgirl's seen the results of last week's photo shoot, and while there may be glimpses of Levi Johnston's baby maker, there is no full-frontal shot. Let the blame game begin!

Levi Johnston is coming. Not to dinner with Sarah Palin, but to the pages of Playgirl. The pictures have now been taken, and a detail-laden missive from the Dr. Frankenstein of Playgirl, Daniel Nardicio, has been whipped out for us.

Sarah Palin may have invited her daughter's babydaddy to Thanksgiving dinner, but the future Playgirl centerfold will not be passing the yams with the Palins. He turned down her offer, saying she's "full of it."

Naomi Watts leaving the Smile Cafe on Bond Street ... ... Hugh Jackman walking downtown ... Miley Cyrus leaving Bergdorf Goodman through the back door ... Sienna Miller coming home from the gym and later walking her dog in SoHo ... Elijah Wood getting lunch at The Market & Cafe in Greenport, New York ... Levi Johnston leaving the Portofino Tanning Salon on the Upper West Side ... Derek Jeter filming scenes for The Other Guys at Nathan's on Coney Island ... Chris Brown arriving at the studios of Wendy Williams Show in Midtown ... and Liev Schreiber carrying a cup of coffee in SoHo.

• In what may be the weirdest celebrity extortion attempt ever, a German male model named Edis Kayalar has been arrested for trying to blackmail Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber with a "sexy" photo of the couple's then 7-year-old daughter "in revealing clothing, bound to a chair and gagged." Apparently, the pic had been taking by the girl's former babysitter during an innocent game of cops and robbers and she used to date Kayalar. [NYDN, People]
• All those phone calls that Michael Lohan recorded may ultimately land him in jail (again). A 2005 protective order obtained by Dina Lohan banned him from communicating with her by email or phone until 2011. [TMZ]
• Spend enough time on Twitter and you, too, may find yourself dating a beautiful young starlet! Emmy Rossum says her relationship with Counting Crows singer Adam Duritz "began with a Tweet," believe it or not. [People]

The New York liberal media elite has been nice so far, laughing with him rather than at him. Today, they seem to have tired of their plaything.

Sarah Palin has bestowed the immeasurable honor of Going Rogue's first read to the Associated Press. (Greta van Susteren cried into her pillow, we hear.) Between that and a handful of leaks, here are the juiciest tidbits and omissions. (Updated)

We have confirmation from the set of Levi's Playgirl shoot that he has just posed naked with a hockey stick: "His ass is as smooth as a Sade song." Mark your calendars. This is officially Levi Johnston's Penis Appreciation Day.

At this very moment, Levi Johnston is undressing for a Playgirl photo shoot. But last night he was at The Box accepting an award from Fleshbot while a scrum of reporters poked and probed the Wasilla boy for a story.

Let the record show that last night the Manhattan media crowd descended on The Box to see a youth from Wasilla receive a silver dildo for showing his penis. Photographs by the wonderful Nikola Tamindzic and Hee Jin Kang.

Iman crossing the street in SoHo ... Meg Ryan leaving Pastis after having lunch ... Jeremy Sisto pushing his daughter in a stroller in the West Village ... Sienna Miller getting in an SUV in Midtown ... Naomi Watts walking downtown with her son and her dog ... Katie Holmes shooting scenes for The Romantics in Southold, Long Island ... Levi Johnston walking around in a hoddie and holding a Men's Warehouse shopping bag ... Katharine McPhee checking in for a flight at LaGuardia ... Shakira leaving MTV studios in Times Square ... and Ashley Tisdale going to dinner at Ollie's on West 42nd Street.

[City mouse Tinsley Mortimer hangs out with small-town boy Levi Johnston last night at the awards show our dirty sibling Fleshbot put on [NSFW, naturally] at The Box. Our comprehensive party report is over here. Image via Getty]

• Was Lindsay Lohan dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death? That was what came out yesterday when the latest clip from Michael Lohan's vast archive of recorded phone conversations was posted online. (Dina Lohan can be heard expressing concern that Lindsay was headed down the same path.) On tap for today? A call between Dina and Michael in which she tells her ex-husband that Lindsay has been cutting herself. [NYDN, NYP, Radar]
• Alleged David Letterman extortionist Robert "Joe" Halderman appeared in court yesterday where his lawyer asked a judge to drop all the charges against the former news producer. The reason? Halderman's $2 million demand wasn't blackmail, silly. It was a legitimate business proposal in which Letterman could have first dibs on his screenplay, naturally. [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• Rihanna says she put on the tightest dress she could find to pick up Glamour's Woman of the Year award on Monday night at Carnegie Hall. She also spent $50,000 flying in her mom, aunts and brothers from Barbados to join her at the event. One person who was missing from the festivities: Her dad, who RiRi recently said abused her mom while growing up. [P6, NYDN]

The magazine wanted the Hotel on Rivington penthouse, but only offered $4.83 and some gum wrappers. "Their offer was well below the current rental rate. They were politely declined," said an anonymous rep for the hotel, according to Page Six.

[Levi Johnston (second from left) seems unimpressed with his company—Jon Gosselin and co-hosts Lara Spencer and Chris Jacobs—when filming a guest spot on The Insider yesterday in Times Square. Image via Bauer-Griffin>]

• A judge has granted a temporary restraining order barring Jennifer Lopez's ex, Ojani Noa, from distributing a sex tape starring his former wife/benefactor. The order is only in effect for a day and another hearing is scheduled for today, so J. Lo's sex-filled 1997 honeymoon may still see the light of day yet. [TMZ, Reuters]
• Malaysian party boy (and clubland savior) Jho Low celebrated his 28th birthday last week at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas with "bikini-clad party girls and surrounded by caged lions and tigers." Later, he partied with Paris Hilton, Usher, and Jamie Foxx, who reportedly "gifted the birthday boy" with a red sports car for some reason. Apparently, Low is often mistaken for photographer Chance Yeh, so make sure you don't get these two mixed up. A tip: Low is one buying 120 bottles of Cristal. [P6]
• Robert "Joe" Halderman, the guy accused of trying to extort David Letterman, appears in court today and his lawyer is expected to ask the judge to dismiss some of the charges against him. How long he'll be able to afford a lawyer is unclear. He's raised $100,000 for his legal defense fund, but he was also suspended without pay by CBS recently, too. [NYP, MSNBC]
• Madonna wants to clear a few things up: Yes, she's going to Brazil, but no, it's not to meet Jesus Luz's mom. She's going "strictly for fundraising and humanitarian purposes," thank you very much. [P6]

Not only is Levi Johnston our hero for taking his penis out for all the world to admire, but also because he's standing up to The Man. Now he's suing for custody rights of his son, Tripp.

Today's theme: Creepy family moments involving digital recording devices. Miss California's mom saw her solo sex tape, Michael Lohan sold "secret recordings" of Lindsay, and we assess the likelihood for a Jon Gosselin Playgirl spread. Horrifying gossip, here we come.

I'm not entirely sure why they're so compelling. But here are pictures of Levi Johnston's arrival in New York for his Playgirl shoot, where he'll put Alaska's Most Famous Loin in print, via Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio. Girls: go crazy.

Joe Jackson: dick, obviously. That Slumdog Millionaire kid, the theory: huge wang. Levi Johnston: famously awaited dong. Jon Gosselin, dickfore. King Bloomberg? You tell me. Paula Abdul, Fergie, Josh Duhamel, Adam Duritz, DMX. Presenting your Dicktacular Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.