Lindsay Lohan's lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley has been told by the judge that she can't leave the case until a substitution of attorney is filed, or she says Lindsay's name three times into a mirror at night. [Page 6]

Lindsay Lohan gets a new lawyer, and he talks funny. A bunch of weddings happened. The Situation's exercise DVD should be good. Gaga enrages Beatles fans by playing music. Sunday's Gossip Roundup is distracted by the upcoming World Cup final.

Mel Gibson gets dropped by his talent agency. Ryan Seacrest picks up the tab. Lindsay Lohan won't be able to smoke in prison. James Franco dishes on fake sex with Julia Roberts. Saturday's gossip roundup looks like a Vegas Whore.

Let's take a look back at this dizzying post-holiday week. Starlets were cruelly imprisoned, Jesus appeared in a pornography magazine, and someone was excited to meet Sarah Palin.

When Fox News' Shep Smith asked Michael Lohan why he didn't do more to help daughter Lindsay before she was given jail time, he exploded and dropped the F-bomb. The Lohans: keeping it classy since 2002. Click through for video.

This interactive video allows you to move from decision to decision during LiLo's court appearance and surrender. Most of the options are either "cry hysterically" or "take it like a normal human being," but either way it's hilarious.

[Lindsay Lohan, the artistic mind behind the world's first contempt of court by reason of manicure, drops by Dick Blick Art Materials in Los Angeles. Israeli maybe-girlfriend Eilat Anschel, Dina Lohan, and Ali Lohan were also there. Image via Splash.]

Perez Hilton claims this song, entitled "Too Young to Die," is a leaked Lindsay Lohan track: "Crashing my car coming flying through the windshield... I'm oh I'm too young die." Where did this stunning display of tone-deafness come from?

Finally, some Lindsay Lohan news! (Kind of.) An out of place middle-aged man has been identified in photos from Lohan's New Year's Eve trip to St. Barth's: Jeff Greene, weird billionaire Democratic Senate candidate from Florida!

After a brief vacation from his usual craziness, Glenn Beck really delivered this afternoon. In a segment discussing journalistic integrity, Beck channeled his inner Lindsay Lohan—fingernail messages and all—to take a shot at MSNBC. Video inside.

Shawn Chapman Holley has announced she'll no longer be serving as Lindsay Lohan's defense attorney. (Apparently LiLo replaced her with this lady, "who was just admitted to the bar in November," per TMZ.) Also, LiLo may soon lose another lawsuit.

Today at Gawker.TV, a look inside Lindsay Lohan's future jail cell, Ke$ha likes her men fat and bearded, Fox and Friends discuss their favorite J.Lo movies, and in case you missed it: Steve Carell's must-see appearance on the Colbert Report.

It's been a long trip for Lindsay Lohan from semi-promising actress to expectant jailbird. But let's talk about what's really important: how she looks. Below, a timeline of Lindsay's descent from budding starlet to drugged-out mess.

January 2007: Lindsay goes to rehab for the first time and comes out looking like the pretty little princess we first met in The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday.

[Image via Getty]

Lindsay Lohan is reportedly angling for $1 million for her first post-jail interview, and going to prison could end up boosting sales of her clothing line, too. "Financially, it's the best thing that could have ever happened to Lindsay."

The Today Show took us inside the Lynwood Women's Facility, aka Lindsay "I'm The Victim of Constitutional Injustice" Lohan's future home for 90 days. Guess what? It looks a lot like... jail! But with a pink and green color scheme.

Lindsay's "fuck u" manicure was "a joke," but her Cato Institute-quoting tweets aren't. New Mel Gibson tapes apparently show him telling Oksana she "deserved" physical abuse. Ryan Seacrest's beard commits—with sexy photos? Thursday gossip speaks truth to power.

New York Post sex columnist Andrea Peyser is positively smitten with America's heartthrob, Lindsay Lohan. It's so obvious. Andrea's just like a little kid, spewing false insults at her crush object to cover up her undying love.

Lindsay Lohan has been having something of a Twitter freakout tonight. Maybe she's very concerned about an Iranian woman who may be stoned to death for adultery. Or maybe she's trying to draw an ill-avised parallel to her own case.

While rounding up this morning's news, Brian Kilmeade addressed Lindsay Lohan's upcoming 90-day jail sentence. The real tragedy? No new Herbie the Love Bug sequel.