• Madonna's most recent effort to change hearts and minds in Malawi: She pleaded her case in a letter to the country's Nation newspaper, writing that she wants to provide Mercy "with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and health care possible." [Us, NYP]
• Madonna may want to take a cue from Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: The couple had their adoption request turned down by Bhutan recently, but they're now moving on to the Philippines, according to Britain's Daily Mail. [NYDN]
• Kipton Cronkite's life appears to be headed downhill: The art world scenester has lost his job and apartment, and he's living rent-free with a rich teenager on the Lower East Side. [P6]
• Ruth Madoff will have to find a new stylist: She's been banned from the Pierre Michel Salon "out of respect for the salon's other customers." [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan's mental condition isn't improving: Friends now say she "barely sleeps" anymore, and she "can't even sit down for a minute without pacing around the room." [People]

So wrong: While Billy Joel wonders if his third wife is cheating, and Bruce Springsteen's wife ponders whether he destroyed a marriage, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt prepare for a second blissful wedding.

• It looks like mischief runs in the family. Martha's daughter Alexis has been forced to pay $990,000 in back taxes and a $110,000 fine to the IRS, although she's blaming her accountant for the "mix-up." [NYP]
• Casey Greenfield gave birth to a baby boy the other day, but she still isn't saying who the father might be. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan got a "post-breakup makeover" consisting of a new hair color and a new tattoo, in case you're keeping track. [People, NYP]
• Jennifer Lopez has so many wigs, she has an entire room devoted to them. Or so says Star magazine. [Star]

• Is Billy Joel planning to split up with Katie Lee? That's what the Enquirer is claiming this week, suggesting that Katie's "cozy relationship" with "hunky designer" Yigal Azrouel has caused Billy to consider dumping her. But not until his tour ends in November, which doesn't make much sense. [National Enquirer]
• A New Jersey man says Bruce Springsteen caused the breakup of his marriage. In divorce papers, he alleges Bruce and his estranged wife have been having an affair since the two met up at a local gym more than a year ago. [Star]
• Michael Phelps "skeeved out onlookers" at Marquee on Tuesday by drinking straight from a bottle of vodka and "dancing like a loon," all while making out with his cocktail waitress girlfriend. [NYDN]
• Breaking! Brad Pitt took sons Maddox and Pax to a Dunkin Donuts in Oyster Bay yesterday morning just like a "regular guy." [Star]

Being half of a celebrity twosome has its perks, not least of which is starpower greater than the sum of its parts. But there are certain rules that should be observed. Do not, under any circumstances, appear in a treacly magazine spread rhapsodizing about your love, or you will be broken up within a month. And please, resist the temptation to get matching tattoos, especially each other's names, as history has taught us that even the most inspiring and rock-solid romantic unions—Lindsay & Sam! Chris and Rihanna! Britney & K-Fed!—cannot survive the curse of the matching ink.

• Paris Hilton is getting married! Well, sort of. America's original celebutard told reporters that boyfriend Doug Reinhardt is "going to be my husband," and now friends say they're planning a summer wedding in the Bahamas. These two are going to be together forever, just you wait and see. [E!]
• The Lindsay Lohan-Sam Ronson trainwreck rolls on: Ronson seems to have changed her mind and decided she no longer wants a restraining order; LiLo says she's "devastated" by the breakup and that everyone has turned on her. Now Lohan's friends say they're worried she's suicidal. [People, Us, TMZ]
• You didn't expect Michael Lohan to pass up a PR opportunity, did you? He says he's cleared his schedule and put aside his "numerous commitments" to help Lindsay through this crisis. [OK!]
• Madonna isn't taking her legal defeat in Malawi very well: Not only did she send her kids to stay with Guy Ritchie so she could "drown her sorrows" with Stella McCartney, she wore an "uncharacteristically mumsy outfit," too, which can't possibly be a good sign. [Sun, DM]

One might assume that months of teary, yelling, storming-out fights between Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson sated readers' appetites for details of the couple's drama. But it just made everyone hungrier for the big breakup.

Farewell, last season's Suri Cruise fashions. Goodbye, Amy Winehouse's bathing suit. Adieu, humanoid version of Lauren Conrad. And so long, LiLo and SamRon's fairytale romance.

• Is it finally over between Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson? Her mom and sister certainly hope so: The two were spotted with Sam at a police station yesterday to "look into filing a restraining order" against Lindsay, although LiLo appears to still be in denial, telling E! that they're just taking a "brief break." [Us, E!]
• Madonna was crushed to learn her adoption petition had been rejected by a judge in Malawi—"I can't believe I'm leaving my beautiful baby behind"—but baby Mercy's uncle is now supporting her appeal, for whatever that's worth. [MSNBC, Sun]
• CNN's Campbell Brown had a baby boy yesterday. [HuffPo]
• Who does Scarlett Johansson have to thank for her new bod? Gwyneth Paltrow, apparently, since she reportedly introduced Scarlett to her trainer Tracy Anderson who put her on a "rigid diet." [Sun]

• Is Anne Hathaway going to replace Victoria Beckham as Marc Jacobs' latest muse? That's the rumor, at least. [Daily Mail]
• One more rumor: It's said Olivier Theyskens may be taking over at Halston. [Hint]
• It's not all bad news on Madison Avenue: Jil Sander and Nanette Lepore both have stores opening in the next few months. [FWD]
• Lindsay Lohan's latest brand extension? A line of panty hose, naturally. [WWD]
• Barneys is getting a small (but much-needed) infusion of cash. [NYP]
• Filene's Basement is not bankrupt. Not yet, at least. [NYP]
• Jessica Joffe goes topless for Katy Rodriguez. [Pipeline]
• The Cut has the list of every piece of clothing Michelle Obama wore on her trip overseas. And it includes the Alaïa cardigan that she wore twice. [NYM]

People get married more than once, and they also break up more than once. Country music and poop go together like Gary Coleman and movies about little people. Plus news of the Real Housewives.

• Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen's wedding party in Costa Rica on Saturday was rather eventful: Two paparazzi photographers claim that members of the couple's security team opened fire on them as they tried to score shots of the festivities. [NYDN, NYP]
• A former nanny who worked for Robert De Niro and Grace Hightower is suing the couple for failing to pay more than $40,000 in unpaid wages. [P6]
• More drama for Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: At the launch of Charlotte Ronson's I Heart Ronson line for JCPenney this weekend, Lohan had to be "restrained from coming in by five security guards." [OK!]
• The people of Malawi can breathe a sigh of relief: Madonna left the country on Sunday and returned to London. [People]

New beginnings can be heartbreaking: John Mayer's new breakup song sounds ridiculous and transparent, but Paris Hilton's brother's new life plan is even worse. Way worse.

• The Obamas headed over to London today on their first trip overseas since Barack took office and the big topic of discussion is Michelle's wardrobe, of course: She was wearing Thakoon as she boarded the plane, but she emerged in a Jason Wu dress when she got off. But tomorrow she meets the Queen, so expect things to really get crazy. [NYM, SW, Style.com]
• Kate Moss will cut the ribbon at the Topshop opening on Thursday, naturally. [WWD]
• Tips on surviving the big opening from your pals across the pond. [Guardian]
• Richard Chai may be the new creative director at Bill Blass. [FWD]
• Agent Provocateur just launched its new swimwear collection. [Pipeline]

Blogs, Facebook, and Twitter were supposed to liberate famous people from old-media gatekeepers. But John Mayer, Courtney Love, and others are teaching us that public figures are terrible at shaping their own image.

• It seems Michael Wolff is finally coming clean about intern-turned-girlfriend Victoria Floethe: The author and Vanity Fair contributor brought her to a tasting at Graydon Carter's Monkey Bar last week and now admits he and his wife Alison Anthoine are planning to divorce. [P6]
• This will probably come as a huge surprise given his upstanding reputation, but it's rumored Bernie Madoff hasn't been faithful to his wife all these years, and may have cheated on her on a couple of occasions. [R&M]
• A "friend" of Joe Biden's daughter Ashley has been trying to sell a tape of her allegedly snorting cocaine for $250,000. [NYDN]
• Madonna appeared in a Malawian court today to discuss her adoption of a four-year-old girl, but a judge put off a decision until Friday. [AP, NYP]

A LiveJournal user says the brilliant mind behind the crazed tweets of celebrity mom Dina Lohan is a 24-year-old Michigan man named Matt Cherette. Cherette, who's confessed, has a career in Hollywood awaiting him.

A fashion designer has sued wacky-mess rocker Courtney Love for libel on MySpace. Love's response? Going on a blabby Twitter rampage and accusing Lindsay Lohan of stealing drugs.

Either Lindsay Lohan's entire crazy family is really on Twitter, or the world's best comedy writers have taken to the medium. Here are Dina Lohan's Twitter tales of bad tea, insidious censorship, and "HATERS."

• Madonna's kicked boytoy Jesus Luz to the curb and is thrilled to be single again, reports Britain's Daily Mail based on the things she's been telling fans on Twitter. But as the Times reminds us today, lots of celebs only pretend to use Twitter, so you don't have to give up hope entirely just yet. [DM]
• In related news, Madonna is expected to arrive in Malawi this weekend so she can add another baby to her collection of human accessories. [NYDN]
• Agyness Deyn and Albert Hammond Jr. only broke up recently, but she may have already moved on: She was spotted at a "rebound dinner" earlier this week. [P6]
• More trouble for CNBC: The network's golden boy, Dylan Ratigan, may be heading out the door after clashing with management. [P6]
• Ivana Trump may have reunited with her ex, Rossano Rubicondi. [P2L]
• Mega real estate broker Kathy Sloane has been hit with $248K tax lien. [P6]