Take a gander at up-and-comer John Mulaney as he discusses the first time he came off as threatening to someone.

I must've inadvertently done a rain dance to the gossip gods yesterday, because here at Gawker Weekend HQ, Christmas is here. Not often do I get too many O RLY?! moments like this. Everyone, meet my boss Nick's new neighbor:

Do you wish you understood this whole Twilight vampire movie saga thing but you don't want to waste time sitting and watching a bunch of sissy vampires prance around onscreen for two hours? Then this video is for you.

No, seriously. John Mayer songs are great! Have you listened—like, really listened—to "Daughters"? That's a song. But why does John Mayer think it's awesome to give rapey quotes?

The 10-year-old boy that refuses to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance in Arkansas because of gay marriage has been all over the news recently. This brave kid is (predictably) being harassed at school. No more!

Mike Rowe really is a Renaissance man. Television host, opera singer, handyman, stage actor, QVC salesman, cartoon pedophile. Wait, what?

The girls who brought us the McNuggetini (also of This is Why You're Fat fame) have created yet another gag-worthy dish: the Ham Daiquri. The name itself is vomit-inducing, but somehow these girls make the drink oh so appealing.

Where was David Wain while his cohorts were taking over twitter and filming Michael and Michael have issues? He's doing just fine on his own with stand-out web show, Wainy Days.

Fresh off their Guide to Man Style, Details bring us "Gabe & Max's 100 Seconds." In this clip, Gabe and Max prove that the only thing better than sixty seconds are a hundred!

The instructor's song goes, "Yogi is my name, a healthy mind and body is my game. I live out in a farm and do yoga in a barn." Keep this man far away from your children.

Love ignoring your wife? Hate when she says "are you even listening to me?!" Then your answer is the Spatsolver, a device that records the last five minutes of every conversation and delays your marriage from impending doom.

He was given the Silent Film treatment. He was remixed to too many songs to count. Now he faces the final boss that will not die.

The only thing better than an old joke is when it's being old by an old Jew. Here are our top ten favorite Old Jews Telling Jokes jokes.

Two fun facts on stylish Jersey-Shore-via-Tehran Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: 1. He might be Jewish. 2. Iran is now definitely capable of producing a working nuclear bomb that could basically wipe his maybe-Yid Israeli relatives out of existence. Fun!

Ah, yes: always good for laughs is someone getting tazed and then spontaneously combusting into flames. Okay, maybe not hysterical, but Fox News anchors still can't not giggle at the guy's mugshot, and then, make a joke about keyboard cleaner.

Every publication enjoys the "pleasure" of hearing from their readerships often, but especially from crazies, who love to write in. Today, someone's helpful ideas for the beleaguered, layoff-happy New York Observer, involving Jews, horses, and the "Heroic Destiny Squad."

Well, as you've probably seen today, this website and a bunch of other websites like it weren't working because we were too busy stealing...coffee, from Variety! Great place. Anyway, here's a video of a sleepwalking dog.

Ah, Modern Love: the New York Times' intellectualizing of chemicals that float between us. Many are awful, some are wonderful, and most are uncomfortable. Today's no different, as they answer an..age-old..question: are old people fucking?

What do you get when you mix the potent trends of Russian oligarchs buying pop stars for private concerts and Kanye West getting booed? The funnest New Year's Eve story of awful 2008!

Lee Abrams is back—in memo form! The most high innovative exec at Tribune Co., Abrams' job is just to sit around and compose memos full of CAPITALIZATION and deep thoughts on the newspaper industry. Which are classics! His new memo includes the following things: his thoughts on redesigns; one of his old blog posts, in its entirety; a list of the top-grossing music acts of 2008; and a disquisition on old and ratty hotels. After the jump, enlightment: