Gnomish billionaire Sam Zell has announced that he'll soon be leaving Tribune Co: "I will turn it over to whoever the creditors decide they want to run it, and wish them a lot of good luck." Thanks for nothing, jerk.

Tribune Co. Clown-in-Chief Lee Abrams has been suspended after sending a poorly-timed memo linking to a video about "Sluts." By our reckoning, that was only the tenth-dumbest thing he's done since his reign of goofball memo terror began. ATTACK!

Sarah Murdoch—daughter-in-law of Rupert and host of Australia's Next Top Model—has a very good explanation for why she announced the wrong winner on live TV: At the moment of truth, nobody told her who won, so she guessed.

American Apparel is having a terrible summer. First, their photo-based, no-uglies-allowed hiring practices got them lots of bad PR (from us). Simultaneously, the company was, you know, financially collapsing. The latest blow: potential delisting from the stock exchange.

Are you currently manically brushing your hair, plastering a smile on your face and saying that today is going to be better, today you're going to be a whole new person? Well, too bad. Science says you'll never change.

Grotesque self-serving politico scumbag and New York state senator Pedro Espada, Jr. has now been caught on tape throwing cash at protesters. Probably cash left in an unmarked bag under his desk, by crooks. Video below.

The good news: prices are going down! The bad news: this will destroy the American economy (again). Unless...

Tribune Co. is a once-proud media company that's been bankrupted by an arrogant billionaire and a gang of former radio executives whose only skill is writing comical memos. Their new plan to save Tribune: TV news with no pesky humans.

KFC knows how to do three things: 1. Get lots of PR for its terrifying chicken-byproduct products; 2. Lose money; and 3. Make comical "branding" statements, while doing items one and two. Wait'll you catch the new tagline!

Jay-Z is a pretty good rapper. Jay-Z is not the best rapper ever. Jay-Z is not a role model. Jay-Z is not a hip hop hero. Not even for you, cool kids. Get off Jay-Z's dick.

PR firm Distinctive Assets is a philanthropic organization dedicated to comforting the world's most bereft and deeply afflicted: Millionaire Oscar nominees who lose. They get vacations in Monaco and Fancy Feast meals for their cats.

The Way We Live Now: Hobo hamboning it up with a mouth harp harmonica happy hopeless hoe-down tune-playing, without a care in the world or enough lint in our pocket to buy a zeppole, not that we could anyhow.

And now comes the coup de grace to the woeful tale of Sally Quinn, the Washington Post's most execrable rich lady columnist: she is being stashed in the back closet of the "internet," lest she embarrass the paper further.

The Way We Live Now: recalibrating our responsibilities. In tough times, we can't be expected to support certain causes as effusively as we once did. Such causes include, but are not limited to: Colleges, mortgage payments, and the poors.

Are you watching the Don't Ask, Don't Tell hearings on the C-SPAN3 right now? (Or maybe you are reading Ana Marie Cox's liveblog?) Guess what: John McCain is the worst.

After Clinton flack Howard Wolfson helped sink Hillary's presidential campaign, he was rewarded with a Fox News gig, a New Republic blog, and a high-paying job with Mike Bloomberg's reelection campaign. Now Mike's taking him on full time!

Norm Coleman will not campaign for governor of Minnesota, because his family opposes a run. But he does plan on challenging the result of that family vote in court, and the appeal is expected to last until at least May.

Scott Brown, Republican candidate for Senate from Massachusetts, has conservatives in absolute rapture. The phrase "white Obama" has been introduced. Hell, if he wins today, Brown just might be the GOP candidate for President in 2012.

Many years ago, NBC decided that the guy who came up with the idea of doing concerts on The Today Show would make a great network head. Now they are in last place. Except in jokes, where they are first.

Oh, seriously? "In a little-noticed interview Friday, Mr. Dobbs told Spanish-language network Telemundo he now supports a plan to legalize millions of undocumented workers, a stance he long lambasted as an unfair 'amnesty.'"