Has Apple's war on Google soared to 30,000 feet? Marcy Simon, erstwhile mistress of Google chairman Eric Schmidt, has taken to Twitter to report her "abuse" at the hands of a United flight attendant.

Before each shift, a chef in Charleston, SC vacuum seals his iPhone in plastic by running it through a CryoVac. Now the phone is safe from all water damage throughout his shift. The kicker? The phone remains fully functional.

Everyone may be enjoying their time at CES right now, but this guy can't wait for Macworld. You think you're a fanboy because you own a lot of Apple products? Child's play. Try getting the logo tattooed on your body.

Despite the fact that we're partial to Apple products in general, this spoof is spot-on and hilarious. Lyrics like "a Nano in pink? anything is possible?" and "if you're on a PC then you're not CEO!" put us in stitches.

Remember when Bill O'Reilly and Barney Frank almost killed each other on national television? It was, without question, one of the greatest moments in world history, if only because it inspired this Lil' O'Reilly skit. Tonight they met again.

Hackers have broken into Salma Hayek's email, revealing the actress's iPhone-app obsession, designer-clothes habit, travel plans, and more. (Her billionaire husband, François-Henri Pinault, who's throwing a second wedding for her this weekend, pays the bill!)

• Rosie O'Donnell, contradicting Barbara Walters' rosy description of relations on The View: "I'm not saying they loathe each other, but the fact of the matter is, there was not a lot of camaraderie off camera." [LAT]

At Microsoft's Professional Developers Conference in Los Angeles today, Rick Rashid, the head of Microsoft Research, reminded the audience that he helped write the Mach kernel 25 years ago. That piece of code is now at the core of Apple's OS X, the operating system which runs both the Mac and the IPhone. What he should be asking: Why didn't his employer think of that? (Photo by Ina Fried/CNET News)

Oooh, ad war escalation! You remember how Microsoft got so mad about Apple's ads that they had to run out and spend $300 million on a fancy ad campaign consisting of Mac lovers declaring their love for PCs, as well as celebrities doing things seemingly unrelated to computers. Meanwhile Apple has just been sitting back chuckling, and now they've released a new ad making fun of Microsoft's ad spending. Which is too insidery, but very entertaining to people forced to write about ad campaigns. Apple's only problem: the people who buy PCs, such as myself, don't even know what this "Vista" thing is. (If we knew about computer things we would have bought a better one!). I imagine that Microsoft grows ever more apoplectic, though. Full ad below:

First Microsoft hired proven Mac lover Jerry Seinfeld to crappily kick off its new $300 million ad campaign. Then the company dropped Seinfeld and brought in a slew of new celebrities to declare their love for PCs. Including hip hop star Pharrell—Another. Proven. Apple. Lover. Research! Payoffs! Do something, Microsoft! Pictured, Pharrell and his beloved golden iPhone. Here's a video where he describes his Mac tendencies. Fiasco! Ridiculous! And here's a brand new Microsoft ad with Pharrell declaring he is, in fact, a PC:

The enigmatic David G. of Apple has been given the go-ahead to proclaim MobileMe's email problems, affecting those lucky 1 percent of users, resolved after three weeks. I guess someone should email the FailMe Is More Like It guy. [Apple]

Apple's .Mac email — relaunched as MobileMe in conjunction with the iPhone 3G two Fridays ago — is still flying as crooked as Drinky Crow on payday. MacRumors has aggregated customer gripes. Apple's hard-to-swallow response: Only 1 percent of customers are having problems after Apple's server migration. MobileMe mail works for stationary old me, but see these screenshots from readers:

Apple reported numbers for its third fiscal quarter today: Based on the sales of 2,496,000 Macs and 11,011,000 iPods, Apple generated revenues of $7.46 billion and a net profit of $1.07 billion. In the same time period last year, Apple's revenue was $5.41 billion, with a profit of $818 million. Apple didn't release numbers for iPhone sales — those come next quarter. Steve Jobs, skipping over talk of his health, also hinted at more new product releases in the coming months. New products from Apple? Yes, we're not shocked, either.

This morning's Times brings the story of Arnold Kim, the blogger behind MacRumors.com. Kim just quit his job as a freshly-minted physician to blog full time. Wait, what? Well, see, MacRumors has been estimated to be worth $85 million — more valuable than the Huffington Post. So, for Kim, going full-time was "on paper... an easy decision." Also he has a 14-month-old daughter (awww) who he'd like to spend more time with. Even his dad approves! "When he told his father, also a doctor, about the decision, Dr. Kim was pleased that 'he was very supportive of it, which was sort of surprising to me,'" the Times said. Only an hour after publication, the Times story has already reached number two on the Technology section most-emailed list — no doubt thanks to platoons of vindicated bloggers forwarding the piece to their parents. I think I'll join them! [Times] (Photo via blakespot on Flickr)

Accessing PsyStar's website has become problematic, though it's not clear if it's due to court inunction or just the amount of public interest the company has generated. You have to give PsyStar credit for their moxie, though — running Windows, Linux or OS X on the same, relatively inexpensive and modifiable box as demonstrated in a promotional clip from PsyStar is the stuff übergeek dreams are made of.

[Editor's note: Tim Woolery, aka Tim the IT Guy, works hands-on in IT in the Bay Area. With nearly 15 years' experience at everything from CAT 5-cabled steel furnaces to intercontinental remote-controlled radio stations, Tim's able to spot and plug holes in the coverage of important tech news. Rather than bone up on change management best practices ourselves, we decided to let Tim post for himself once a week.]

Apple and Google are already quite cozy — but could they be getting even closer over Apple's rumored Me.com Web services? A source close to Google says the company is about to make a big announcement with Apple, likely in conjunction with Apple's Worldwide Developers Conference next week. It could be nothing more than integration of a new iPhone's GPS features with Google Maps. But our source thinks more is at stake.

Most of Apple's customers have never touched a Mac. By the numbers, Apple has reached far more people with the iPod and iPhone. Yet Steve Jobs's sole venture onto the Web, .Mac, is designed to work with Mac hardware. That could change, now that it's registered the domain Me.com. In 2005, Apple patented a service called "Mobile Me," and last week a programmer noticed it was already using that name in new iPhone software. When the new iPhone is announced — as soon as this week, according to rumors — we may see it linked up not with .Mac, a name meaningless to most iPhone buyers, but with Me.com instead.

Out of 250 surveyed companies, 87 percent report owning Apple computers. That's up from 48 percent In 2006. In BusinessWeek's story on Apple's creep into corporate cubicles, Dimension Data CIO Mark Slaga explains how Apple is gaining ground without really trying: "Steve Jobs doesn't need a sales force because he already has one: employees like the ones in my company." (Though, as it happens, Apple is looking for office space in Manhattan's Midtown, which could conceivably house salespeople.)

A counterpoint for all you Apple-haters out there: a new study by researchers at Duke University found that "even the briefest exposure to the Apple logo may make you behave more creatively." How did they measure that? By having the subjects list "all of the uses for a brick that they could imagine beyond building a wall." That's science for you! If only gazing at the Apple logo could help me think of a good joke for this post. The actual scientific findings: