With utter disregard for real news or succinct headlines.

Not to be outdone by P. Diddy's announcement that he is, from now on, simply "Diddy," Madonna has once again reinvented herself. As a victim.

Three cracked ribs, a broken collarbone, and a broken hand.

Madonna's website was hacked on Saturday, and the pranksters posted files from her "This American Life" album in an apparent response to rumors that she was populating file-sharing services with decoys that sounded like her voice barking, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" The site read, "This is what the fuck I think I'm doing..." then, oddly, "Morgan Webb will you marry me?"
Madonna hacked [The Smoking Gun]

Madonna, who is writing a children's book series based on the Kabbalah, on the state of children's literature: "Now I'm starting to read to my son, but I couldn't believe how vapid and vacant and empty all the stories were. There were like no lessons, just all about princesses and like the beautiful prince arrives and he takes her for his wife and nothing happens, no efforts are made. Nobody asks her what her opinion is, or I didn't see anybody struggling for things. There's like no books about anything."
Madonna's books for children based on Hebrew texts [via Publisher's Lunch]

Salon has a bootleg copy of the anti-war video Madonna yanked at the last minute. Heather Havrilesky's description: "While explosions occur and bombs drop on a screen in the background, models half-dressed in military garb walk down a runway, followed by what appears to be a young Arab boy draped in ammunition, and several covered Muslim women. Madonna carves "Protect Me" onto one of the stalls of a public restroom, indulges in some "Rhythm Nation"-style dance moves in a hallway, and then, tossing a half-full latt over her shoulder, raps about the pursuit of happiness via Pilates classes, personal trainers, metaphysical enlightenment and, yes, strong coffee."
The Madonna video you can't see [Salon]
The bootleg copy: American Life [Salon - video]

1. Hear Ed Bradley and a panel of journalists discuss war reporting and wartime media coverage.
2. See the Madonna/Steven Klein exhibit at Deitch Projects.
3. Catch El Guapo at the Knitting Factory.

· Club owner David Marvisi (Exit, Spa, Capitale, Butter, and Estate) is part of an ongoing money-laundering probe and may be headed for the same fate as '80s club owner and impresario Peter Gatien. [Page Six] architecture critic Herbert Muschamp: "I'd kill him on the spot." [Page Six]
· Bono is buying Steve Jobs's $14.7 million triplex in the San Remo on Central Park West. [Page Six]
· Sports Illustrated model went nuts when fellow model Bridget Hall walked off with her "goodie bag" of freebies at the swimsuit issue launch. "Where are you going with that?" Tavares snapped, snatching the bag out of Hall's hand. [Page Six]
· Sony America chief Howard Stringer on getting iced out of previous Grammy parties by Tommy Mottola: "I don't think it's asking very much to be invited to events I was actually paying for...The one year I was invited to Sony's party after the Grammys, I was seated by the exit sign." [NY Daily News]
· Madonna is collaborating with fashion photographer Stephen Klein on an exhibition at the Deitch Projects in Soho. [Intelligencer]
· The Mission (the Bowery's newest club) decries the gentrification of downtown in their press release, but says the club "is set to become Manhattan's new 'it' spot for corporate functions, media industry events, and private parties." [Michael Musto]

The Economist asks, "Is there really a market for a $20,000 mobile phone?" Vertu, the "world's most expensive cell phone" (reportedly a favorite of Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow), has platinum, ruby and sapphire components and literally turns technology into fashion. (No, it can't do anything particularly spectacularunless you count speed-dialing the exclusive concierge service that comes with the calling plan. It's cost-prohibitive for the little people and that's all that matters.) Siemens is introducing a similar line. The Xelibris (right) "are fashion accessories that make phone calls," and will be sold in department stores and fashion retailers.
The world's most expensive cell phone [Gizmodo]
The origins of Vertu [Economist via BoingBoing]
Siemens unveils Xelibri fashion phones [Infosync via BoingBoing]

· Page Six's list of NY's "Most Eligible Bachelorettes" includes Chloe Sevigny, Monica Lewinsky, and Martha Stewart. [Page Six]
· Gov. Pataki was out dancing and bar-hopping 'til 3AM the night before his inauguration. [Cindy Adams]
· President Bush's nickname for Karl Rove is "Turd Blossom;" Ivana Trump spotted in Aspen with new boyfriend Rossano Rubicondi, who she says she's either going to "kill on the slopes" or "kill in bed;" Kate Moss is in Thailand trying to lose weight; and Madonna's Kabbala instructor says the thousands of game birds husband Guy Ritchie has killed while hunting will come back to haunt her. [NY Daily News]

Celebrity photographer Herb Ritts died yesterday in an L.A. hospital after a bout with pneumonia that resulted in fatal complications. A contributor to Vogue and Vanity Fair for over 15 years, Ritts photographed subjects ranging from Madonna to the Dalai Lama. His latest series for Vogue, including shots of Kofi Annan and track star Marion Jones, will appear in the February issue.
Herb Ritts, celebrity photographer, dies at 50 [NYT]
Ritts, R.I.P. [Page Six]