You've probably heard that these are grim times for Condé Nast. Editors and publishers may be asked to cut spending by 25 percent, further layoffs are expected in the coming weeks, and several other magazines may shuttered entirely. If you're anything like us, you've probably been sitting at home asking, "What can I do to help?" Obviously, you could subscribe to one of Condé's magazines. But let's be honest: A $10-a-year subscription to Glamour isn't going to exactly turn the ship around. One much better way to deliver a few bucks to Condé's bottom line: Consider purchasing one of the fine, overpriced items on sale in the Condé Nast store! Last week, The New Yorker started selling wristwatches featuring the magazine's mascot, Eustace Tilley. But there's plenty more to choose from. A few suggestions below.

Twenty-five percent! One fourth of the whole pie! This scary number's being kicked around everywhere as the worst(?) case scenario for the looming Conde Nast budget cuts. Every perk is being trimmed—even the ones for little old ladies.

In your mawkish Monday media column: Conde braces itself for the coming cutbacks, America hates the media more than ever, Anna Wintour has hated the media forever, as well, and Las Vegas is full of crooks.

In your unforgettable Friday media column: Creativity magazine folds, a high school paper bravely outs its school's Jesus-tainted food supply, medical journals are full of ghostwriters, and the WaPo's most infamous marketer resigns.

Bloomberg LP has entered the "bidding war," of a sort, for BusinessWeek magazine. Suck it, Bruce Wasserstein.

In your clinically insane Thursday media column: We reveal Julia Allison's freelance rate, Mark Whicker says more unfortunate things, laid-off journalists hustle, and Garrison Keillor suffers a stroke. Possibly after hearing Julia Allison's freelance rate.

Celebrities and pets: The last two subjects that Americans care to read about.

Teen Vogue is cannily taking advantage of the widespread yearning to work in fashion by publishing a new "Handbook" which says—we're paraphrasing—"You will fail. Fashion sucks." But the NYT digs up one solitary useful piece of advice.

Panicked reports are emanating from 4 Times Square about an announcement everyone's expecting in the morning. Perhaps the long-dreaded cost-cutting recommendations from the McKinsey consultants who've been scrutinizing the expense accounts and budgets? Please email if you know more.

The New York Times asked New York Times readers—a wildly unrepresentative group of subway riders, btw—what they're reading on the subway. It's the same stuff you read, duh.

In your world-beating Wednesday media column: Vibe's former editor moves up(?) in the world, people amazingly still want to buy the Sun-Times and BusinessWeek, the college newspaper marches on towards death, and media elites marry.

McKinsey consultants are very close to completing their evaluation of Conde Nast and all of its glorious over-consumption. This can only mean one thing: the dismantling of a publishing empire and, also, countless unborn dreams.

In your suddenly Tuesday media column: Jon Capehart speaks on his morning workout routine and why MSNBC should get a life, a journalist gets punched, another one gets run over by a football player, and Stars & Stripes grows balls.

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• Who's going to replace Diane Sawyer now that she's leaving GMA? No one knows, really, but expect the changes to the show to be significant. [NYT]
• Time is shutting down its fashion-centric spin-off, Time Style & Design. Editor Kate Betts will remain with Time; six other staffers have been let go. [WWD]
• Magazine publishers are bending over backwards and offering to design ads themselves in order to keep their advertisers from fleeing. [NYT]
• A frontrunner may have emerged to acquire the Boston Globe. [NYP]
• ABC and CBS have agreed to air President Obama's address to a joint session of Congress next Wednesday. Fox, however, probably will not. [THR]
• Hollywood writers just aren't earning the cash they used to, it seems. [NYT]
• Simon Fuller, the man who brought you American Idol, now has his sights set on fashion: He's one of the people behind a new site called Fashionair. [VF]
• One more reason to hope Jay Leno's new nightly show on NBC fails: If it succeeds, you can expect every other network to dump pricey one-hour dramas and replace them with crappy live events and even crappier reality TV. [Time]

In your nearly-over Friday media column: The New York Post is shameless about stealing stories, the AP's criticized for taking a good photo, Jon Capehart in more hijinks, and Brian Tierney's clock is ticking.

In an act of publishing cowardice, Condé Nast has gone to extraordinary lengths to prevent Russians from reading a GQ article criticizing Vladimir Putin. As a public service, we're running it here and ask for your help in translating it.

No extra fashion ads to go around any more. Conde Nast folded its annual "Fashion Rocks" supplement months ago; now, Time Inc, is folding its quarterly fashion mag Style & Design, just before Fashion Week. Four layoffs. Tough times. [NYP]

In your picturesque Thursday media column: Journalism used as a tool to obtain sexual satisfaction, WaPo libelously ponders libel, the homeless intern speaks words of hope, and FAIR is cutting writers' pay.

Barack Obama has been having a hard time selling his health care reform, especially now that public option's looking more endangered. What's a besieged President to do? Turn to Rodale and their cabal of politically-friendly titles!