Aligning passions and interests with a presidential candidate you could actually see yourself voting for is a tricky business, especially when the field is as grim as it’s been this year.

This morning, the not-so-subtly pro-settler, pro-war Times of Israel published an op-ed explaining that genocide is okay when the victims are Gazans. The paper quickly thought better of it, and took down the piece. We saved it here in its entirety, because it's an important window into a terrible mindset.

Say you're a celebrity auction house that's sold William Shatner's kidney stone ($25,000), Marilyn Monroe's dog license ($4,800), and Michael Jackson's Thriller jacket ($1.8 million). There's only one way to top that, really: Sell a piece of David Hasselhoff. A reeeeally big piece:

Shrinking violet Khloe Kardashian, of the notoriously reclusive Kardashian-Jenner clan, is launching a new TV show called Khloe & Lamar. Previous enterprises of unyielding humility and fine-tuned subtlety include Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami and Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Well, not really. We already know they filed divorce papers in a Pennsylvania court on Monday, but that doesn't mean America doesn't want to have it confirmed by Jon and Kate in their own words, so here you go.

I would say that this Sarah Palin business just isn't funny anymore, but then I couldn't illustrate the following news with a Flintstones picture. "Soon after Sarah Palin was elected mayor of the foothill town of Wasilla, Alaska, she startled a local music teacher by insisting in casual conversation that men and dinosaurs coexisted on an Earth created 6,000 years ago-about 65 million years after scientists say most dinosaurs became extinct-the teacher said."

Ok we are BREAKING OUR OWN PLEDGE here and passing along two bits of fantastic News-Free Vice Presidential Speculation Updates. FIRST: Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal accidentally sent out a statement saying Obama chose Tim Kaine. Hah. So we know it's not him! Second: for some reason, everyone is now claiming totally obscure conservative Texas congressman CHET EDWARDS is a finalist. Yes, of course. Because this is the perfect season to roll out those OBAMA/EDWARDS lawn signs, right? Jesus Christ.

Clinton campaign head Terry McAuliffe is clearly going nuts trying to explain anything about the Clinton campaign's strategy of not conceding. He said on The Today Show that if Obama reaches the magic number of delegates tonight (which he will, with victories in South Dakota, Montana, and a few more superdelegates), Hillary will "congratulate him and call him the nominee." This led to the AP explaining that Hil has effectively conceded. The problem is: she hasn't. She called The View to explain her position and upset Barbara.

Guys, we can pack it in. AOL finally finished work on their advanced blogging android, programmed to churn out and rehash Funny Internet Content in unlimited combinations. They've given their Blogbot a site called "Urlesque" and now it will set about destroying Best Week Ever, Buzzfeed, Rex Sorgatz, Gawker, Tumblr, Funny or Die, The Superficial, Stuff White People Like, Cracked, and people who forward funny things—by becoming them. It's all automated now! There's a machine in Estonia that churns out LOLcats and most "people" on Vimeo are animatronic. Jason Kottke is actually three lines of code. Activate Muxtape-creation sequence! Unleash the Diggbait List algorithm! Taze humanity, bro! YAHH TRICK YAHH! [Urlesque]

Oh, hey, all three U.S. presidential candidates will stoop to a level of pandering heretofore only imagined by theoretical physicists and appear on tonight's episode of World Wrestling Entertainment's Raw. John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama were all invited to appear in the ring, and they were all wise enough to decline. Still, they happily taped appearances, to air tonight on USA. "WWE has tried to get the presidential candidates to square off before," according to Broadcasting & Cable. "It was unable to arrange an arm-wrestling match between George W. Bush and Al Gore in 2000." Thank god things are different this time around. [Broadcasting & Cable] Update: OH GOD IT'S WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT. "DO YOU SMELL WHAT BARACK IS COOKING?" He actually says this. Seriously. Clip after the jump.