Say you're a celebrity auction house that's sold William Shatner's kidney stone ($25,000), Marilyn Monroe's dog license ($4,800), and Michael Jackson's Thriller jacket ($1.8 million). There's only one way to top that, really: Sell a piece of David Hasselhoff. A reeeeally big piece:

Julien's Auctions is pleased to announce our annual Hollywood Legends auction featuring Property From The Career of David Hasselhoff taking place on Friday, April 11th and Saturday, April 12th. This extraordinary collection features hundreds of items from Hasselhoff's career as an actor, singer, and producer.

Oh sure, there's lots of stuff here: A signed Baywatch jacket; the lifeguard stand from Hasselhoff's Comedy Central roast; cars galore, including a replica of KITT from Knight Rider; and Hasselhoff's personal collection of David Hasselhoff posters. But wait, Grantland's Zach Dionne writes! There's more:

Among not just the weirdest auction items but the weirdest things I've ever seen is an oversize model of a topless David Hasselhoff, in the prone position, resting on a wheeled metal rack, face stuck in terrifying wonderment. "It was used as a prop in the 2004 SpongeBob SquarePants movie," The Hollywood Reporter writes. "Put a glass top on it and this would make the creepiest coffee table ever." No. Never. Especially not for more than $10,000. I feel like someone should PayPal me $20,000 to erase the mental image of this nightmare sculpture.

The market bears what it bears, Zach. Don't discount the market.

How "oversize" is the model? Here's a shot of it next to some Baywatch babes for comparison, from video of the Hoff's roast:

Julien's estimates it's about 14 feet long. That's a lot of Hoff to handle. But then, considering that people were literally sacrificing their bodies for life-size Hasselhoff ad cutouts not long ago, there's a demand for this sort of thing.

Again:

There's a demand for this sort of thing.

THERE'S A DEMAND FOR THIS SORT OF THING.

OH YES THERE IS.

[Photos courtesy of Julien's Auctions]