Let's check in on America's public school systems and see how we're preparing our youth of today for the challenges of tomorrow! In Fairfax County, Va., The Washington Post reports, a 15-year-old "model student" and linebacker, Nick Stuban, was suspended and banned from school property for seven weeks for buying a capsule of the legal "marijuana-like" synthetic compound JWH-108. He was then reassigned to a different high school; a month later, he killed himself.

Is smoking marijuana making you bad at sex? "Recent research—including the finding that the penis contains receptors for marijuana's active ingredient—suggests that young men may want to think about long-term effects before rolling a joint," writes LiveScience. Dr. Rany Shamloul of the University of Ottawa, Queen's University in Canada and the University of Cairo (Wow! Good for him!) tells the website, "it's a strong message to our younger generations and younger men." Indeed!

A new book claims that some of the 33 trapped Chilean miners smoked marijuana underground. It was smuggled to them in letters from their family:

When asked to name something that gets passed around Steve Harvey couldn't believe to hear the contestant yell 'a joint!' What makes this situation better is to hear the other family's counter answer.

Citizens of California and Colorado may have a reason to celebrate. Introducing Cannabis Cola, the healthy alternative to getting your daily dose of THC for *cough* medical purposes! Of course, the bigger question is—are they looking for tasters?

President Obama fielded one of the many questions about drugs during his YouTube interview today! And he didn't laugh it off like last time. While he doesn't support legalization, he acknowledges it's an "entirely legitimate topic for debate." Better!

Barack Obama's YouTube Q&A session starts at 2:30 this afternoon! Which submitted questions will he answer? Because among the top 200 questions as voted by users, only two aren't about the war on drugs or marijuana prohibition.

A California entrepreneur has announced plans to sell Canna Cola, a soda laced with THC, in the state's medical marijuana dispensaries. In response, we're rushing our pot-themed Vitamin Water knockoff, Bong Water, into development.

It's happened before, of course, and I'm not blaming anyone here, except maybe God. It must be very tempting, when you have this tiny, stupid little person hanging around your house, to make it do hilarious things like wear sunglasses, and smoke marijuana. Why not? You own your kid, more or less. It already loves dumb colorful TV shows. And your baby has so much free time!

Police in England conducted a raid on a garage suspected of containing heating systems for growing marijuana. Alas! It was just a heater for two cold guinea pigs. Poor cops! I would be disappointed, too, but probably for different reasons.

The author of "Herb Converter" miraculously got his weed-dealing calculator past Apple censors and into the iPhone App Store. But that just means more problems, since he must now deal with confused and severely bummed out users.

Unexpected: Televangelist Pat Robertson, known to have a strong (and crazy) opinion from time to time, recently came out in favor of de-criminalizing marijuana. He just thinks it's a waste of money to lock people up "for a few puffs."

Every act of celebrity self-destruction has an equal but opposite act of fameball creation. O.J. gave us Kato Kaelin; Tiger's sex addiction unleashed an army of porn stars. And now, meet Miley Cyrus's bong-ripping foil: self-proclaimed spotlight seeker Rachael Moran.

Whatever happened to the culture warriors? Everyone is either a gay soldier or a black president nowadays. Or perhaps even a pot decriminalizing televangelist? This is old Pat Robertson, now. Pat Robertson is sick of the War on Marijuana.

When Anna Faris first began speaking on Lopez Tonight, we had a feeling she might be riding high on Mary Jane. Our suspicions were all-but-confirmed when she brought out her bong-shaped Stoney Award. Watch for Tommy Chong 'pulling a Kanye.'

"You're gonna shit a brick when you see this," Miley's friend says while filming her smoking a bong. Julia Roberts attacks a paparazzo. Bieber takes a Disney star on a date. Rabbits turn James Franco on. TGIFriday gossip.

Country singer Willie Nelson was arrested yesterday by Border Patrol agents in Texas after they caught a whiff of marijuana coming from his tour bus. Nelson admitted the six ounces of weed were his and posted a $2,500 bond.

Medical marijuana now has a national trade organization. Just like every other corporate special interest! Ah, how far we've come. In honor of this dubious step towards the mainstream, allow us to suggest some useful talking points.

Yet more evidence that Northern California is the Chillest Place on Earth: City-sanctioned pot farms and "gardens" should soon be springing up in a handful of super laid-back municipalities. In Oakland, they're processing applications for four "industrial sized pot farms."

Government counter-terrorism officials gamed out a very likely terrorist scenario in a Northern California drill this week: That of marijuana growers setting off bombs, taking hostages, and laying siege to a strategically critical dam. We are so prepared for this!