Guys, he was just arrested barely two weeks ago for punching a prostitute he hired (according to the cops), after the hooker tried to bite his tongue off. Is now really the time to go bragging to the press about how many people your imitation of him is bringing into your Brooklyn and Rockville Centre churched?

Sure, the fourth "Web Trend Map" from branding firm Information Architects is a nifty piece of graphic design. But that's not what makes it viral.

The Daily Beast, Tina Brown's online journalism venture, has decided to sully itself by accepting money from a company in exchange for displaying various sales pitches for said company on its pages. Is nothing sacred?

The New York Times reports on its front page today that the real estate downturn is finally hitting Manhattan, hard. The key example? 99 John Street, apparently Alex McCord's favorite condo conversion.

Burger King's SubservientChicken.com: Five years old, and still doing stuff in a chicken outfit.

Glenn Beck takes his lumps from Fox News colleagues Shep Smith and Dennis Miller, but that's OK, because the Fox & Friends crew will happily fluff his ego back into shape each morning.

Here we have, you know, big ass butts, pimping food to children. Which is totally wrong, which is, of course, the whole point, because SO COOL ad agency Crispin Porter Bogusky, the inventors of all the weird Burger King ad shit, did this ad, and they just love doing things that people will say is too weird and also wrong, because it generates "Buzz," just like Midtown Manhattan. The point is Sir Mix-a-Lot is teaching obesity and sexuality to your kids and you're really okay with that, deep down, because you love Whoppers.

Time to hear more about Peter Arnell! Turns out the pistol-packing 'branding' wizard truly screwed Tropicana with his (momentary) redesign of their juice cartons. He's also traumatized his employees, we hear (again):

Impressionable tarts across America are now being pushed and prodded to buy "fertility tests" to tell them when the time is ripe, for sex. Sophisticated advertising campaigns are encouraging intercourse. Nation Of Whores much, hmmmmmm?

You may not know Peter Arnell, but you know his work. The crazy Pepsi-is-the-center-of-the-universe logo design! The awful failure of the new Tropicana design! But what's the man himself like? Massively insecure, of course:

Steve Stoute thinks Chris Brown can totally get past this whole "beating his girlfriend, Rihanna" thing and start endorsing products again. Just like he used to do for Soute!

Woe is Perez Hilton, in many ways. His marketing firm put together such a neat Powerpoint show to get companies to sponsor his birthday party last weekend. How did that go?

American schools are drug-ridden dens of iniquity, but fortunately we have insurance companies to teach our children values, with TV ads. And whoa, Liberty Mutual has a new 'Responsibility' campaign. Why does that sound familiar?

Sears' new female-targeted marketing site: BustedMoms.com. What could go wrong?

A fascinating new study of American media consumption provides many insights, but they can all be summed up as: 20-somethings are sexting, 30-somethings are nerds, 40-somethings are online wingnuts, and we're all fucking zombies.

Yesterday was Perez Hilton's 31st birthday! His star-studded birthday bash will be March 28th at LA's "iconic" Viper Room. And here's how his marketing firm is trying to sell people sponsorships of this once-in-Perez's-lifetime affair:

People who inadvertently starred in Youtube videos that got huge are the child TV stars of the internet, their lives defined by some awkward, emasculating moment. So it goes for the "Numa Numa" guy.

De Beers thought that buying diamond jewelry would be a popular activity during this recession, but you know what? It isn't.

Lindsay Lohan is having money trouble, at least according to unnamed friends of the starlet who tell the Daily News today that Lindsay is "living on credit right now" since "she has no cash," and is supporting herself thanks to Sam Ronson. Her financial predicament isn't because she's turning down cheesy commercials (as this Italian spot makes clear), or because she has any issue with slapping her name on any number of products, like leggings or spray-on tanner. Just in case that isn't clear, look no further than former nightlife promoter-turned-entertainment marketer Mike Heller, who was profiled over the weekend in amNew York and who has been working with Lohan to "exploit" her "brand."

Marcelo Tas is a Brazilian TV host described as "a tropical version of...Jon Stewart." But you could also describe him as "the first celebrity to trick a company into paying him for bullshit on Twitter."