At minus-400 degrees, lunar craters full of billion-year-old ice are the coldest place in our entire solar system—colder even than Pluto, or the employee-relations portion of Martha Stewart's soul. [NYT]

Nuns don't understand Lady Gaga. Small children understand Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger's deaths. And Martha Stewart can't comprehend Jessica Simpson's dead dog surprise. Welcome to your Friday gossip roundup!

• So how did Jay Leno's new show do? He hit it out of the park ratings-wise, roping in an estimated 18 million viewers. The reviews were all pretty lousy, though, so don't be surprised if it's all downhill from here. [AdAge, LAT, THR]
• The sale of BusinessWeek: Bruce Wasserstein has dropped out as a potential acquirer of the struggling mag. And it's cutting 20% of its staff. [BW, NYT]
• ABC News has apologized to the White House for Nightline anchor Terry Moran's tweet about Obama calling Kanye West a "jackass." [LAT]
• Speaking of the White House, Barack Obama will be David Letterman's guest on Monday night; it's the first time a sitting president has done the show. [NYT]
• Oprah's season premiere scored big thanks to Whitney Houston. [Wrap]
• The House of Harvey has sustained another blow: Harvey Weinstein's 70 percent stake in the home-video distributor Genius Products, once worth as much as $400 million, is now pretty much worthless. [NYP]
• Speaking of the film mogul, The Weinstein Co. picked up the rights to A Single Man, designer Tom Ford's debut film, at the Toronto Film Festival. [THR]

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban holding hands outside their apartment building ... Lindsay Lohan arriving at JFK, checking in to her hotel, and later shopping with her mom Dina in SoHo ... Martha Stewart talking on her phone outside Bergdorf Goodman ... AnnaLynne McCord getting out of an SUV in front of MTV Studios in Times Square ... Alex Rodriguez leaving a restaurant with friends ... Regis Philbin crossing the street on the Upper West Side ... Taylor Momsen leaving a hotel with a friend ... Gavin Rossdale watching Roger Federer play at the US Open ... Chris Robinson walking with girlfriend Allison Bridges in SoHo ... Taraji P. Henson getting in an SUV outside her hotel in Midtown ... Chris Noth standing on the Sex and the City set in the West Village ... and Miranda Kerr leaving her hotel downtown.

There is so little "real news," in August. So you can create your own conspiratorial mythology, like Glenn Beck, or you can just turn literally everything you say into a "that's what she said" joke, like everyone else on TV.

Martha Stewart is a walking vortex of chaos and destruction, and we know this because we read her Twitter. The latest "accident:" A car simply burst into flames, right there outside her gates.

Martha Stewart turns 68 today. Tom Brady, the Patriots quarterback and father of Gisele Bundchen's fetus, is turning 32. Martin Sheen is 69. Tony Bennett is turning 83. Model Evangeline Lilly turns 30. Art-collecting heir Adam Lindemann is turning 48. Model Brooklyn Decker is 22. Sen. Roland Burris is turning 72. Mamie Gummer, an actress and the daughter of Meryl Streep, is 26. Actor Isaiah Washington is turning 46. And Salt-N-Pepa's DJ Spinderella turns 38 today.

Domestic doyenne Martha Stewart and legendary investor Warren Buffet are on stage at a big AOL meeting. "People are going fucking nuts," a tipster writes. Why are the business celebrities at AOL? To make children's programming, naturally.

Martha Stewart is a frosty domestic diva, tyrant office manager and convicted Wall Street conniver. Not exactly a people person. Which is why, Stewart says, she loves the Twitter — it's perfect if you disdain the common man!

• BusinessWeek's Jon Fine reports that New York owner Bruce Wasserstein may be in the running to break out a dollar bill and buy BusinessWeek. [BW]
• ESPN banned New York Post employees from appearing on the network yesterday after the paper ran (blurry) pics of a nude Erin Andrews. [AP]
• Will will happen with McKinsey consultants now infiltrating Condé Nast? How should you behave if you work there? Some answers and tips. [NYM, Gawker]
• Martha Stewart loves Twitter, doesn't particularly care for Facebook. [TDB]
• Kate Major, the Jon Gosselin-loving, publicity-seeking reporter for publicity-seeking Star magazine, has resigned from the junky tabloid. [Star]
• Ad revenue fell precipitously, but the New York Times Co. reported second-quarter profits of $39.1 million, up from $21.1 million a year ago. [NYT]
• Related: Is the Times Co. planning to hang on to the Boston Globe? [E&P]
• America's most trusted newscaster? That would be Jon Stewart. [Time]

New York State Assemblyman Jim Tedisco introduced a "Madoff" bill on Monday, which would require rich New Yorkers convicted of crimes to pay state and federal governments for the estimated $80-$90 it costs to keep them behind bars. Despite the name, Tedisco's proposed law wouldn't have even applied to Madoff, since the government stripped him of his assets. But had it been on the books a few years ago? The most humiliating period in Martha Stewart's life would have come with a $13,500 bill, too. [Reuters]

July 20 @ 5:30pm Picking at fruit in back of SUV on East 56th between Park and Lex. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

Bernie Madoff is going to be serving his til-death sentence at Butner Federal Prison in North Carolina. Why there? Nobody knows, really! But it won't be so bad for Bernie—he'll have landscaping, environmentalism, and a hospital bed.

• After four decades on the corner of Sixth Avenue and 12th Street, beloved neighborhood diner Joe Jr.'s will be closing its doors on Sunday. [Eater, GS]
• Sam Mason's Tailor, which filed for bankruptcy protection in May, now reports it will close its dining room for the months of July and August. [Eater]
• More trouble for embattled restaurateur Ed "Jean-Luc" Kleefield: Madame Tong's in Southampton has been shuttered by the tax cops. [P6]
• Martha, Yoko, and Regis are some of the celebs who have written letters of support on behalf of Jennifer Oz LeRoy and Tavern on the Green. [NYDN]
• The Mott, still slated to open next week, sounds like total mess. [GS]
• Places that cater picnics, should you be looking for that sort of thing. [AMNY]

• Ron Perelman's Blue Parrot in East Hampton is now open and serving guacamole and margaritas to Rachel Zoe and Martha Stewart. You'll have to leave your Blackberry at home, though, since texting is banned. [GS]
• La Goulue has been issued a reprieve and will stay open till August. [NYO]
• A roundup of restaurants that just opened, or will be open soon. [Eater]
• Marea just opened, but chef Michael White is already talking expansion. [IC]
• The Setai Club, the "new member's only social club for the Wall Street set," is now accepting membership applications. For $5,000 a year, you'll have a spot for "midday martini-tinged dealmaking," as if that happens anymore. [UD]
• Just in time for your 4th of July barbeque: Danny Meyer gobbles down a bunch of supermarket hot-dogs and picks the winners and losers. [NYM]
• The fast food chain Sonic has arrived. Well, it's arrived in Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey, but that's about as close as it's going to get for now. [NYP]

Everybody already knows that the Hamptons is the universe's vortex of suck, but here's another reason why: Restaurant/club owners who, as a method of crowd control, roll up the awning sheltering the crowd outside waiting for tables during a downpour.

David Gregory was recognized by a confused fan; a Wall Street Journal editor was flummoxed by Twitter and Martha Stewart was rattled by an accident. The Twitterati were flustered.

• David Letterman's ratings have gone up thanks to his very public spat with Sarah Palin. So don't be the least bit surprised if it continues. [NYT]
• Ann Moore signed a new contract with Time Inc. that will keep her around through 2012; John Squires, meanwhile, has a new gig at the company. [NYP]
• Newsweek is cutting out an issue this summer. You can guess why. [WSJ]
• Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia's latest project? That would be something called "Martha University," which sounds horrifying, frankly. [PC]
• Michael Gross's new book isn't available at the New York Public Library and chances are Annette de la Renta had something to do with it. [NYO]
• Negotiations continue between the Boston Globe and union reps. "People briefed on the talks say a deal is close." Don't hold your breath. [NYT]

Why must Martha Stewart make a mockery of the US diabetes crisis? Our nemesis has written a new book about, you guessed it, cupcakes. Even worse, her henchpeople have emailed, to us, horrifying photographs of the bizarre comestibles Martha's treatise has inspired. This, America, is why you're fat:

Bernie Madoff: hired Martha Stewart-endorsed "mitigation specialist" to help him reduce his prison sentence. Luxuries!