It turns out that Maryland's Mega Millions winner is not the wonderful Mirlande Wilson, who is likely still looking for her pants, nor is it a single person—it's a trio of school employees who went in on lottery tickets together. They're attempting to remain anonymous and will be known simply as the "Three Amigos," which roughly translates to, "We Are Fucking Loaded Now."

The Mega Millions winner in Maryland has come forward to receive his or her share of the record-breaking $656 million jackpot, but the person's identity will not be released. The Maryland ticket was one of three winners in the country.

Mirlande Wilson, the Maryland woman who has dubiously claimed to have a winning Mega Millions ticket, had a much-anticipated press conference today with her lawyer. Did she finally show the world her winning ticket, brandished atop a little gold pillow?

We all knew the Mega Millions frenzy would eventually turn into a depressing cauldron of sadness. A McDonald's worker in Baltimore, Maryland says she has the one winning ticket sold in her state, but her coworkers claim the ticket was bought as part of a lottery pool. Though she's probably just making the whole thing up.

Winning Mega Millions tickets were purchased in Kansas, Illinois, and Maryland — if you live in one of those states, get excited. Then glance at the winning numbers and realize you were nowhere near that $540 million prize.

Maryland, the U.S. state with the most bonkers flag, could become the eighth one to approve same-sex marriage, after its Senate voted today to approve the measure.

As we all know, Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul. But was he too jolly? Police in Chesterton, Md. believe so, and yesterday arrested Frosty at the annual Christmas parade for disorderly conduct.

Maryland Democrats safely control both houses of the state legislature, along with the governorship. What a great opportunity to draw a bold Republican-screwing congressional map! See, they want to turn the state from a 6-2 Democrat advantage in the House of Representatives to a 7-1 advantage. How do you do that? Well, look at the funny squiggly picture up top, also known as a "Maryland redistricting draft map."

Teonna Brown, the 19-year-old woman filmed beating transgender woman Chrissy Polis at a Baltimore-area McDonald's, was sentenced to five years in jail on hate-crime charges. "I'm sorry. My mother did not raise me like this," Brown said in court.

The clock is ticking as residents along the East Coast prepare to suffer the wrath of Hurricane Irene. Will it actually be as bad as everyone is saying? As you can see from these photos, lots of people are taking the "better safe than sorry" approach. So fire up your "Come on Irene" jokes (if you're the sort of person who would make one of those), board up all the windows, and prepare to loot your nearest grocery store. Irene is upon us!

DOs and DON'Ts for when you get a DUI:

If you veer just outside Washington, DC, you'll find Cheverly, Maryland's Prince George's Hospital Center. And if you veer into the woods just outside the hospital's doors, you'll find... a chupacabra?

You know who's terrible? Congressman Andy Harris, of Maryland, is terrible. Here's why!

You know that Volkswagen you're driving? Hitler founded the company. You know that Hugo Boss suit you're wearing? His ads once touted, "Supplier for Nazi uniforms since 1924." Nazi stuff! Right under our noses! A new piece of legislation — from Maryland, of all places — would make sweeping that information under the carpet a crime.

The internet has fallen in love with another video of a fight in a fast-food restaurant, this one of a nasty assault at a Rosedale, Md. McDonald's that culminates in the victim having a seizure. It's pretty awful!

The Maryland House of Delegates was going to hold its vote on legalizing same-sex marriage this afternoon after a dramatic legislative grind. But Democrats, true to their name, have managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The bill was sent back to committee following today's debate, effectively killing its chances for passage in this year's legislative session.

When reapplying for his job at the Maryland Department of Corrections Robert Collins was told that he had to give up his Facebook username and password as part of a background check. Oh, hell no!

It seems counterintuitive to build a snow monster that breathes fire, but that is just what one family in Bel Air, Maryland, did with their snow day yesterday. This is really one seriously ornate snow sculpture.

Explosive mail packages "flared up" in two Maryland state government buildings today, causing a few minor injuries. The Feds are investigating.

Hey, parents! What's the best way to stop your kids from doing drugs? What's that you say? A conversation? Ha! Nice try, hippie. The best way to stop your kids from doing drugs is to search your home with a drug-sniffing dog once a week, rented from Maryland's very own nonprofit organization, Dogs Finding Drugs: