At 5:30 a.m., I decided to leave the prayer hall early and go back to bed.

Butt-chinned actor John Travolta faced a messy litany of sexual charges last year, accusations that varied in size, shape, and credibility. Most famously, there were the two John Doe masseurs, a pair of anonymous muscle-rubbers whose tag-teamed lawsuit claimed the celebrity Scientologist separately turned their private massage sessions into predatory gay assaults. There was also Fabian Zanzi, a former cruise-ship employee who claimed the VIP guest rubbed his "erect penis" against him. (Both suits were ultimately dropped, both followed by an abrupt silence.)

A male masseur has filed a $2 million lawsuit against John Travolta, TMZ reports, alleging that a naked and "semi-erect" Travolta offered a "reverse massage" and touched the masseur's penis and testicles during a session at the Beverly Hills Hotel. "Come on dude, I'll jerk you off," the complainant alleges Travolta said.

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' astonishing survival gets even more astonishing: As soon as she could move again, her astronaut husband says, "she spent 10 minutes giving me a neck massage." Wait, seriously?

We always thought 'rolfing' was what you did after doing four tequila shots in a Daytona Beach sports bar. Turns out it's a violent and painful, New Age-y massage technique. And it's having a moment. Let's all get rolfed!

A successful PR pitch starts with a subject line that grabs the eye. Congratulations to Eric Schwartz, who pitched us a spa review story with the subject line above. Aspiring writers, take note. Here's a taste of the story's magic:

Bernie Madoff was "irresistible to women." Really? Yes, his secretary says! See Bernie: you were mean to your secretary and now she's telling Vanity Fair all about your happy ending(?) massages. Always happens.