How many ways can Brian Williams sidestep admitting he made up a bunch of stories to look cool? Quite a few, it turns out.

Turns out Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson is only in hiding when he wants to be—over the last week or so, he reportedly auditioned at least five TV anchors at a "secret location" in preparation for a sympathetic interview.

You do not ask if Zayn is on drugs. This is the chorus of One Direction's tween Twitter fans, who are absolutely outraged that Today's Matt Lauer would even think of doing such a thing. But after boy band member Zayn Malik bailed on One Direction's album release show for a "tummy bug," Matt had some questions for the rest of the group.

Today on Today, viewers were treated to a segment in which Matt Lauer and his cheeriest frenemy Al Roker received digital rectal prostate exams live on air. As you might expect from a television program that devoted equivalent Twitter promotion to this as it did to this week's Throwback Thursday theme ("favorite chick flicks"—tweet using the hashtag #TODAYtbt), the segment was handled with all the gravitas of a clown's funeral.

Cops apprehended a man with a knife on the plaza outside of the Today show this morning while the hosts filmed the program. The man was cutting himself with the weapon as the security team tackled him.

The thing about Kathie Lee Gifford doing “something nice” for you is that it’s the worst possible thing that could ever happen to you. It’s like a person with bright red paint on their shoes breaking in through a plate glass window to sweep your kitchen floor. It’s like a monster truck giving you a surprise haircut while you sleep.

Chris Brown's contrived redemption tour continues — in an interview with Matt Lauer that aired earlier this morning on Today to promote his underwhelming new single "Fine China," the singer repeatedly emphasized how good and positive his current state of mind is. He did this with words. ("For my album and what I'm promoting as far as the single or whatever it is, it's just about me being positive..." "Everything's good. We're fine." "I'm not really focused on the negative. Everything is positive for me." "Movin' forward. Positive.") He also did this with his shirt, which sported a print of interlocking hearts, peace signs and laurel wreaths. Behold, love's champion.

New York magazine's lengthy dissection of the ultimate first-world problem that is morning-news drama is a good read, if you're into media navelgazing. Covering Matt Lauer's role as the villain in Ann Curry's unsentimental firing from the Today Show, and the Today Show's subsequent fall from grace, the piece contains a lot of interesting information that helps shed darkness on the sometimes frustratingly bouncy world of morning news programs.

After Ann Curry was unceremoniously fired from The Today Show last year, nugget-headed everyman cohost Matt Lauer was demonized as the driving force behind her ouster. But did Lauer really deserve to become morning TV's most hated man? According to a new New York magazine profile by Joe Hagan... yes, he kind of did.

Matt Lauer, the man who, for so long, has made our mornings slightly uncomfortable in indescribable ways, could be gearing up to make us slightly uncomfortable in the early evenings. According to the New York Post, several "knowledgeable sources" report that Lauer is the first choice to replace Trebek after the Jeopardy! host's contract expires.

It's been almost nine months since Ann Curry's body was roughly shoved into a supply closet marked "FOR EMERGENCIES" at 30 Rockefeller Center, and her former co-host Matt Lauer has just given birth to a whopper of a story about her departure.

Speaking with Matt Lauer on this morning's Today Show, Ryan Lochte talked about his recent encounter with Prince Harry in Vegas, where the two reportedly engaged in a drunken swimming race which the Prince won.

Al Roker appeared to malfunction during an episode of the Today Show late last week, remaining frozen on screen for several long seconds.

Mostly to Native-Americans who don't appreciate being known as thoughtless de-gifters anymore. The Today Show has been battling a ratings slump for quite some time and hoped the Olympics coverage would give them the bump they need to overtake hard-charging Good Morning America.

Via a woman named Laverna from Twin Falls, Idaho. [Sic]'d:

The New York Times' Media Decoder blog reported Wednesday evening that NBC executives are currently engaged in secret negotiations to replace Ann Curry on the Today show just one year after she joined Matt Lauer as co-host.

Was there any chance that Sarah Palin's Today Show appearance would escape the eye of Jon Stewart? Nope, not by a long shot. Stewart opened tonight's Daily Show with a complete breakdown of Palin's appearance, from her completely fabricated opening anecdote to the one sentence that epitomizes every part of her brand.

This morning, Sarah Palin "guest hosted" on the Today Show, meaning that besides an interview with Matt Lauer, Palin cropped up in a few other segments. In this compilation of her most inane moments, she bangs her usual drums about the lamestream media and Obama's socialist policies, and, of course, she couldn't appear on national TV without an incredibly conspicuous "aw jeez, Matt."

Since she replaced Meredith Viera as co-host of the Today Show last June, Ann Curry hasn't exactly impressed. "Hopeless," a source close to NBC executives said to describe her co-hosting abilities. "Atrocious," said another. "Strained."

Lindsay Lohan's complete Today Show interview aired today, and it was a festival of raspy vocal chords and rehearsed humility. Blinking her heavy of false eyelashes through a flossy fringe of blonde bangs, LiLo characterized her community service at the L.A. County Morgue as "amazing." [Today Show]