Generally speaking, no mischief perpetrated by teenagers is "news." Teenagers not perpetrating mischief is news. This is because—no matter what race, creed, nationality, or socioeconomic stratum they come from—teenagers are punks. Do not, however, tell this to the New York Times. They have a very incisive sociological story to write.

• Alec Baldwin leaves a voicemail for his daughter Ireland and calls her a "thoughtless little pig." Ah, fatherhood! So, who doubts our stalker sightings now? April 11, Alec Baldwin, screaming into a phone... Yup! (Us: 1. Kimmel: 0.) [TMZ]
  

Wonder how our fave Greenpoint gentrifier, Haverford alum David Langlieb, feels about those damn Polacks' latest efforts to rain on his gentrification parade. At a meeting last week about concerts in McCarren Pool, neighborhood activists, some of whom weren't even Polish, ganged up on a Parks Department representative over last year's indie-rock-heavy lineup, "a problem he hoped would be solved through outreach to Colombian pop and Polish music promoters." But some activists were not to be mollified: