In celebration of the almost-annual winter return of the McRib, McDonald's dropped a few videos today that purport to reveal the secrets of everyone's favorite barbecue sauce-covered restructured pork item. They do, kind of.

Nothing marks the annual return of the McRib like the annual attempts to ruin the McRib with breathless horror stories exposing its "secret ingredient" (think smaller and more legs).

Once upon a time, McDonald's sold a nasty porkish meat sandwich called the McRib, featuring all of the entrails that fell on the floor of the slaughterhouse pressure-formed into a pleasing "rib" shape. The McRib's variegated bouquet of grease flavor and resemblance to a bloody giant slug corpse naturally made it a "cult favorite," meaning "staple of the American diet." Now it is back. You greasy, greasy bastards.

One imagines that former president Bill Clinton wasn't too excited about Tuesday's election results. But there are two things coming soon that he is excited for: Rapper Lil' Wayne's release from prison, and the return of the McDonald's McRib sandwich.

The month-long McDonald's McRib Resurrection starts tomorrow. You slobbering beasts.

Look to your left; look to your right. One of the mild-mannered, college-educated people sitting next to you could be harboring a secret McRib Sandwich fetish. Generic machine-shaped pork product addicts are, reportedly, everywhere.