Meghan McCain is the illiterate daughter of a ruined man, which makes her "column" for the Daily Beast something of a challenge for her editors. But by the looks of today's offering, they've given up.

Take note, 2012 Republican presidential candidates: Alleged pundit Meghan McCain is available as a "strategist" for the election cycle; one of you'd better snatch her up post-haste! She will help you "kick Obama's ass," as she did in 2008.

Alleged pundit Meghan McCain has some deep thoughts about Australian Wikileaks founder Julian Assange: "He looks like a James Bond villain... To me he's a villain." She also describes him as a "creepy rogue Swedish guy" and "un-American," the end.

Serious author Meghan McCain doesn't get Christine O'Donnell: "Christine O'Donnell is making a mockery of running for public office...She has no real history, no real success in any kind of business." And her dad isn't even a little famous!

Citing "several unforeseen professional responsibilities," Meghan McCain bowed out of a campus speaking engagement tonight... and is now tweeting up a storm about "my first real time off in months," partying with "my favorite crew of sinners" in Las Vegas.

On Chelsea Lately, Meghan McCain discussed the pressures of the campaign trail in 2008—everything from being told she looks like a stripper and talks like a valley girl to overdosing on Xanax the night before the election.

In your foreboding Tuesday media column: Newsweek adds and subtracts, CBS does not win the ratings war, the WSJ's new weekend edition is ready to go, a conservative blogger seeks love from Meghan McCain, and Conde goes to the dogs.

Hey, everyone's favorite Republican fameball, Meghan McCain, is in the "very, very baby stages of some television stuff." Which means, yes, there is definitely going to be a television show featuring the daughter of John McCain. But no reality TV!

Meghan McCain's book about her father's 2008 presidential campaign, Dirty Sexy Politics, comes out today. Have you finished it yet? If not, here's a primer based on her Good Morning America appearance today: She has mixed feelings about Sarah Palin!

The Daily Beast reveals the cover for Meghan McCain's long-awaited tome, Dirty Sexy Politics, about her experiences on the 2008 campaign trail with her father, John McCain, who got second place. Dirty sexy elephants and John McCain! We'll take 50.

Remember when Snooki and John McCain Twitter-flirted, revealing Snooki as a closet right-winger and McCain as actually taking the advice of daughter Meghan? That perfect storm has transmogrified into an interview wherein Snooki calls John McCain "really cute."

Ayla Brown, the American Idol-singing daughter of Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown, just landed a job as a CBS Early Show contributor. Old nepotism: Inheriting your parent's political seat. New nepotism: Parlaying it into a media career.

Perhaps the weirdest attack John McCain made against Barack Obama in 2008 was his brief summer campaign charging that Obama was a celebrity. Because Americans, you know, like celebrities. And this year's Republicans have finally learned that lesson.

Props to Cindy McCain for supporting gay marriage. Ditto Elizabeth Edwards, back in the day. But their husbands remain(ed) recalcitrant. Are political wives more liberal, or are they just saying what their husbands are too chicken to admit?

After yesterday's curse-strewn rant against the music industry, Chris Brown said "GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!" to Twitter. But will it stick? A guide to the art of the celebrity qwitter.

The most terrifying woman on cable news, Nancy Grace, turns 50 today. Director Sam Raimi and "Weird Al" Yankovic are both turning 50 today, too. Actor Ryan Reynolds is 33. Oscar-winning director Ang Lee is 55. Writer Augusten Burroughs is turning 44. ABC News correspondent Brian Ross turns 61. Jessica Stroup of 90210 is 23. Retired soccer legend Pelé is turning 69. Andy Warhol muse Jane Holzer is 69. And Meghan McCain turns 25 today. A list of people celebrating their birthdays this weekend is below.

Meghan McCain says she plans to "get the fuck off Twitter" since so many users of the microblogging service are hating on a maverick picture she posted of her maverick cleavage. Oh, please. She's a fameball. She's going nowhere.

Some ignorant folk don't think "public speaker" Sarah Palin deserves her outlandishly steep paycheck. Eddie Furlong's hitting the coke pipe. And Penelope Cruz enjoys kissing both Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson. It's your Wednesday morning gossip roundup!

We've all been concerned about the remake saturation that has plagued Hollywood as of late. Even though America has subconsciously begged for Footloose: Redux, our culture's fascination with all things old borderlines on pathological. Thank goodness, then, for Meghan McCain.

• As expected, ratings for Jay Leno's new show are falling fast. [THR]
• Bloomberg LP appears to now be in the lead to buy BusinessWeek. [NYP]
• Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol sold 1 million copies its first day. [NYT]
• Don't try to talk to Vogue publisher Tom Florio about what changes are in store for the mag now that those McKinsey consultants have finished their review. (He's not talking about it.) Meantime, McKinsey's final report will be handed over to Condé Nast's management next week. [NYO, WWD]
• Fox News boss Roger Ailes collected $24 million in compensation last year, which is $2 million more than his boss, Rupert Murdoch, took home. [BW]
• Jay-Z has his 11th No. 1 album. That puts him ahead of Elvis Presley as the solo artist with the most chart-toppers. But he's still behind the Beatles. [LAT]