In your willful Wednesday media column: Meghan McCain is the queen of all media, BusinessWeek's sale grinds on, Lou Dobbs catches a boycott, and you can finally find political opinions, on the internet.

Ted Kennedy's funeral is underway, and so is the full court press barrage of media. Obama's delivering his remarks now. What do attendees, Twitter, Free Republic, and others have to say?

Meghan McCain has "redefined" the GOP, says NYU student paper.

• Ted Kennedy's death late last night sent the media into a predictable scramble. Some newspapers stopped the presses in the wee hours to change out the front page; every news network has been busy mobilizing its troops and planning various TV specials; Time announced plans to publish a commemorative edition; and the publication date of Kennedy's forthcoming memoir has been moved up to September 14 from early October.
• Some people watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's shows because they think it makes them look cool, according to a new research report. [NYT]
• The premiere of True Blood on Sunday night reeled in more than 5.3 million viewers and generated HBO its biggest audience in years. [MCN]
• Because The View is determined to provide a home to the most insufferable women on earth, Kate Gosselin has signed on to guest host the show next month, joining the likes of Meghan McCain and LaToya Jackson. [E!]

• Get ready to see commercials appear inside magazines. CBS is embedding tiny screens in an upcoming issue of Entertainment Weekly, which will play a clip promoting the network's fall season. What will it look like? Like this. [WSJ]
• Poor Rupert: The billionaire chairman of News Corp. only collected a compensation package of $18 million for the most recent fiscal year, which is down from $30 million, or 40 percent, from a year earlier. [AP]
• David Letterman continues to beat Conan O'Brien in the ratings. [NYT]
• Did Glenn Beck get yanked off the air after stirring up so much controversy recently, or is he on a regularly scheduled vacation? It's a mystery! [Politico]
• 60 Minutes is planning to air a tribute to Don Hewitt this Sunday. [NYT]
• Meghan McCain is returning to The View as a guest host. How thrilling. [NYP]
• Reader's Digest is one step closer to officially filing for bankruptcy. [NYT]
• What is Jayson Blair, the disgraced ex-New York Times reporter, up to these days? He's a "certified life coach" for a mental health facility. [Gawker, AP]

Setting an example for children of royalty, everywhere, Megan McCain wants people to know that the help should stick to being the help after explaining what depths Joe The Plumber should intellectually excavate next. Hint: It's near his plumber's crack.

Meghan McCain demands the "really hot" Hillary Duff to play her in the movie about her life, Lindsay Lohan is paid big bucks to party, Farrah is laid to rest, Michael Jackson's photographer speaks and Courtney Love suffers from malnutrition.

• Lindsay Lohan will officially celebrate her birthday tomorrow. But it looks like she'll have some extra spending money in her pocket if she decides to buy herself a present. Lohan collected $70,000 to appear at an all-day birthday party in her honor at the MGM Grand last Saturday. [P6]
• A semi-private funeral was held yesterday for Farrah Fawcett. The public wasn't permitted to attend, but a gaggle of photographers was more than welcome. [Us]
• Day 6 of the Michael Jackson mess: No one seems to know who really gave birth to Jackson's kids, no one is totally sure about the final funeral arrangements, and it still isn't clear what drugs he was taking exactly, or who gave them to him. And so on it goes. [Mirror, Sun, TMZ, Us, TMZ]
• On a more positive note, David Gest says Jackson was just another "manly man" who loved women, chowing down at McDonalds, and pursuing his "passion for classic literature." That's nice to hear, isn't it? [Sun]

Stephen Colbert welcomed Meghan McCain onto his show last night, where she refused to lick his face, talked endlessly about how much she loves fucking, and refused to discuss anything about Sarah Palin.

Don't take an iPhone to a movie screening, don't Twitter when you should be making coffee, don't buy a 2002 Honda, and don't be Meghan McCain. This and more we learned from Twitter today!

• Brooke Shields can't seem to make up her mind about who's to blame for the Kiefer Sutherland-Jack McCollough incident last week. A few days ago, her reps denied she'd been pushed by Jack. But now she says he did bump into her, and that Kiefer "has always been a gentleman" with her. Go figure. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Madonna took her kids to a Mets game on Mother's Day, which was all part of a plan to make Alex Rodriguez jealous, apparently. Also, the singer/diehard baseball fan sat in Jerry Seinfeld's seats and hung out with the Anderson Cooper the whole time, just so you know. [P6]
• More topless photos of Carrie Prejean have surfaced online. [TMZ]
• Barbara Walters wore the same dress to the Time 100 gala and the White House Correspondents' Dinner. The horror! [TMZ]
• Maya Rudolph and PT Anderson are expecting their second child. [People]

• Stephanie Seymour and Peter Brant will meet in Greenwich divorce court for the first time today. Expect some fireworks: Brant has already filed a motion demanding Seymour "undergo drug and alcohol testing"; for her part, Seymour is accusing Brant of "hostile, threatening and intimidating behavior." [NYP]
• Now that he's split from his wife, Sean Penn is supposedly dating Natalie Portman (again), since she "stimulates him in ways no other person has." [Star]
• Rumor has it Madonna and Jesus Luz are planning some sort of commitment ceremony at the Kabbalah Center sometime soon. [NYDN]
• Luke Russert was either the "It" boy at the White House Correspondents' dinner on Saturday night, or has been a major disappointment for MSNBC, depending on who you talk to. [NYDN, P6]
• Speaking of nepotism, Meghan McCain reportedly "lost it" and acted like an "insolent child" when a guard told her she couldn't bring two friends into the Correspondents dinner on Saturday. [NYDN]

Meghan McCain and Luke Russert act like bratty kids, Jimmy Fallon gets his college diploma, Lily Allen gets herself banned from the BBC for "using rude words," and Ryan O'Neal allegedly phone-sexes while Farrah dies.

Meghan McCain breaking news: "The first time I ever heard about oral sex was during the Lewinsky scandal." Hah, dad really didn't spend much time at home with the kids, right?

Meghan McCain guest-hosted on The View today. It was a veritable salon. It reminded Meghan of Columbia, the "high-brained" school that she desperately wants you to know she attended. It didn't take, Meghan.

So Meghan McCain, Suze Orman, and Bonnie Fuller walk into a bar ... no, we don't know the punchline either, but we suspect the real joke is that they're all on Twitter. Today's meetest tweets:

Someone made a mean comment about Meghan McCain, saying (accurately) that she has never accomplished anything. She got mad and posted an expletive-ridden and atrociously spelled—and wrong!—resume on Twitter.

Oh, Meghan. We're very proud of you for having the courage to speak before the Log Cabin Republicans, as a woman running for pundit.

Good news, gays: David Paterson and Meghan McCain want you to have the right to marry! So any day now, you can look forward to equality.

So are publishing houses sensibly dealing with their beleaguered state by paying modest advances to talented, seasoned authors, rather than throwing huge sums of money at writing neophytes with famous last names in the (likely vain) hope that the ensuing cheap publicity will render whatever crap is stuck between the covers irrelevant? Don't be silly! Meghan McCain has just signed a deal in the "high six figures" with Hyperion, reports Leon Neyfakh, for a book about—well, it's not yet clear what it's about, probably because Meghan's agent Flip Brophy knew that having her client actually write anything wouldn't exactly help with the pitch. None of which is to imply, of course, that the collated thoughts of a 24-year-old spotlight-loving Republican—whose literary disquisitions to date include her noble acceptance of being a size 8 and what a bummer it is trying to date when your dad has lost the election—isn't exactly what the world needs.