Because the world simply cannot have enough gossip industry-inspired novels and memoirs and no one in their right mind could ever tire of a man who dresses like the seersuckered incarnation of Mr. Peanut, we happily present the proposal for former Page Sixer and accused extortionist Jared Paul Stern's memoir. Luckily, we've snorted enough adderall today to happily transcribe most of the godforsaken hard copy, just so that we might share its hilarity with the world. The working title is Stern Measures (of COURSE), and if Mickey Spillane hadn't died, surely this would've killed him:

Memoirist Toby Young, eager to capitalize on that whole viral video thing, seems to have posted a "book signing gone wrong" video on YouTube to promote his second title, The Sound of No Hands Clapping. We're not poo-pooing the man's attempt to self-promote online; we're just a little disappointed that he wrote a fucking sketch (of the predictable "everyone hates me" theme, no less) and put it out there as if it were a video of an actual incident. And we're disappointed in ourselves for picking it up and sharing it.

• Lachlan Murdoch sells 11 Spring Street for an undisclosed sum. That's it. He's gone. And so the dream of carrying his baby in our waiting womb dies. [The Real Estate]
• When Corcoran starts using babies to sell multimillion-dollar lairs, it's time to get those tubes tied. [Copyranter]
• Vogue warhorses so old, senile that they enjoy Devil Wears Prada. [The Watcher]
• Rob Havrilla reviews Madonna on her disco cross: "Holy shit. This is my professional reaction. Holy shit." [VV]
• Robert Downey Jr. has signed a deal to write his memoir for HarperCollins. It'll be just like A Million Little Pieces, but true. [USA Today]
• Seth Mnookin punches a teddy bear. [Seth Mnookin]

We simply can't look away from tragiumphant Isobella Jade, the bewitching ragamuffin who has been living out of a suitcase and working herself as a succesful 5'2" model. FishbowlNY first discovered Isobella's genius when she pitched her memoir in an email written completely in the third person; her story focuses on her rise to vagrancy and was written entirely while in the Soho Apple Store, the office of choice for many an itinerant genius.

FishbowlNY introduced us yesterday to "perhaps the most successful model in nyc under the height of 5'4," Isobella Jadeco, a successful-yet-homeless young woman pitching her life story, in the third person, as entirely composed in the Soho Apple Store. They've followed up with a brief interview, in which we learn that Isobella was actually a successful nude model (there's the catch). Also, she admits that she may have misrepresented herself:

The sexy/hungry young lady at right is Isobella Jadeco, a homeless jane-of-all-trades who, despite her vertically challenged lot in life, has become "perhaps the most successful model in nyc under the height of 5'4." But for all of her petite success, Jadeco is living out of a suitcase and trying to pitch her memoir, composed entirely in the Soho Apple Store. She pitches FishbowlNY in the third person:

• Ted Turner sells his memoir for $4.5 million; David Carr sells his for $300k. [NYP]
• You shall bow before Katie and Anderson, because they are royalty. [National Journal]
• Brad is Esquire's October cover. Brad doesn't want to talk about whether he cheated on Jen. Did Esquire agree to restrictions? [WWD]

• Fortune editor to co-write Alan Greenspan's memoir. He's say he's excited, but that might be viewed as irrationally exuberant. [NYT]
• And Ted Turner will likely have a memoir coming, too. [NYP]
• More and more newspaper advertising is shifting to web. Um, duh. [NYT]
• Elizabeth Vargas needed that anchor chair like a fish needs a bicycle. Honest. [Phil. Inq.]

• Hachette looks to trim payroll costs (huh, feel like we've heard that before someplace); and Time's Jim Kelly throws a party for Joe Klein. [NYP]
• Feeling you haven't been reading enough memoirs lately? (And, really, don't we all feel like that?) Not to worry: There'll be twice as many next year. [WSJ]
• And the newspaper business continues to slowly die. [NYT]
• In new Howell Raines memoir, only two chapters of 43 are about the Jayson Blair saga. [E&P]
• Jann Wenner's longtime assistant is set to leave the company, and, remarkably for that shop, everyone likes her. [WWD]

• Today's speculation on the next World News Tonight anchor: Charlie Gibson. Because Diane wants him to. [NYO]
• That Times Mag Mark-Warner-Looks-Nothing-Like-His-Photo correction? It's all thanks to the Observer. [NYO]
• Howell Raines' latest memoir TK on May 9. In case 20,000 words in The Atlantic wasn't enough for you. [E&P]
• Kent Brownridge is gone from Wenner Media. Again. For real. We think. [NYP]
• And Jann startes hunting for a new Kent. Mary Berner, maybe? [WWD]
• The Times thinks Hillary's running for president, too: She'll now be covered through the Washburo instead of the Metro desk. [NYO]