“It’s so trivial that the Catholic League won’t even be commenting on the situation,” reads the reactionary religious group’s official statement on the Starbucks cup controversy that’s supposedly rocking the Christian right. This is what happens when we treat products of the online garbage content cycle as actual news.
Evan, age 7, didn't think his plan to catch Santa on video would work—the North Pole is quite magically and technologically advanced, after all—but he convinced his big brother to set up a GoPro and went for it anyway.
Teresa Giudice's sad last Christmas before prison is now fully depressing. According to a report from Radar, the feds raided Tree's house this week, taking "plasma televisions, expensive jewelry, cash, and even the kids' Christmas presents" because the Giudices failed to set up a restitution payment plan.
Even when I was a believer, God had virtually no place in my Christmas. Each December 25, I suffered through Catholic mass, feeling each second crawl by. I had things to do, presents to open, Christmas movies to rewatch, sisters to fight with, extended family to see, food to eat and eat and eat. I might have considered the Catholic implications of the holiday while in church, but only in the way that you consider the car in front of you that's moving too slowly.
The bros of Phi Delta Theta at the esteemed University of Pennsylvania are in some shit after posting a Christmas card featuring their cheery faces and a black blow-up sex doll on Facebook. The doll (in the upper left corner) was meant to resemble Beyoncé, according to Phi Delt.
It seems some of the Christian soldiers fighting for God in the Holy War on Christmas have decided to treat the ongoing faux-troversy like an actual war and assault those who dare to be a bit more inclusive in their holiday greetings.
Christmas Eve is a time to be spent in the company of your loving family — unless like me, for instance, you're a Jew who lives halfway across the country and instead went to see "Lincoln" alone (wow, was that movie long!). Or if, say, you spent Christmas Eve in prison like all of these people.
Do you hear that? It's the triumphant wail of Mariah Carey, another $6 million in her bank account, after your Aunt Sheila's 16th playing of "All I Want for Christmas is You."
What were you doing on Thursday, November 8 at 2:29pm? Checking Facebook? Answering e-mails? Some awesome dude in Maryland was busy farting.
Iraqi authorities have rounded up 73 suspected Al-Qaida operatives in recent weeks, some of whom claim to members of cells planning Christmastime attacks in the U.S. and Europe.
You might think interning under a coal-hearted Elle editor would be totally fun—long days discussing the Hills really loudly in the office and verbally abusing "freelancer Caragh"! But you'd be so so wrong. Three weeks ago interns received an acerbic 5-point 710-word missive, sent from a BlackBerry! Look guys, Elle's Accessories editor Nina Sterghiou is a "big fan of rewarding people for good work, and giving them more responsibility + interesting tasks, but so far no one has proven themselves capable of handling the basics." And also, Merry Christmas, bitches!
We're hearing that the New York Times has changed its mind about giving buyout packages to six of the employees eliminated in newsroom layoffs announced last month. Instead of a package that would have included benefits for a time, they'll walk away with severance packages, which don't include benefits. A source tells us that the severance packages are worth about a third less than the buyouts originally promised. In November, the Times announced it would cut a dozen newsroom positions and "a number" of clerical administrative jobs.
