This hurricane thing is really happening: New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has ordered a mandatory evacuation of New Yorkers in low-lying zones, while the MTA will shut down subway service at 2pm Saturday.

A federal judge has tossed the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's class-action lawsuit accusing Bloomberg LLP of systematically discriminating against female employees who became pregnant.

Following today's official legalization of same-sex marriage in New York, Mayor Michael Bloomberg opened up Gracie Mansion to serve as both host and officiator of longtime staffers John Feinblatt and Jonathan Mintz's gay wedding. The couple's two daughters shared flower girl responsibilities during the short ceremony, which ended with a double dose of the traditional Jewish glass-breaking ritual. A video of the wedding's highlights is above.

Billionaire New York Philosopher-King Mike Bloomberg has decided to purchase a Hamptons estate for $20 million, because, well, when you have that much money, why not?

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg is totally down with the gays. (The "R" is for "RAWR!") And what better way to put his money where his mouth is than to dance shirtless on a speaker at the Once Upon a Pines Party? But he isn't doing that. But he is marrying two of his top gay advisers on July 24. It's the same-sex marriage equivalent of throwing the ceremonial first pitch on opening day!

The latest escalation in New York City's War on Smoking, in which smokers can no longer enjoy a cigarette while walking through the park or the tourist-packed pedestrian plaza of Times Square, is going exactly as planned one month after taking effect: completely unenforced.

"I only want him to stay out of my business for the next 935 days. For the record, I do not plan to go into his business." — Mayor Michael Bloomberg discussing Alec Baldwin's potential run for mayor.

Now that suspected candidate Anthony Weiner won't be running for mayor of New York (for obvious reasons), rumors are swirling that Alec Baldwin is going to throw his hat in the ring. Is he really gonna run this time?

The newest expanse of Manhattan's hippest walkway, the High Line park, will open to the public tomorrow. Everyone is dying to check it out, but it's hot outside and the crowds will be awful. Let's take a virtual tour, shall we?

The grand experiment is finally over. NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg has dropped his unqualified and unpopular schools chancellor Cathie Black after only a few months on the job. Her replacement will be Dennis Walcott, a current deputy mayor.

Good news for non-smoking New Yorkers who occasionally catch a whiff of cigarette smoke for a half-second while they're walking outdoors: Mayor Michael Bloomberg signed a law today making sure this never happens again! No promises, though.

Mayor Bloomberg, visiting the Brooklyn Brewery yesterday said, "I actually put ice in my beer," to the horror of Brooklyn beer snobs. The Post asked the editor of All About Beer magazine, Julie Johnson, how Bloomberg should enjoy his beer:

Mayor Mike said yesterday that the NYPD won't be used to enforce the city's new ban on smoking at public beaches and in parks. So who will be monitoring the air quality of New York's public spaces? The concerned citizens of New York, that's who!

Ha, check out this zinger unleashed by short billionaire Michael "Mike" Bloomberg:

Insulting someone (Bloomberg) by comparing them to Hosni Mubarak is now a thing here, apparently.

NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg was relieved that the groundhog voluntarily left his cabin during yesterday's Groundhog Day event, saying, "That was so much better than having to reach in and let the little son of a bitch bite you." Amen.

On last night's Late Show, David Letterman's Top 10 List was "Ways New York City Is Preparing for the Blizzard." T'was mostly kitsch and Mayor Bloomberg-bashing, but—mid-list—Letterman went off on a hilarious tangent about his displeasure with Noxzema.

The New York Times poses an ontological riddle: If a billionaire mayor's private jet was spotted on the tropical island where he keeps a $10 million estate during New York City's apocalyptic blizzard, does that mean he was there too?

Hey, look, another snow storm is approaching New York. This one should only bring less than six inches, but even if it were to dump enough to cover the Empire State building, it would be crushed with GPS and cameras.

New York's lame-duck billionaire mayor Michael Bloomberg, who can do whatever he wants, "accepted responsibility" for the city's poor snow cleanup today, after days of whining and sniping about how everyone should shut up. So, can you shut up now?