There's a new cop show on the TV landscape, ABC's Detroit 1-8-7, and it's just like all the other cop shows that have been on in the last ten years. Except it's way worse.

Today at Gawker.TV, Michael Imperioli finds work as a gynecologist on a teen show, RuPaul turns regular ladies into drag queens, Bill O'Reilly hates his coworkers, and a very pregnant Rachel Dratch hangs with Bethenny Frankel and Andy Cohen.

It's upfront week when television networks show potential advertisers what they can expect for the fall season. ABC announced it's new lineup and CBS axed a slew of shows. Let the carnage commence!

She's headed out, uh, down the street... Also today: Hayden Christensen is inexplicably employed, a new horror movie deals with real-life scary stuff, more J.J. Abrams secret movie updates, and a look at how the apes will someday rule us.

Madonna and Sean Penn having laff riots, reminding us of Gossip's Glory Days. Jay-Z and Jonathan Safran Foer meat in the middle. Snooki's Fist Pump fees. Kate Gosselin's new 'do/Jon Gosselin's new "do." Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Madonna heading into Adour on East 55th Street last night to reportedly meet her ex-husband, Sean Penn, for dinner ... Madonna and Jesus Luz bundled up and wearing face masks as they leave a movie theater after catching a screening of Avatar on Wednesday night ... Steve Schirripa and Michael Imperioli sitting in the stands at a Knicks game at Madison Square Garden ... Blake Lively and Chace Crawford shooting scenes for Gossip Girl on the Upper East Side ... Nick Jonas waving to photographers outside the Late Show with David Letterman ... Jessica Simpson arriving at the Ambassador Theatre on West 49th Street to watch sister Ashlee's performance in Chicago ... and Angelina Jolie filming stunt scenes for Salt.

[Michael Imperioli and Rocky Horror Picture Show alum Susan Sarandon react to sweet transvestite Prince Charles' overshare at The Lovely Bones premiere in London last night. Image via Getty]

Fashion Week queen bee Fern Mallis turns 61 today. The legendary Diana Ross turns 65. Nancy Pelosi is 69. Keira Knightley is celebrating her 24th. Steven Tyler is 61. Curtis Sliwa turns 55. Michael Imperioli is 43. Journalist Bob Woodward turns 66. Author Erica Jong is 67. Martin Short is 59. James Caan is turning 69. Amy Smart is 33. Jennifer Grey is 49. Leeza Gibbons turns 52. Kenny Chesney is turning 41. NBC's Chris Hansen turns 50. Hedge fund manager William von Mueffling is 41. And Elaine Chao, the former Labor Secretary and current sister-in-law of Bruce Wasserstein, is 56 today.

1) After a Tuesday night Cinema Society screening of Transsiberian starring Kate Mara and Emily Mortimer at the Tribeca Grand, host Andrew Saffir, Ann Dexter-Jones, Annabelle Dexter-Jones, Eleanor Ylvisaker, Russell Simmons, and Becca Cason Thrash (who was "exhausted" after "buying from four collections" at the couture shows) went to hotel's Yard to drink themed cocktails and pose for pics. [Park Avenue Peerage/FWD]

The Italian-American born actor best known as Christopher on HBO's mob-drama, The Sopranos.