Maureen Dowd, this weekend: Obama should try to be "dynamic" like Sarah Palin, instead of all this "dithering" and bowing. Today, Ross Douthat writes a "reality-based" column on more or less the same topic!

Ben Smith followed Mike Huckabee around for a while as he sold his new Christmas book.

According to newly released campaign data, the Huck owes the Chuck $23,570 for travel expenses from Huckabee's failed 2008 primary bid, and CNN and ABC News in turn both owe Huckabee a total of $3,700.

Even though the "Values Voters Summit" was just last week in DC, Conservatives had themselves a "Take Back American Conference" this last weekend. This one sounds even crazier.

Republican South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford became a household name for his affair with an Argentine woman. Then, Monday, we heard that his Lieutenant Andre Bauer does dudes. Now the GOP may have a new, sexy, erotica-writing star: Kristin Maguire.

Jon Voight was once known for his acting chops and, later, for fathering Angelina Jolie. These days? Well, he's known for his rabid right-wing politics, which were on full display when he appeared on the increasingly robust Mike Huckabee's show.

Blog kingpin Nick Denton turns 43 today. Adam Gopnik, New Yorker staff writer and author, is turning 53. Comedian Dave Chappelle is turning 36. Sirius CEO Mel Karmazin is 66 today. Funnyman Craig Kilborn is turning 47. Herb Allison, the former president of Merrill Lynch and now an Assistant Secretary of the Treasury, is 66. Nobel Prize-winning economist Harry Markowitz turns 82. Vince McMahon, the man who brought you professional wrestling, is turning 64. Actress Marlee Matlin is 44. Former governor, presidential candidate, and Fox News talking head Mike Huckabee is 54. Former US Senator Max Cleland is turning 67. Author Paulo Coelho is 62. Steve Guttenberg is turning 51. And acting legend Chad Michael Murray celebrates his 28th birthday today.

Ever wonder how The Daily Show books so many guests of the conservative persuasion? Apparently it has something to do with the fact that Jon Stewart is one of the few hosts on television who's considered fair and intellectually curious.

The Fox crew are plain goin' nuts about how Obama has appointed many people whom the media have dubbed "Czars." They will not shut about about the Czars! You know who else hated Czars, guys? How soon we forget!

This guy named "Chip" who is friends with Mike Huckabee mailed a CD to some friends with a terrible song called "Barack the Magic Negro" on it, and now he will lead the Republican party.

"Dude, I just talked to Karl Rove on my fucking phone. You think I’m fucking with you? Mike Huckabee called me, like, three hours ago." [Observer]

Don't be a sucker. Those complicated, long-winded explanations of the worldwide financial crisis are just a lot of big city hokum. Fortunately, your good buddies Mike Huckabee and Chuck Norris are here to set the record straight: It's a dark, shadowy conspiracy between the fat cats on Wall Street, the elitists in Washington, and the nefarious Red Chinese who are secretly stealing our oil off the Florida coast! Huffpo's Rachel Sklar learned the awful truth from Huckabee's new talk show on Fox last night. Huckabee's got a "friend" who tells him this whole mess is the result of "financial terrorism": "Just today, a friend of mine in the financial markets indicated that he's been doing a careful analysis of the last 12 days, and there seems to be a manipulation of the marketplace - at the last half-hour of each day, there is an extraordinary rush of computerized trading going on. He believes that there may, in fact, be evidence of economic terrorism that is fueling a lot of what's going on. Now it's a fascinating idea, that if somebody could break down the world economy, it would have a greater impact that any bomb ever set off. It seems to be there is plausible argument for it." But, Norris sagely points out, don't forget the Chinese! "Oh yeah, I think - oh definitely, Mike. The thing is, China has one and a half trillion dollars* of our debt. Now, what did we give China for collateral for that one and a half trillion dollars? So the thing is, you know, with our government - what did - what secret deal did they get, give China, said, 'Well, you know, ah, we won't tell the people but you can drill 50 miles off the Florida shore, and do a slant drilling into our oil in Florida,' you know - so a lot of things are going on underhandedly that we the people don't know, and that's why it's so important, Mike, that we the people get the power back. We need a voter revolution in our country." (audience applause) Also? When Congress took off for the Jewish Holidays, they were really Christmas shopping, and Barack Obama is big on infanticide. Read it here.

Over the weekend Arkansas governor and minister and former fat person Mike Huckabee's new variety show premiered on Fox News. "We may have the first election in history where it's the winner who demands the recount!" he joked. No kidding. Huckabee went on to excoriate Wall Street and the bailout package congressional Republicans just sabotaged in a strikingly hard-to-dispute monologue that not only only foreshadowed the Nay that just sunk our stock market but also, one suspects, what will emerge as a new populist tone to the network's news coverage. Here's a partial transcript.

Former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee is a slick, smooth, charming guy. He would've been a dangerous nominee, because he's TV-friendly and quick-witted in a folksy, unthreatening way. But he's actually a rar-right nutcase. And sometimes his jokes fall flat. As in the clip above. If you can't get a laugh from telling a "someone is going to shoot Barack Obama" joke in a talk at the NRA then your delivery needs work, we say. Oh, also we say: wtf.

Mike Huckabee, who is still going around pretending to run for President, who also used to be fat, got skinny, and is now getting fat again, and who is also a crazy religious nut who hides his paleolithic views behind a delightful sense of self-deprecating humor and convincing charm, was on Tyra today. Because Tyra is America's Official Ambassador To the Gays, and because she's not afraid of the tough questions, she asked him to explain his position on the Homosexual Agenda. Huckabee responded with impressive candor while saying absolutely nothing (except that homosexuality is a choice and a sin). Maybe this is why Tim Gunn was sad! (Also we kind of want Tyra to moderate the next presidential debate! She's... more reasonable and serious than Tim Russert, and asks more pertinent questions. What a country!) Video below. Also: most important photograph ever, attached.

The last time we checked in with conservative Republican Mike Huckabee, he was sensibly skipping the big annual conservative donors conference to help Tyra Banks tape an episode of her stripper-friendly talk show. In the course of the show, the loser presidential candidate was of course converted into a gay-loving liberal, by Tyra Banks, in New York, and he's forgotten all about how he was going to persecute Mexican gay abortionists. Here's what he told Tyra Banks about why he loves the homosexual agenda:

Sure, Republican Mike Huckabee says he still wants to be the President Of Stopping Gay Heathen Mexicans. But when the big conservative conference pitches its tent, and even liberal John "Juan" McCain braves booing and possible stoning to speak there, where is Huckabee? In Failuretown, that's where, attending a taping of the Tyra Banks show, which is a "talk" show where a stripper encourages everyone to strip. After the jump, MSNBC is shocked at Huckabee's decision, and Tyra strips.

Democratic primary

There are, improbably, 25 self-avowed San Franciscans for Mike Huckabee. How the Bible Belt's favored candidate attracted even that many, I'm not sure. Huckabee himself, a known disbeliever in evolution, is coming to speak in the heartland of the biotech industry on Thursday. The Commonwealth Club is hosting the Republican presidential candidate at the Fairmont Hotel at noon. Tickets for nonmembers are $65. Cheap for feeding a Christian to the lions.