Seriously, there is such a thing as anti-comedy — the type of willful unfunniness we've been gleaning from every trailer, teaser and report emerging from the cultural black hole that is The Love Guru. Not that we require his validation, but the concept appeared again today in the highest-profile forum yet: A.O. Scott's slightly displeased NY Times review:
Welcome to another edition of Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to what's new, noteworthy and/or nightmarish this week at the movies. Today we hold our noses for the aromatic opening-weekend duel of Get Smart and The Love Guru, crack open the L.A. Film Festival catalog for a bit of a desperately needed counterprogramming, and handpick a few fine new DVD's for the agoraphobes among us. As always, our opinions are our own, but as long as they don't involve Manoj Night Shyamalan's box-office viability, they're also without peer.
So, sigh, The Love Guru. The Mike Myers-starring, Deepak Chopra-inspired "comedy" film — about an American-born, Indian-raised spiritual guru who travels back to the States to spread his message of peace, love, and weird unidentifiable accents — is opening tomorrow, and dark clouds are forming. The doomsayers began clucking when the cringe-inducingly unfunny trailer premiered this winter (during the Superbowl, was it?) and they've only gotten louder as the inexorable date (tomorrow!) draws closer. The unfunny clips, the badmouthing about Myers, the sheer presence of Jessica Alba. All signs point to this thing being a catastrophe on an epic scale.
Just when we thought we'd leave well-enough alone and let The Love Guru speak for itself on opening day, a pair of related developments stoked another confounded binge of concern around Defamer HQ. This morning came the film's first review in Variety, whose Brian Lowry offered an eyebrow-singeing, backhandedly optimistic pan forecasting Paramount's first flop of the summer:
Temperamental and/or difficult actors are nothing new, of course, but as alluded to earlier today in our glimpse at the new-and-slightly-spiritually-improved Mike Myers, it takes a special kind of difficult to make the "stroppy" cut. To wit, does your rep for tantrums, whining and/or demanding final cut equal or exceed your rep for such actions making your films better? Then you might be headed for the All-Strop Team, as laid out today by Guardian contributor Andrea Hubert: Folks like Edward Norton (the captain), Eddie Murphy (the leadoff hitter, if only for knowing when to take a walk on Pluto Nash), Gwyneth Paltrow (the cleanup hitter, for publicly referring to her film View From the Top as View From My Ass) and others.
While this summer's blockbuster stars may yet go down as the stroppiest on record, Mike Myers has pulled a bit of an midseason upset by usurping the season's sulky, moody, bridge-burning crown from long-time "passion" front-runner Edward Norton in the new issue of Entertainment Weekly. Not that the rap on Myers today isn't that much different than it's been in the last 17 years, but with The Love Guru drawing fire from all sides and Myers' spirituality-and-humor crossbreed having apparently all but hijacked his, well, humor, now seems as good a time as any to stir up the bad blood trailing him to the screen this weekend:
· Has anyone seen Abigail Breslin's iPod Touch? The fate of the dancing-around -in-front -of-the- mirror- to-David Cook future depends upon it! [Tonight Show]
· Mike Myers admitted he developed a "man-crush" on Speedo-rocking Justin Timberlake while shooting The Love Guru. We've had a lot of "man-crushes" too in our time, Mike, and we find the best way to handle them is to have "man-sex" with the object of your "man-desires." [Us Magazine]
· The only thing crazier than the fact that Prince just turned 50 is the fact that Dr. Phil scored an invitation to his birthday party. No, Prince. Just. No. [ET Online]
·Tony Romo says rumors Joe Simpson sits at the end of his bed offering subtle directing tips for making camera-friendly love to his daughter are totally "laughable.” [People]
· Remember when Juno was attacked by an Alien facesucker? Well she finally had the baby, and it's soooo cuuuuute!!! [dreadwhimsy.blogspot.com]
Psst! Reader! Yes, you — really quick, do us a favor: Watch the accompanying video to this item and tell us if you saw what we just saw. Granted, we (and pretty much everybody, as far as we know) have yet to view The Love Guru, so perhaps the black hole of comprehension herein is purely contextual. Or maybe it really is as simple as Mike Myers giving back another few years' worth of cultural goodwill as the title character, joining Jessica Alba and a hookah-hitting Verne Troyer in a sitar-heavy, almost scandalously unfunny take on Steve Miller's stoner anthem, "The Joker." Moreover, help us with another thing: Combined with the compounded misfires at the MTV Movie Awards, is Myers slyly usurping the likes of Neil Hamburger as anti-comedy's most powerful talent? Because we could get behind this, if so — except for the Indian guy playing banjo. There is absolutely no excusing Indian banjo players. [Paramount]
We were sorry to read this week about the certain fiery purgatory awaiting slumping star Mike Myers, pregnant newlywed Jessica Alba and the rest of those associated with the production of The Love Guru, Myers' new "comedy" that drew such scorn last month from spiritual leaders around the country. We now learn that after a bit more finger-wagging and number-crunching, a dreadful trailer is the least the principals — and its viewers — have to worry about:
The MTV Movie Awards have always managed to deliver one or half a dozen memorable moments worthy of YouTube legacy. But the host of the show has rarely been a factor in determining that year's success story, until the producers' decision to enlist Sarah Silverman last year finally lifted the program's ratings. With last year's success still fresh in their minds, MTV has announced that Mike Myers will helm the 2008 edition, signaling a definitive return to the program's roots. Sixteen years ago, the show premiered with Dennis Miller at the wheel, followed by SNL alum Eddie Murphy, Jon Lovitz, two Jimmy Fallon appearances and of course, Myers' own try in 1997. But recently MTV has rolled their dice with more commercially appealing faces like Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba. We took a look back at the show's hosting history to figure out if the show's host, like love, has anything to do with it.
It wasn't bad enough that the almost willfully unfunny trailer for Mike Myers' comeback vehicle, The Love Guru (which you can watch after the jump), had Defamer HQ wailing with laments for the comic's lost Canadian soul. The metaphor has officially entered the literal realm this week, as nervous Hindu spiritual leader Rajan Zed — who coaxed a full viewing of the comedy out of Paramount — is on the PR offensive with his Christian and Jewish friends close behind:
Feeling hungry? Try snacking on our Dirt Sandwich, a wild and woolly compilation of the moments in celebrity infotainment programming this week that made us simultaneously groan, chuckle and hurl. As always, we demand politely beg Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer to watch hours of Harvey Levin's babbling in order to bring you the week's best and worst moments. This week's reel includes the secrets behind Mike Myers' "informal spiritual quest" (whatever the fuck that means), Mark McGrath uttering the word "Fattergories" and the revelation of "which Hollywood hottie has THE best bod in the biz" (which, btw, is a question that comes up several times per day here at Defamer HQ). Enjoy!
· Is it wrong to think that John Mayer is maybe, just maybe, a really funny guy at heart? Whenever he's on TMZ fucking with the papps, he makes us laugh. See you later tonight at Relapse, John! [TMZ]
· Part Two of The A.V. Club's series of essays called The New Cult Canon focuses on Morvern Callar. I thought that movie was kinda boring the first time I saw it, but now I'm going to have to revisit. [A.V. Club]
· Our all-time favorite episode of True Life is the one called "I Have A Summer Share." You know, the one that follows a slew of jabronis spending their summer on the Jersey Shore? The latest Post Show creation, Douchebag Beach, reminds us very much of that famous episode. Good stuff. [Douchebag Beach]
· The title of this article says it all — "I'm the idiot who bought an HD-DVD player: A Casualty of the Format War tells all." Another excellent piece from the multi-talented Josh Levin. [Slate]
· Lastly, the trailer for the new Mike Myers jawn, The Love Guru, debuted earlier today. Despite the appearance of a few gags that seem very similar to what we saw in the three Austin Powers films, we must say this movie actually looks promising. [/Film]
· After a decade in existence, DreamWorks is tantalizingly close to crossing the $1 billion box office mark for the first time. You know what that means: three-day weekend for everyone in the Paramount family! [Variety]
· Continuing the tradition of casting attractive female co-stars with questionable acting abilities he established in his Austin Powers films, Mike Myers has added Jessica Alba to the talent roster of his big-screen comeback, The Love Guru. [THR]
· Ben Stiller and his Red Hour Films will stay in the DreamWorks family for at least three more years, and to show how happy the studio was to renew their deal, they sent over one of their favorite creative executives for Stiller to do with as he pleases. [Variety]
· The NLRB rules that studios can't press WGA members into webisode slave-labor. Expect the studios to continue to refuse to pay for the new-media content and force PAs and writers' assistants to write the clips on their lunch breaks. [THR]
· TNT renews Saving Grace, USA reorders Burn Notice, and Lifetime picks up a second season of Army Wives. And there is still not a damn thing to watch on network TV this summer. [Variety]
· Mike Myers is the latest star to try and take a whack at the long-gestating remake of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, which has now moved from Paramount to 20th Century Fox, and to which Owen "The Butterscotch Stalliion" Wilson and Jim "My Career's Way Too Cold To Have A Decent Nickname" Carrey were once attached. [Variety]
· MTV Games has announced a Jackass video game, which will ship with a special controller that will deliver blunt-force trauma to a player's genitals or emit flatulence in his face as he steers Johnny Knoxville and his gang through a variety of wacky stunts. [THR]
· Fox's American Idol predictably dominates in its timeslot, but there's some potentially bad news for the network: the preview/premiere of On the Lot opens to a weak number, calling into serious question Brett Ratner's TV drawing power. [Variety]
· Cuba Gooding Jr. will produce and play a pivotal janitor role in "edgy," Napoloean Dynamite-esque teen comedy Harold. [THR]
·Writers' collectives are so hot right now: Screenwriters like Christopher "Usual Suspects" McQuarrie, John "Undercover Brother" Ridley, and Naomi "Jake and Maggie's Mom" Foner Gyllenhaal have formed the 1.3.9 co-op, joining forces to help each other maintain more control over the creative process.
· Forest Whitaker will put his Oscar-winning talents to the ultimate test by trying to match acting chops with Monosyllabic Method master Keanu Reeves in The Night Watchman. [Variety]
· Professional badass Ray Winstone reportedly signs up to play Harrison Ford's sidekick in the upcoming Indy 4. [THR]
· Paramount promotes Austin Powers second unit guy Marco Schnabel to full-fledged director on Mike Myers' new funny-talking-guru film, perhaps hoping that a trusted, familiar face will keep the actor from freaking out and abandoning the project after a week of shooting. [Variety]
· Jason Alexander takes a role in one of the roughly 6,000 comedy projects ABC has developed this pilot season. (It's about a wacky police station, if you must know.) [THR]
· Oprah anoints Amazing Race creators Bert Van Munster and Elise Doganieri as showrunners for her upcoming reality project, Oprah Winfrey's The Big Give, in which TV's infinitely generous demigod will hand do-gooders a pile of money and challenge them to use it in a way that properly reflects Her beneficence. [Variety]
If you'll recall, we recently reinstated our ban on posting sightings of ubiquitous Canadian comedian Myers, his "hipster" girlfriend, and his hockey stick. So it was a little odd to hear, from the Times, about how much we miss him. Apparently, The Cat in the Hat is taking a break from the big screen to recharge his creative batteries — after all, as Myers told James Lipton, "There's process and there's product. And when you're too long on product, you forget about your process." The article goes on to compare the 'Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party' star's creative output to that of Ben Stiller and Robin Williams, among others, who aren't as selective as the projects they take on. And Myers' abstemiousness won't end anytime soon:
You know what? It's cool that the cast of Saturday Night Live lives in New York and all, but unless you spot them lying in a gutter in a puddle of their own vom, we don't want to hear about it. And that proclamation goes triple for SNL alum Mike Myers, who's been spotted with Nothian frequency lately sporting a new accessory in place of his regulation hockey stick: a "a much-younger looking blond hipster-y ladyfriend," or, alternatively, " a much younger blond girl. She was just ok." Let's open our eyes a little bit wider, people. Look beyond Myers and set your sights on more exotic celeb prey. Also, while we're on the topic, let's all just accept as a given that models are pretty, old people tend to look old, and everyone is shorter in person. Especially Peter Dinklage.
