· Paramount is putting together a deal with Mike Myers to co-write and star in comedy about a "new age guru" character named Pitka, crossing its fingers that Myers won't eventually suffer another ugly Dieter-style freakout that ends in a bunch of lawsuits. [Variety]
· Columbia Pictures buys the top-secret "fraternal twins" script Jack and Jill for Adam Sandler's Happy Madison to produce and as a potential starring vehicle for Sandler. [THR]
· MGM already seems tired of its relationship with Sony, acting out against its loss of independence by snatching back its home video rights and messing around with Fox for DVD distribution. Next week, MGM plans on having Sony walk in while it screws the pool boy, just to make sure it gets the message. [Variety]
· Viewers in the key demographic prefer NBC's Last Comic Standing premiere to the reruns offered by other networks. Break out the champagne, NBC! A win is a win. [THR]
· Russell Crowe leaves Baz Luhrmann's Australian period epic over "disagreements" with 20th Century Fox, which we are contractually obligated to mention did not include physical violence. We think. [Variety]

• Mike Myers and his wife of the past 12 years, Robin Ruzan (whose Jewish mother was the inspiration behind Myers' Linda Richman character on Saturday Night Live), have filed for divorce. What went wrong? By using the clues in Gawker Stalker, you can piece together the decline of a marriage and the rise of an alcoholic. Which is exactly what we designed the feature for. [The Apiary]
• A court has lifted a Santa Fe woman's restraining order against David Letterman, who, she claims, used code words during his show to give her instructions on how to eat crayons and wear tinfoil hats. [AP]
• When bloggers turn unreasonably nasty on commonfolk, nobody wins. It's akin to cannibalism, snarking on one's own kind. [Perez Hilton]
• Yes, we know that horsey 90210 alum Tori Spelling is engaged to a new beau, despite being not yet divorced from her ex-husband. May her new man enjoy riding her around the Spelling mansion. [Us Weekly]
• Patrick Swayze is delving into hip-hop, using "rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads." We always felt Dirty Dancing would be profoundly improved with the addition of gold teeth and bitches. [AllHipHop]
• You may consider yourself a gay wino, but are you gay and drunk enough to own a collectible bottle of Madonna's "Confessions on a Dance Floor" wine? [Celebrity Cellars]
• A new sense of pity for Women's Wear Daily reporter Jacob Bernstein, whose mother Nora Ephron will never be happy until her baby boy finds her a cabbage strudel. [NYT]

Blogger The Apiary has compiled the latest sightings of Mike Myers sent into our New York City-mouse cousin Gawker. Myers, we recently noted, has announced the unfortunate end of his seemingly happy marriage. While his publicist's statement revealed very little about what went down, the Gawker Stalker story, told from several strangers' corroborative eyes, gives us a fuller picture of a man in a state of ever-deepening despair:

Mike Myers, the Canadian comedian who brought us such unforgettable comic creations as Wayne Campbell, Austin Powers, and Flabbergasted Katrina Relief Telethon Co-Presenter, has announced the sad news that he and wife of 12-years, Robin Ruzan, will be getting a divorce:

· Further proving that his desire for camp knows no bounds, Desperate Housewives mastermind Marc Cherry is working with Chucky creator Don Mancini on a "suspense drama" pilot for ABC tentatively titled Kill/Switch. One thing is clear: Cherry's about to produce television's next great, overrated guilty pleasure! [Variety]
· Renee Zellweger continues to wash that gay-seeming ex-hubby right out of her hair, will star in the Tom Cruise-produced The Eye, a remake of the 2002 Hong Kong thriller Jian gui. [THR]
· Every so often, Variety gets a little loopy and uncorks a headline worthy of celebrated wordsmith Ted Casablanca. Today is of one of those days: "Pix get das boot: Titles tripped by tapped-out Teutons." [Variety]
· Today Disney officially cuts ties to the Weinsteins, sending the brothers and their infant, but ambitious, company to suckle at someone else's billion-dollar teat. We didn't realize how disturbing the image of a nursing Harvey Weinstein was until we actually typed that last sentence. Please accept our apologies for scarring you on a Friday. [THR]
· Mike Myers will star as Who drummer Keith Moon in a biopic produced by Roger Daltrey. You know what that means: Myers gets to do yet another British accent. Puncture your eardrums with a meat thermometer now and save yourself the eventual, much more acute pain. [Variety]