Why won't the U.S. government let veterans smoke weed? Shit, VICE, that's a damn good question.

Great Britain has just certified the first three women ever to serve onboard submarines in the 110-year history of the Royal Navy's silent service. Way to go, John Bull. What the hell took you so long?

An Air National Guard A-10 attack aircraft inadvertently dropped a 25-pound (dummy) training bomb around the Arkansas River last month, officials revealed. But hey, far worse things have been dropped around the Arkansas River lately.

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel has ordered the military to review its standards on grooming, in light of the confusion over new limits on hairstyles traditionally preferred by black women. The updated standard, the New York Times reports, "implies that there is something wrong with black women's natural hair."

In a great victory for freedom and democracy, the DOD has announced it will require all boot camp recruits to use their shoe allowance to buy only American shoes! And in a great victory for socialism, they'll only be able to buy one company's ugly government-subsidized shoes.

Last month, U.S. military planners were scratching their heads over why the Iranians were building a painstaking replica of a Nimitz-class American aircraft carrier, all the way down to the deck numbers. Well, it turns out Iran just really wants to make it go boom.

The United States Marines don't half-ass anything. Not even bizarre misguided protests in front of state capitols.

Madelynn Taylor, 74, served six years in the Navy. Madelynn Taylor grew up with the woman she would eventually marry in Oregon, in 1995. Madelynn Taylor is welcome to be buried in the veterans' cemetery in Idaho, where she now lives. But not with her now-deceased spouse, thanks to an anti-gay state law.

The top Marine who last week told Congress that pay cuts were good for discipline apologized to his troops in a letter for "a mistaken impression that I don't care about your quality of life and that I support lower pay for servicemembers." He then dropped them all and demanded 20 pushups.

They've shoved health care down your throat, and they've tried to take your cows' freedom of movement away. What will Hussein Obummer and his commissars do next? He'll seize your state's attack choppers and leave you at the mercy of martial law, that's what. Wake up, sheeple!

Huffington Post has pulled an infographic and article suggesting a link between U.S. killings by vets and their war service, after Gawker and Business Insider debunked them. "We regret that the data as presented in our graphic was incomplete and misleading," a HuffPo editors' note read.

Most military bigwigs might beg Congress not to reduce their troops' pay. But they're not the Marines' top enlisted man, who told a Senate panel to slash away Wednesday. His Marines could care less, he said, because they just "want to know into whose neck do we put a boot next."

The Navy SEALs who killed Osama bin Laden want $11 million from Uncle Sam for a state-of-the art workout center. Which isn't as much as it sounds like, really, I mean, it's not like they're a Texas high school football team or something.

After more than a decade of foreign wars, many of America's military veterans deal with combat injuries and PTSD. But an even larger problem is the mass of soldiers who've come home with devastating non-combat injuries.

Yesterday, Huffington Post published this infographic depicting "The Deadly Aftermath Of War Right Here At Home." It got hot on Digg's front page. It might give you the impression that war veterans are killing Americans out of all proportion to the rest of the population. You'd be wrong.

The Army published new regulations Monday regarding how women can wear their hair when in uniform, and women are already up in arms. Specifically, thousands of minority women who say the service is discriminating against "ethnic" hairstyles.

A British sniper in Afghanistan reportedly fired one bullet at a jihadi from 930 yards and blew up his bomb vest, killing him and his five jihadi buddies. Then the sniper went to college, choked out a lib professor, beat Obummer in the Super Bowl, and married a beautiful blonde virgin.

It's the story of a man. A man who went to war. And then went to college. And then decked a godless shithead professor. It's a feel-good story! And it went viral among God-fearing Murkans. And then Twitter got hold of it. And then it got really good.

Richard Nixon was a secretive paranoid bigoted sonofabitch. But we never knew the half of it: It turns out his administration waded neck-deep into efforts to sink a war-crimes investigation against U.S. soldiers who notoriously butchered an entire village in Vietnam.

[Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Sinclair, who admitted to inappropriate relationships with three subordinates, arrives at the courthouse with attorney Ellen Brotman for sentencing at Fort Bragg on Thursday. He was reprimanded and docked $20,000 in pay, avoiding jail time in one of the U.S. military's most closely watched courts-martial. Image via Ellen Ozier)/AP.]