All-too-sober wine marketing mavens have their eyes on the wine drinkers of the future: The "Millennials," a.k.a. you, probably. Don't be intimidated, young Four Loko-swillers. The wine industry is going to make this whole thing very easy for you.

Marketing research firm Civic Science was forced to recalibrate its survey scoring system after finding that "millennials"—children born between the late 1970s and early 2000s—don't feel particularly strongly about anything. Not true! Want to know what millennials hate?

Today we looked at millennials and their job woes and how the New York Times talks about them. It sparked some serious discussion! One commenter weighed in to say that, surprise surprise, the Times has it all wrong.

Diane Robina, head of programming for TV Guide Network, stopped by the Gawker.TV offices yesterday for a lively chat with our editor-in-chief, Richard Blakeley. Discussed? Non-linear TV watching, programming for Millennials, and Sunday's "25 Biggest TV Blunders" special. Video inside.

"It took me a year and a half to realize that I'm not just going to stumble into a great job," the Brown '07 grad told Newsweek. Did Career Services forget to tell you about the paradigm shift?

The way we live now: moving to China, where there are paying jobs, especially for people with "initiative" and English language skills! Even better, you don't have to know the language, so forget Rosetta Stone and just go man!

The "I Hate The New Facebook" group is up to 1.4 million members. Facebook plans to make its redesign permanent next week anyway. That rebuff won't hamper Facebook's popularity, or discourage the creation of new groups motivated by the urge to whine. Starting a group on Facebook is the millennial generation's preferred act of protest, but not because the students who create them hope to change anything. They are popular because, since preschool, my fellow millennials and I — very special snowflakes, all of us — have been told that it's not if you win or lose, or even how you play the game. It's that you participate.We millennials know there are two things we can do about weighty problems like the Sudan, Iraq and HIV/AIDS: Start a Facebook group, or mock those who do. I'm not about to start a Facebook group. Forthwith, a list of Facebook groups that never achieved their creator's ambitions to become "one million strong" — though I'm sure coach will give them a plastic trophy at the end of the season anyway.

Shortly after hearing the scuttlebutt (yeah) yesterday about the summer intern who took her new TV network employers and shat all over them (no literally shat all over them) yesterday we put a call out to some of our most cherished sources for "nightmare intern" stories that might gratuitously expand upon the "Kids today: My they are insubordinate and entitled in just that infuriatingly unabashed way that will probably totally work in their favor!" meme. And wow, did the stories we heard totally play to our stereotypes in ways we could not even ourselves imagine! But they also helped to contour our cartoonish notions of "clueless lazy entitled youth" with hints of "well, their parents' generation is obviously to blame"-ism. Take the case of this hapless Vogue-ette!

Ah yes, we fondly recall the halycon days of the summer of 1999, when a fresh-faced batch of no-names captured the zeitgeist by bringing the carnal pleasures of beating off to webcam porn and fucking pastry items to the big screen. Yes, that's right, American Pie was a surprise hit that summer, grossing over $100 million back in the days when that threshold still meant something. It went on to launch the careers of a whole handful of marginally talented actors and even managed to spin off not one, not two but FIVE sequels. The intervening years, however, have not been kind to the cast. Some ended up in rehab (Tara Reid, Natasha Lyonne), some were exposed as having no talent (Jason Biggs, Chris Klein), and some found themselves twirling around dancefloors in silly costumes on utterly banal reality television programs (Shannon Elizabeth). Of the lot, only Alyson Hannigan and Seann William Scott are still in a position where people actually return their phone calls. At least that's what we thought until we saw Stifler out himself on last night's Late Night With Conan O'Brien by confessing that his Q Rating with the millenial set is somewhere south of Carrot Top's. Good luck, Alyson — now you're the last counselor left at Band Camp with any cred. [Late Night With Conan O'Brien]

Millennials! Who are they and what do they want from us? They Facebook their MySpaces all day and Twitter their iPhones all night, and they have terrible manners! Have they come to take us to a Home? Morley Safer investigated on last Sunday's 60 Minutes. [In a repeat, apparently!] The video of the segment is below the jump. It will terrify you! These kids have tattoos and still expect to hold jobs and there are 80 million of them.

We told you about the Wesleyan University (one of the most annoying liberal arts colleges in the United States) partyriot of May 15th; police put down, rather forcefully, a block party that may or may not have gotten out of control. Wesleyan students are shaken and shocked by perhaps their first encounter with senseless injustice and police idiocy. One student says she was bit by a police dog and told she had the right to "shut the fuck up." Another says the party was tame and that she wishes "people would stop using the word 'melee.'" That said, "There are banners up outside eclectic saying things like, DO YOU FEEL SAFE NOW? and the more to-the-point, FUCK THE POLICE." [ThePreReq]

Opening with the now-famous Valleywag story of Kevin Colvin, the banking intern who ran off to party in a fairy costume (he told his boss there was a family emergency, but got outed via Facebook!), Radar hates on Millennials, those born between 1982 and 2002. It isn't fair: the Boomers always hated the slacker, Dazed and Confused-watching Gen Xers, and are retaliating by coddling Millennials at work, falling all over themselves, wanting to help their younger colleagues who "roll into work with their iPods and flip-flops around noon." These brats "think updating a spreadsheet while simultaneously posting to a Twitter account about the latest gossip on perezhilton.com is an essential corporate skill." They bring up 9-11 "should you question their fortitude." But their most egregious sin?