The keeper of the IKEA monkey, who’s been living in a Canadian animal sanctuary for three years now, tells Vice the primate’s life has improved: “Monkeys shouldn’t be wearing nappies, monkeys shouldn’t be on a leash, and they shouldn’t be wearing coats.” Mmm... disagree.

Do you know what to do half a dozen puppies? This monkey clearly does not.

Science news: "Monkeys can learn to see themselves in the mirror." Okay...congrats. (Sarcasm.)

Who knew a little monkey would be the one to teach us all how to love?

A French monkey went on a week-long chocolat bender in Marseilles last week, terrorizing school children and eluding inspectors in the best animal crime to hit France since the Pink Panther.

The German government has been taking good care of musical skid mark Justin Bieber's former pet Capuchin monkey, Mally, since the Biebs abandoned him last year.

A monkey who stole money from a home in the Himachal Pradesh state of India reportedly began passing out that money to other people on Sunday, just for kicks! This is a cool monkey who likes to fuck with people.

Monkeys: Terrible at filmmaking, great at extortion.

As if life weren't miserable enough, even monkeys are working themselves to the bone. Associated Press photographer Muhammed Muheisen has shared a series of photos captured in Rawalpindi, Pakistan of worker monkeys whose purpose is to entertain humans by dancing, shaking hands, and performing other tricks for money.

Justin Bieber's monkey, OG Mally, whose rejection by the pop singer and virtual exile to the depraved nation of Germany has captivated fans of both popular music and lesser primates, has begun to settle into his new adopted nation, perhaps finally ending a saga that has brought the watching world to a virtual stand-still.

Move over, Facebook— researchers say that monkeys have their own form of "social networks!" And look how stupid monkeys are.

OG Mally Bieber, the baby monkey who has been in jail so long he thinks "freedom" is a story made up by grown-ups to scare baby monkeys, will soon have a family of his own, the AP reports.

Earlier this month, the world was stunned to learn that The Boy in the Chanel Ski Mask, Justin Bieber, had abandoned his baby capuchin monkey, Mally, in Germany because all prior evidence had indicated that Justin Bieber would make a levelheaded and responsible mother.

Last week, the headmaster's nephew Justin Bieber flew to Munich to put on a few performances as part of his world tour. He brought almost all the important things with him: his shoe, his passport, his baby capuchin monkey. Unfortunately, he didn't bring one very, very important thing: the necessary clearance forms so that he would be allowed to bring the monkey in and out of Germany. (Who knew you needed "animal clearance forms" for a friend? What a world.)

According to various reports, a very fashionably dressed monkey was found wandering around an Ikea in Toronto. Apparently, the monkey, who was wearing a shearling coat and a diaper, was brought to the store by his owners and left in the car while they went inside. But, as you might have guessed from his coat, this wasn't your regular, run-of-the-mill monkey, content to stay in the car while his owners had all the shopping fun. As the Globe and Mail reports:

Las Vegas residents complain that housing chimps in your backyard is a "safety issue." Man. That town used to be cool.

Scientists recently identified a new species of African monkey. The monkey, called a lesula, is notable not just for its coloring - "unlike anything I've ever seen, as one researcher put it – but also its unique backside. As the New York Times reports:

Do not keep a monkey as a pet.

Earlier this week, a worker from the Lab Animal Services division of a Georgia research university was found spending time at work with the lab animals he loved.

Researchers at Northwestern University recently completed a study in which they were able to restore monkeys' paralyzed hands to "near-normal function" by inserting electrodes into their brains and electronically triggering neural activity.