It's Helen Mirren day, apparently! Here's a trailer for RED (Retired, Extremely Dangerous), an action comedy about retired CIA agents who are, of course, drawn back into the game when shit starts to go haywire. Look at that cast!

Today at Gawker.TV, a full episode of Conan O'Brien's failed pilot Lookwell, Better Off Ted's filthy gag reel, CSI: Miami retold with the help of Tracy Jordan, How I Met Your Mother's musical letdown, and Morgan Freeman weighs in on Conan.

Everyone is familiar with Morgan Freeman's soothing, authoritative voice. That's why Colbert had Freeman read blatantly untrue statements in his most trustworthy voice. One of those statements? That Conan could keep his 11:30 time slot. Ha!

• What caused the death of troubled socialite and heiress Casey Johnson, who was discovered dead in her LA home yesterday? It's too soon to say since toxicology results are pending, although at least one tabloid is suggesting prescription pills may have been involved. In a bizarre twist to the story, Johnson's "fiancée," reality TV star/fame addict Tila Tequila, tweeted last night that Johnson hadn't actually died and was really in a coma, before backtracking a little while later and acknowledging what had already been confirmed by the police. Tequila's also believed to be the last person to have seen the Johnson & Johnson heiress alive. [TMZ, NYP, NYDN]
• It looks like when Beyoncé performed in St. Barts on New Year's Eve, she was doing so at the behest of Hannibal Khadafy, the son of Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafy. This would be the same man who is rumored to have broken his wife's nose last month, was arrested in 2005 for punching her, and was detained by the police in Geneva in 2008 for beating his servants. So either Beyoncé is really hard up for cash (which is doubtful), or she needs someone to vet her public appearances going forward. [P6]
• The third White House state dinner crasher has been identified. His name is Carlos Allen and he's a DC-based party promoter, and he managed to sneak into the White House by hopping on a bus filled with Indian diplomats. [WP]
• Susan Sarandon has denied reports that she's involved with Jonathan Bricklin, her partner in SPiN, the ping pong club on the East Side. But a source close to the 31-year-old entrepreneur says Bricklin and Sarandon spent New Year's together and were very "touch-feely." [Fox411]

God—no, sorry, Morgan Freeman—will replace Walter Cronkite as the guy who introduces Katie Couric with his ghost voice on the CBS Evening News. Did you know...

NYT editor Bill Keller endorses the Oscar campaign for Morgan Freeman's Nelson Mandela Invictus performance.

Whitney Port walking home after paying a visit to a salon in the West Village ... Lindsay Lohan catching a flight at JFK ... Morgan Freeman leaving his hotel ... Naomi Watts walking with her mom in SoHo ... Matt Damon filming scenes for The Adjustment Bureau in Madison Square Park ... Jessica Simpson leaving the Ritz-Carlton in Midtown ... Jessica Szohr walking to the set of Gossip Girl on the Upper West Side ... Audrina Patridge crossing the street ... Josh Duhamel jogging ... Michael Buble leaving ABC after an appearance on Regis & Kelly ... Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz leaving the Ambassador Theatre on West 49th Street ... and Cate Blanchett walking with her sons.

A peacocked network has been brutalized by the economy. Meanwhile, a Burbank studio stores away a billion dollars in their water tower. And back at the ranch, robots are learning how to come together, fight evil, eat, pray, and love.

Mischa Barton was supposed to be in New York tonight to attend the premiere her of her new movie, Homecoming, which was directed by Morgan Freeman. However, she won't be attending after cops were called to her home last night.

• In news that will delight Jews the world over, it seems Britney Spears is thinking about converting to Judaism. She's been seen wearing a Star of David necklace and has found a rabbi to, like, teach her about stuff, so she's well on her way, clearly. [Sun]
• Lindsay Lohan hasn't been getting too many acting roles what with all her personal problems as of late. But she may have found a way around that: She's starting her own film/TV production company. [THR]
• Jerry Seinfeld's rep says he not facing money troubles. But he is doing commercials for "a bank in the boonies of Australia," which can't be a good sign. [P6]
• Mariska Hargitay is back on the set of Law & Order: SVU after a mishap earlier this week sent her to the hospital for 13 stitches. [NYDN]
• Publicist Ali Wise was arrested earlier this week for hacking into Nina Freudenberger's voicemail. But she may not be the only victim out there. [P6]

Model, TV personality, and baby machine Heidi Klum turns 36 today. Morgan Freeman is turning 72. Alanis Morissette is 35. MTV VJ Damien Fahey is turning 29. Andy Griffith is 83. Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood is turning 62. And singer Pat Boone turns 75 years old today.

So many unanswered questions: How will Octo-Mom buy the mansion she's picked out? What kind of jokes did Clint Eastwood tell about "Jose?" Where in Warren Beatty's house will Lindsay Lohan live?

• Is Madonna's relationship with Jesus Luz purely platonic? The two are "quite close and cuddly, but not exactly romantic," and Jesus was spotted at a Kabbalah service "playing around more with Rocco than paying attention to Madonna," which can't be a good sign. [E!]
• Did marrying Tom Cruise ruin Katie Holmes' chances of ever having a movie career? Is Tom's sister secretly handling his PR even though she pretends to just be his assistant? So many questions! [Fox 411, P6]
• Amy Winehouse's estranged husband Blake Fielder-Civil was released from jail yesterday. [The Sun]
• Martha Stewart's old friend Sam Waksal is now out of a halfway house and "ready to get back to work trying to find a cure for cancer." [NYDN]

Though no one cared enough to actually make it to her funeral, Golden Girls actress Estelle Getty was beloved in Hollywood, where actors and agents whiling down coke benders at 4 a.m. grew to love the misadventures of her sassy Sophia Petrillo during countless late-night Lifetime reruns. Still, that didn't stop the sketch comics at Upright Citizens Brigade from trotting out their impressions of the actress — as well as those of the deceased Heath Ledger and Bernie Mac — during a 72-hour marathon at the theater. According to the NY Daily News, celebrity panelist Brooke Shields wasn't laughing:

Bernie Mac's tragic death sparked a surge of postmortems around the Web over the weekend, with many invoking his role as the bad-ass mall gumshoe opposite Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa. But one perceptive observer commenting at Hollywood Elsewhere noted that the late comedian's passing is the latest in a string of similarly untimely demises for other Thornton co-stars as well:

• Barack Obama maybe has something new in common with Hillary Clinton, because according to Scarlett Johansson the whole foofaraw over Obama's email to her was "a product of extreme sexism." [AP]

So, yes, buttery-voiced leadflipper Morgan Freeman is recovering from injuries sustained in a terrible car accident, in which he and a female passenger who wasn't his wife— 48-year-old Demaris Meyer—were lucky to emerge alive. There were whispers, of course, about the nature of their relationship—rumors not likely to die down now that it's been confirmed that the Dark Knight star is in the process of divorcing his wife of 24 years, costume designer Myrna Colley-Lee. From AccessHollywood.com:

So Morgan Freeman. He got into a car accident a few days ago, as you may have heard. He's still recuperating from his injuries in the hospital. But he's also now divorcing his wife, too! A very efficient use of downtime and he'll get to be on painkillers during the legal negotiations. Clever! [NYDN]

The week began with dreadful news: Morgan Freeman—the beloved actor whose comforting, buttery baritone could easily convince you to rack up credit card debt in the name of international athletic competition—was in a serious car accident along with a female passenger. Because both were wearing seatbelts in the 1997 Nissan Maxima, injuries were severe, but not dire. The actor suffered a "broken arm, broken elbow and minor shoulder damage," and required a four-and-a-half-hour surgery to "reconnect nerves and repair damage to his left arm and hand." A spokesperson said he was walking this morning and was looking forward to returning home.

• Mary-Kate Olsen's lawyer said she had nothing to do with the drugs found in Heath Ledger's home or his body. The feds don't seem to be entirely satisfied, though, because they've now planning to get a subpoena to force Mary-Kate to testify. [NYP]