At the risk of seeming obsessed with movie promotions that are doomed to look botched and/or incorrect to at least half of the people that they're intended to reach, we point you to the NY Observer's Daily Transom blog account (disclosure: former "boss" and Defamer guest-blogger Choire Sicha made us quote-whore for another FF item on their blog) of last night's Fantastic Four premiere on Liberty Island, where reporters were hoarded onto ferries (we were instantly reminded of the ferry scene in War of the Worlds, except this time, riders were being carried towards danger) and treated to a fireworks display featuring the FF's iconic and very easily reversible logo:

The official site for The Wedding Crashers has a fun (though very ripe for abuse) promotional widget allowing the user to insert a picture of him/herself into the movie's trailer—and yes, just as you might have expected, it's called Trailer Crashers. We briefly considered inserting our own pic into the trailer and fantasizing about what it might be like to scam some wedding reception-quality tail with Vince Vaughn or Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson, but then we thought that Wilson looked a little lost without his frequent onscreen partner. And via the magic of the internets, voil ! Wilson and Ben Stiller were reunited, restoring some balance to the studio comedy universe.

Not even the waddling, nuzzling, web-footed stars of the unexpected documentary hit March of the Penguins can escape the shadow of the summer's ubiquitous Hollywood drama:

The NYT breaks down Disney's recent, completely non-cynical revival of its Love Bug franchise, Herbie: Fully Loaded, into its constituent parts: product placement and shitergy. The movie's chock-full of Nascar-real advertiser bombardment and shameless ESPN (owned by Disney, naturally) tie-in buggery that encroaches into virtually every scene:

"Now I ask you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury—is that the face of an innocent duck?"

Dear Twentieth Century Fox: If you're going to throw away promotional money using sky-writers to promote your soon-to-be-also-ran superhero movie in the skies of Hollywood, at least make sure that the pilot can properly render your logo.

Today's release of War of the Worlds, which inserts images that recall the aftermath of the September 11th terrorist attacks into perhaps the most commercial movie of the summer, signals that it's now officially safe for Hollywood to start invoking the tragedy without inspiring outrage or protests from those still coping with psychic wounds. In fact, it's now so safe that even the director of The Fast and the Furious is now free to tie 9-11 into his new movie about a robot plane that gains a mind of its own when struck by lightning. From the LAT:

As The Slump deepens, theaters are trying desperation tactics (discounts, lame "all Smiths and Herbies get in free!" promotions, etc etc) to lure the public's indifferent heinies into their stadium seats. The WSJ reports that theater chain AMC is so exasperated with the underperformance of the once Oscar-baiting, now bonafide flop Cinderella Man that they're offering a refund to anyone who doesn't like the treacly cinematic stylings of Ron Howard:

The WOW Report thinks that these fortuitously positioned ads from the LAT Calendar section show Angelina Jolie shitting out the stars of Bewitched, but we think it's clear that Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman are burrowing their way into Jolie's hindquarters. Just like that picture of the old lady and young girl, we suppose that everyone sees what they want to see.

Director Peter Jackson's trying to sue New Line Cinema all the way back to Middle Earth over money he claims he's been shorted by the studio's alleged lowball sale of the subsidiary rights of Lord of the Rings merchandise to Time Warner (New Line's corporate parent) companies. Amazingly enough, an anonymous New Line lawyer thinks Jackson's already raked in all the cash he's entitled to (shocking!), but then gives the "incredible filmmaker" the back of his hand in the NY Times:

Today's LAT looks at how Hollywood's Big Slump has not been confined within America's borders, as some "major" overseas markets have declined at the box office "by as much as 14 percent." Is there a way to blame the Germans for any of this? Why, yes, there is!

· The Supreme Court bitch-slaps Grokster and file-sharing services back down to a lower court, ruling that the companies can be held liable for their users' acts of copyright infringement. Stay tuned for the press release in which MPAA pirate hunter emeritus Jack Valenti compares file-swapping to the trading of molested children on the Russian black market. [Variety]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas XXXIV: The New Paramount relapses into its remaking ways, planning a new version of 1973's Donald-Sutherland-humping-Julie-Christie classic Don't Look Now. [THR]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas XXXV: Warner Bros. and Jennifer Garner to remake the 2004 Japanese hit Be With You. You know, after she pawns the baby off on stay-at-home partner Ben Affleck. [Variety]
· Well, at least it's not a remake: Fox plans to bring video game Max Payne to your local multiplex. [THR]
· Tomorrow's snubs today: Paul Giamatti's soon-to-be acclaimed voice-work in the animated Amazing Screw-On Head to go criminally overlooked. [Variety]

Is it just us, or does it seem like CNN feels a little underwhelmed by this weekend's box office offerings? (Scroll down, the poll on bottom right of the CNN home page.) Unfortunately, the "None; I'd rather spend two hours poking myself in the scrotum with a barbecue fork while being fellated by a wild boar" option was scratched right before publication, which may have skewed the results in the home video industry's favor.

Hey, did you know that Nicole Kidman has a movie opening today? Well, she does! Don't drag that razor blade across your quivering forearm in punishment just yet—we'd forgotten all about Bewitched too, until we stumbled across this utterly fascinating wire story, in which Kidman reveals the rigorous physical preparation for her role and whether or not she'd like to be granted witch powers for a day:

· The MPAA recognizes longtime chief Jack Valenti by renaming its DC headquarters in his honor. Valenti celebrates the occasion in appropriate (and surprisingly touching) fashion, scrawling his name on the building's cornerstone in the blood of a freshly-slaughtered fourteen-year-old who'd illegally downloaded a bootlegged copy of Batman Begins. Valenti then hastily renamed the building the "Jack Valenti 'Take That, Pirate Motherfuckers' Centre at Respecting Copyrights Plaza," removed his shirt, and challenged all comers to a best-of-three-falls Ultimate Fighting bout. [THR]
· "Stringer fingers electronics slump"— We really want to imagine this headline's intentionally filthy, but are having a hard time imagining a body part that corresponds to "electronics slump." [Variety]
· Martha Stewart plays it coy, refuses to reveal her Apprentice dismissal catchphrase. Our vote goes to "Bite the doily," but she should feel free to invent a punctuating hand gesture. [THR]
· Fox reality incubus Mike Darnell takes American Idol to the next, logical step, planning a spin-off in which celebrities warble out-of-key karaoke songs for charity. [Variety]
· The Jeff Zucker suicide watch begins in earnest, as the tarnished NBC golden boy admits that his network took an even bigger pounding than expected following the upfronts. CBS rival Les Moonves buys his entire staff cupcakes to celebrate. [THR]

Less than a week after stunt coordinators picketed outside the offices of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the inclusion of an Oscar category recognizing their craft, the Academy board of governors has flipped the proverbial bird at their efforts:

A Defamer operative just exited a media screening of War of the Worlds and submitted this very brief IM review:

Now that Batman Begins opening has proved that it isn't going to save the industry from its prolonged slump (compared to last year's box office numbers), the LAT takes its turn ruminating about what's going wrong this year—i.e., the expensive flops, the popularity of staying home and watching DVDs instead of peeling asses from sofas to go to the theater, etc, etc. In the middle of the hand-wringing, a producer reminds us that in this age of light-speed bad buzz and massive opening weekend theater counts, every bomb has a very short fuse:

You've long suspected it, but now there's proof: Chinese DVD pirates write much better dialogue than George Lucas.

Someone really should tell Spielberg that while his star believes in aliens, he probably isn't one (did he skip the four hour course at the Centre?), before he puts his foot in his mouth again and makes the red carpet an even more awkward place: