You might want to sit down for this. Are you sitting down? Okay: an officer in the employ of the New York Police Department was convicted today of planting crack cocaine on two innocent people. Not only that—it's apparently only one episode in a "widespread culture of corruption endemic in [NYPD] drug units." I know. I know! My jaw dropped too!

You know it's a good story when it begins with a narcotics task force called "Operation: Ivy League." After months undercover with kids who are reading the Iliad, the NYPD busted five alleged frat boy drug dealers at Columbia University.

Police in Holyoke, Massachusetts arrested a man this week for receiving $100,000 worth of cocaine in the mail that was hidden inside a chunk of bologna, after being tipped off by authorities in Puerto Rico. Who mailorders bologna, anyway?

Bogus drug scares are a mainstay of mainstream media reporting and reactionary parenting. A roundup of the latest in ludicrous drug trends—and look back at how bogus substances have stirred panic for more than a century now—below.

Was Rush Limbaugh's Hawaiian hospitalization drug-related? This line from a report about his medical crisis raises a flag: "Limbaugh told emergency crews that he was having chest pains and had been taking medication for back trouble."