Wrinkly News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch chose Natalie Bancroft, an inexperienced 27 year-old opera singer, for his company's board for very good reasons: He had to choose someone from her family, which controlled Dow Jones before selling to Murdoch last year; The people in the family who might actually be qualified for the board seat would also be a pain in Rupert's ass; and Natalie Bancroft has promised to work her "little butt off" in a quest to figure out what the hell she's doing!

A bunch of "experts" and white men are trashing Rupert Murdoch's all-knowing decision to add Natalie Bancroft to the board of Murdoch's News Corp. The 27-year-old non-performing opera singer and member of the Bancroft family, which happily tossed the Wall Street Journal to the Aussie tabloid terror and now would like to Monday morning quarterback everything, is described as probably being the gal who will plan the Christmas party. Let me ask the old white men this: Have you ever been to that poker game? The one where the new girl arrives in the slightly-inappropriate dress and is all "Um, oh my God, what is 'Texas Hold 'Em'?" And then she leaves with everyone's money and a couple phone numbers? We know Natalie Bancroft is that girl. From board meeting number one, she has the greatest advantage on her side: She is not encumbered by a penis, that poisonous organ that makes people stupid.

The poor Bancroft family, former owners of the Wall Street Journal, have bent themselves entirely over new WSJ owner Rupert Murdoch's lap. They've spent the last two months trying to put a representative on the board—but blew a deadline and ensured that Murdoch got to choose for them. (Bitter but true: Rupert wanted "the appearance of the support a Bancroft Family member," according to Christopher Bancroft, not "a 'seasoned champion of journalistic values' from the world of journalism." Plus! "Our family's concerns about journalistic integrity are clearly indicated by our willingness to sell Dow Jones to News Corp." Youch!) And now the family is torn apart because 27-year-old Natalie Bancroft, described dismissively as "a 27-year-old opera singer living in Europe," will sit on the News Corp. board. But?