Many of us have heard and survived ghastly "real housewife" Kim Zolciak's single, "Tardy for the Party." So, who actually bought it? People who like RuPaul, which makes sense. But all that twisted love actually belongs to NeNe.

Last night, the sounds coming out of the mouths of the Real Housewives of Atlanta were even more dulcet and beguiling than Kim Zolciak's debut single. There is only one appropriate response to such beauty: poetry.

Leighton Meester acts obnoxiously in a fancy Hamptons restaurant, Bernie Madoff boned his secretaries, Shania Twain is an Idol judge, NeNe was a stripper, Erin Andrews gets dirty for GQ, Madonna turns 51, and Sean Penn's marriage is officially over.

• Remember how Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn said they were divorcing a few months ago, but then changed their minds and announced they were getting back together? Yea, well, they're divorcing again. [P6, People]
• ESPN's Erin Andrews, the reporter who was filmed in the nude without her consent a few weeks back, can be seen in a new set of "dirty" photos. This time it was intentional, though. [NYDN]
• Celine Dion and the man she calls her husband (but who we always confuse with her grandfather for some reason) are expecting their second child. [OK]
• Leighton Meester was shouting and carrying on with her friends at Philippe in East Hampton last weekend, much to the annoyance of other diners present like NBC chief Jeff Zucker and billionaire Steve Schwarzman. [P6]

It's no secret that NeNe of Real Housewives of Atlanta has a massive crush on Anderson Cooper, but you'd think by now she'd have heard the rumors. Or maybe she's just a hopeless romantic, because she's still lusting for him.

When looking for a city to chart the materialist lives of wealthy women, how did Atlanta come in third after iconic locations Orange County and New York? Apparently because it is the nexus of all bat-shit insane drama.

When Michael Phelps-lusting newsman Anderson Cooper first professed his obsession with Real Housewives breakout NeNe Leakes, we thought NeNe knew exactly what it was she was up against. Maybe not, she's revealed.

Ever since NeNe Leakes became the breakout star of Real Housewives of Atlanta, it's as though her reputation's been dragged through the...well, if not mud, how about a patio littered with fecal matter?

When the Great Pop Culture Doomsday concludes, none among us will have houses left standing, let alone refuge, succor, or our Blackberries. In that sense, then, Real Housewives breakout NeNe Leakes was ahead of the curve by getting evicted from her mansion, but she is not going to take the attendant bad press lying down! Patiently, NeNe waited for Bravo himbo Andy Cohen to stop blogging about whatever "trashy hookaaa" he was fixated on, then hijacked Cohen's blog to release an official statement on the matter:

♦ It's not just creditors going after Donald Trump these days: An employee of Trump's golf course in LA says in a lawsuit that the club prohibited her from taking lunch and bathroom breaks. She's only asking for $15,000, though, so obviously she didn't learn much during her stint working for the real estate mogul. [TMZ]
♦ A lawyer for Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos says there's "not a shred of truth" to the rumors the couple is splitting up. [OK!]
♦ Britney Spears' birthday party didn't exactly go as planned. None of her close friends showed up and onlookers say she spent the whole time looking "vacant" and "empty." [R&M, P6]
♦ NBC is furious that news of David Gregory's Meet the Press promotion leaked earlier this week. The likely culprit? NBC political director Chuck Todd. [P6]

To become one of Bravo's Real Housewives, a woman typically needs two things: a fabulous mansion, and a crippling, trainwreck-tastic case of vapid self-absorption. Atlanta breakout NeNe Leakes managed to get by without the latter, telling it like it is (even when standing up to friends who contracted fake cancer at a Chili's) in a down-to-earth manner than won the heart of Anderson Cooper. Now, it looks like NeNe may be about to do without the former, too: she's been evicted! The Atlanta Journal-Constitution called to find out what happened, and NeNe gave them a typically mouthy piece of her mind:

A Thanksgiving dinner almost seems superfluous after the feast that was last night's Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion special. There were almost too many highlights to name, though we're sure that noted NeNe aficionado Anderson Cooper was squealing when the buxom breakout went flying at adulteress Kim Zolciak, screaming, "CLOSE YOUR LEGS TO MARRIED MEN! CLOSE YOUR LEGS TO MARRIED MEN!" (She then had to be sat on to avoid further confrontations.) Still, Kim proved her worth in one head-spinning, wig-justifying anecdote:When Bravo figurehead Andy Cohen related an email sent by viewer "Murtice, from Oakland" inquiring about Kim's suspicious hairdo, the Housewife collapsed into a dizzy-making story about how she only had to wear a wig because she had... well, if someone else would like to say "cancer," then she'll go with that. However, after milking what little sympathy she could out of a stone-faced, skeptical NeNe, Cohen pressed Kim further, forcing her to relate a breakdown at Chili's (!) where she discovered that actually, she never had cancer in the first place. It's a fictional miracle! Videogum's got the clip: Click to view

Long-distance love affairs conducted only in the press are difficult to maintain — even moreso when one of the parties is carrying around a little bitty secret. So it is, then, that the relationship between CNN newsman Anderson Cooper and Real Housewives of Atlanta breakout NeNe Leakes appears to have culminated after weeks of Ellen-assisted flirting. At first, Leakes seemed flattered by Cooper's ardor, but in her current interview with People magazine, she appears to know exactly what she's up against:

CNN anchor and precious treasure Anderson Cooper was on the Tonight Show last night, and, in between digressions into world affairs, host Jay Leno asked about his well-documented love for the reality show Real Housewives of Atlanta, and specifically for star NeNe Leakes. Shrewd as ever, Leno then teased Cooper for clearly favoring Leakes for her ample bosom, at which point Cooper abruptly changed the subject. When asked at a different point in the conversation about the inevitability of holographic porn, Cooper abruptly brought up making holograms of wrestlers. Leno must have been wondering about that, because wrestlers tend to lack ample bosoms! Click the video icon to unlock the mystery for yourself.

Any reality star worth his or her salt has two things going for them: a complete lack of shame, and a very handy, self-applied Google Alert. So it is, then, that not long after respected newsman Anderson Cooper accessorized his Real Housewives of Atlanta endorsement with the now-immortal statement, "Honey, I don't even know where to begin with NeNe," NeNe herself knew exactly where to begin: by getting herself over to E! to ride the silver fox press wave! She spoke to the network's Marc Malkin: