Our man Herman Cain had a scheduled interview at 10 a.m. this morning with the editorial board of the New Hampshire Union Leader, the state's biggest newspaper. Every candidate does this interview. Dumb turd Rick Perry even did it!

Mitt Romney, when pressed by a New Hampshire editorial board about his *somewhat* contradictory opinions on top political issues over the last decade, had this to say: "I've been as consistent as human beings can be." Hmm. Really? He must be joking. Really? Oh, Mittens.

How much does Michele Bachmann's campaign hate New Hampshire? So much, say her ex-staffers there. And now it's mailed in her ballot paperwork instead of staging the usual in-person event. How rude! New Hampshire doesn't take kindly to mail.

Michele Bachmann's entire team of New Hampshire staffers quit as a group last week, a development which Bachmann at first claimed was "certainly not true." That alone should tell you that it was true. But just in case there was any confusion out there, the resigning staffers sent out a press release today. It does not speak well of the Bachmann for President campaign operation.

Rep. Michele Bachmann's broke, flailing presidential campaign is now being straight-up Newtered: Her entire New Hampshire campaign team, which was only about six people, has quit. Their reason was something along the lines of 'What's the fucking point?'

Republican Inter-State Party Catfight Alert! New Hampshire is threatening to move its first-in-the-nation primary date to either December 6 or 13 if Nevada doesn't move back its scheduled January 14 caucuses. The Nevada party chair's actual text-message reaction: "WHAT??!!!"

You're probably familiar by now with the trifecta of tragicomic outbursts from the last three Republican debates: cheering for Rick Perry's 234 executions, cheering for uninsured sick people to die, and booing a gay soldier. So what terrible thing will happen at tonight's Washington Post/Bloomberg debate from Hanover, New Hampshire? Nothing, if the Dartmouth's powerhouse newspaper editorial board has anything to do with it!

The good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, will endorse old creep Mitt Romney this afternoon in New Hampshire, according to various BREAKING reports. So... will Chris Christie run for president now? Oh, wait.

Do Sarah Palin's visits to Iowa and New Hampshire this Labor Day weekend augur a presidential candidacy announcement in the near future? A whole 71% of Republican voters sure as Hell hope not.

For a whole second time in a matter of weeks, we have footage of robotic old Northeastern Rockefeller Republican Mitt Romney raising his voice, in a public forum. This is not how your governess trained you to behave, Mittens.

Here's a supremely creepy clip of a Bank of America executive — perhaps, say, its director of public policy? — walking up to Rick Perry at a New Hampshire event on Wednesday and saying "Bank of America. We will help you out." Well, we know that the governor appreciates a nice gift.

Hackers are not particularly well-known for having coherent, well thought-out plans, but, man, this one might really take the cake: John Joaquim III has been arrested and accused to taking control of a friend's Facebook and Gmail accounts and demanding that she send him nude photos as ransom.

Death-loving prayer overlord Rick Perry is getting ready to launch a presidential campaign, it appears! And in his first act as a kinda-maybe frontrunner, he plans to screw over Tim Pawlenty and/or Michele Bachmann in Iowa.

In New Hampshire—whose culture we're suddenly learning all about, in piecemeal fashion—the parking situation outside the state's new, $3.3 million liquor store is probably causing a lot of anxiety for residents who have ever voted for Ralph Nader at some point in their lives.

What is New Hampshire like? Not many people know! This is what it's like: If a thief steals your wallet, he will return it, with more money inside, along with an apology note signed "Stupid."

Mitt Romney, the likely favorite among 2012 Republican presidential candidates, launched his campaign in what for him is the must-win state of New Hampshire yesterday. All the local reporters were invited. So how did the state's biggest newspaper, the Union Leader, present Romney's announcement on today's front page? Look up at the hilarious image up top! What, you can't see it? It's neatly tucked away there in the bottom right corner, next to all the important stuff about non-candidate Sarah Palin saying "hi" to some fishermen and eating clams.

Mitt Romney is kicking off his second presidential campaign later on Thursday, and — according to published excerpts from the afternoon's big speech — he'll do it with a healthy dose of fear-the-coming-socialist-tide rhetoric.

Remember when John "Evil Ned Flanders" Bolton, the pickled death mustache who used to represent America at the United Nations, was yammering about a possible run for president, just so he could bomb Iran? He still hasn't made up his mind. Well, keep taking your time! No one's hurrying you.

New Hampshire's Republican voters will have so many wonderful candidates to choose from in the first 2012 presidential primary, but two of them rise above the field.

One of New Hampshire's new state representatives is 91-year-old Martin Harty, and he's hilarious. This World War II veteran and "retired peddler and market vendor" has admitted that he has no idea how to do his job, although he does manage to advocate for eugenics in conversations with constituents.