For over fifty years, the tiny New Hampshire village of Dixville Notch has been the source of Election Day's first official result, and this year was no different.
A 24-year-old man from Hooksett, New Hampshire, with a very distinct sexual perversion has been luring caregivers to his home under the guise of having a serious brain injury and needing someone to change his underwear.
Frank Szabo doesn't want to resort to deadly force to stop abortions — but he will if left with no other choice.
There is a very rural New England debate raging in the small town of Mont Vernon, N.H. (pop. 2,400), this week, as residents prepare to vote over whether or not to change the name of a local, manmade body of water named "Jew Pond."
It's time to cover the results of the First Primary in the Nation, New Hampshire — that famous outlier among the Republican coalition that doesn't tell you much about anything! Mitt Romney is expected to win, but will he win by enough? That's how we're sucking you in tonight. If Mitt Romney doesn't get 52% of the vote, or let's say 100%, his campaign is over. Grab your assault rifle and poor a beer down your ear, as we watch — together.
With "nothing left to do" on the campaign trail, the Romneys went to the movies this afternoon, where Tagg demonstrated the worst way for a pale-eyed family to pose for a picture: In a dim theater in front of a camera with a flash, which will turn all of their perfect blue eyes into glowing orbs of horror.
What does Chris Christie even mean when he waddles up to these New Hampshire hecklers — females, primarily — at a Mitt Romney event and tells them, "You know, something may go down tonight but it ain't gonna be jobs, sweetheart?" He's responding to their chants of "Christie kills jobs!" and "Mitt kills jobs!" So, we have three options.
The New Hampshire primary is supposed to be a civil, grassroots affair in which Granite Staters politely listen to a class of sophisticated presidential candidates discuss the important issues — trade, housing, etc. — and then pass on their choice of the most serious of the serious candidates for the nation to certify. There is no time for silliness; this is an affair of statesmanship. Also, there's this crazy guy who wears a boot on his head and shouts nonsense who shows up in Manchester every cycle.
Let's direct our fury right now at the distant future people; the ones who were apparently too lazy to use their time machines to come and warn us in 2006, when useless Sen. Rick Santorum was losing his Senate seat by double digits, that we'd still be watching videos of this fucking guy whining about gay marriage six years later when he was a top-tier candidate for a presidential nomination! Then we could've just killed ourselves then and there instead of naively expecting any trace of human progress.
Okay, "stupid" isn't really the most nuanced way to describe this. It's also quite funny in its tactlessness, once you work through all the racism and vomit a few times. It shows clips of Jon Huntsman speaking Chinese, which everyone knows he speaks because he was the ambassador to China. There is also, what do you call it, "stock Chinese music" playing in the background. It notes that Huntsman has adopted two daughters from the East. None of this is congratulatory, however; it takes the more racist is Jon Huntsman the Manchurian candidate? path. Who made this wonder of wonders?
Mitt Romney, who is up by 700 percentage points in New Hampshire at the moment, has dispatched his spawn to hold things down in "The Granite State" while he pretends to care about Iowans for a few days. Bad idea, Mittens. Because of your incompetent sons is spreading Birther talk up there! What is wrong with Matt Romney?
There are two possible explanations for these horrendously mislabeled graphics from yesterday's Special Report with Brett Baier: one, that no one at Fox News knows or cares about where Nevada and New Hampshire are; or two, that the network is somehow trying to fool the Obama administration into pumping millions of dollars into Utah, thinking that it's actually Nevada. Not sure which is less embarrassing. [via Media Matters; image via AP]
Oh Christ, someone on Team Romney is going to get fired today: Poor old Mittens was forced to talk to a human, one-on-one, with cameras rolling. And not just any human, but a gay one. Who was a veteran. In Vietnam. Which was a war. And so on. Yikes.
Despite tracking at 1% or less in many polls, Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman remains in the race. He hopes to get a boost this week from an assault of new pro-Huntsman TV ads airing in New Hampshire, paid for by a Super PAC, that was funded in part by Huntsman's billionaire father. Huntsman may seem like a daddy's boy now, but as Stephen Colbert explained (and the showed) on tonight's Report, things could be much worse.
The other storylines are spent: Newt Gingrich surging, Herman Cain maybe dropping out, Mitt Romney hanging in there, still, while being hated by his political party. But about our man Rick Perry? Sure, he's a terrible candidate who screws himself over each time he does anything in public. And his campaign's funding has mostly dried up, although he still has a modest stack of summer cash in the bank. How will he come back, even though he probably won't? It is a three-part strategy.
