There's an ongoing rivalry between New York City and Orlando to see which of these popular vacation destinations could reach 50 million visitors in a single calendar year, instantly earning them the title of "most overcrowded and overpriced tourist trap in America."

Investigators have reportedly matched a DNA sample from ex-IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn to "material" taken from the shirt of the hotel maid he's accused of assaulting. Other possible DNA evidence is still waiting for test results; till then, prosecutors have been leaking details about the alleged sexual assault — including Strauss-Kahn's purported egocentric overtures to his accuser.

Four 10th graders from St. Ann's—NYC private school to Brooklyn's brownstone elite—have been arrested for setting fire to a public school's playground, melting the slide. Class rage meter: 5%

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the head of the International Monetary Fund and an likely candidate for France's upcoming presidential elections, was arrested on Saturday and charged with attempted rape for allegedly sexually assaulting a cleaning woman at his hotel room.

Attention, New Yorkers: Have you seen this bird? A female peacock — technically, we suppose, a peahen — is currently roaming the Bronx, having freed itself from the Bronx Zoo only a few weeks after fellow zoo occupant Mia the cobra escaped.

Maybe the "don't try to force students to sell drugs for you" page had been torn out of Anthony Davis' "How to Be a Successful Student Aide" handbook, because that's what he allegedly went ahead and did.

Fish peddler Yong Hao Wu has been charged with importing thousands of live snakehead fish—a crime in New York state, in case you've slacked off on studying your fish laws (don't feel ashamed; we've all been there).

Most reasonable people can agree that the only thing missing from the modern church experience is Death Cab for Cutie lyrics. The arrival, then, of the Trinity Grace Church to New York City's East Village ("a neighborhood perceived by many as libertine," The New York Times hazards) proves welcome: Trinity Grace's pastor and founder, 33-year-old Guy Wasko, quotes from Death Cab as freely as he does from scripture. And that's not all! The Rev. Wasko, we are told by the Times, sports "spiky brown hair" and "eight-gauge steel posts in both ears"; he has a tattoo, and, judging by the accompanying photographs, a soul patch. In other words: This guy is legit. And thanks to him, the East Village is getting a dose of rock 'n roll preaching:

The grand experiment is finally over. NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg has dropped his unqualified and unpopular schools chancellor Cathie Black after only a few months on the job. Her replacement will be Dennis Walcott, a current deputy mayor.

Here's footage taken by an intrepid German tourist (and railroad enthusiast) of the 42nd Street Times Square subway stop back in 1986.

Thousands of people in Brooklyn will tell you how great Brooklyn used to be. I never took those people seriously. Until I heard how once, pot plants "as tall as Christmas trees," grew in "anonymous vacant lots" in Brooklyn.

On tonight's Report, we witnessed the conclusion of Stephen Colbert's "Raging Art-On," where the host delved into New York's art auction scene and attempted to get top dollar for a portrait of himself to benefit charity. How'd it go?

A tipster sent us this picture he took on Sunday night of a big, furry rat curled up in the window of the Skechers store in Manhattan's Union Square. (Click here to view the full-size photo.) Is that seriously nasty, or what? Who on earth would wear such hideous shoes?

Rejoice! The Barefoot Contessa recap is back! On today's brand new episode of Ina Garten's rich (in many ways), televised culinary compendium, East Hampton's HBIC sank her teeth into—and got some intense pleasure from—a cornucopia of good eats.

A new report from the Drug Policy Alliance alleges that New York City is currently spending something like $75 million every year on low-level marijuana possession charges—the vast majority of which are directed at black and Latino youths.

Sure, the music and editing will make you feel like you're on a bad trip, but this footage of a very 1980s New York City—or as the author put it, "No York City—is interesting never-the-less.

This "hipster trap"—baited with Pabst Blue Ribbon, American Spirits, a bike chain and neon-pink Wayfarers—was photographed by Reddit user gigaface, who encountered the fauxhemian hunter in New York City. Before you object to the choices of bait, remember that having any opinion at all about hipsters or their taste preferences automatically renders you a hipster. (The trap itself, according to gigaface, is made of cardboard.) Full-sized photo below. [Reddit]

Filmmakers Sarah Klein and Tom Mason beautifully capture the moment one emerges from the dark and dingy subway to above ground where millions of people call home.

A sixteen-year-old was arrested in Brooklyn on Wednesday for kidnapping the daughter of an acquaintance after the acquaintance "smacked" her for eating the last of his hot pockets. Yes! That is what happened, according to the Staten Island Advance, which cites "a law enforcement source"; the suspect, one Aliyah Austin—"a transient from Brooklyn"—was, in fact, briefly cohabitating with the unnamed "acquaintance" and apparently providing babysitting services. ("The source," the Advance tell us, "could not immediately say how Ms. Austin met the victim's father.") In any case, it was the fateful hot pocket-related "smack" (surely that qualifies as domestic abuse?) that set this particular wheel in motion:

We just caught this funny little segment about Mayor Bloomberg's budget cuts from our local ABC affiliate. Okay, so his reporting isn't funny, but the gaggle of people tip-toeing behind him in unison definitely is. Well played, random street people!