An acquaintance of ours once spent an airline flight seated next to a journalist whose columns he found inaccurate and displeasing. When the stewardess arrived to place their meals on their tray tables, our acquaintance looked over at the columnist and said, "Hey, Herb, now you can finally eat what you write!"
If the sweat wasn't making your eyes burn and consequently swell shut, you might have enjoyed this week's edition of the Times Book Review. Such is not the case, however — and so you can barely keep your eyes open while you dangerously head towards a heatstroke. You don't have much time to catch up on your literature before you pass out, so do enjoy this abbreviated guide to the review courtesy of Intern Alexis. After the jump, Josef "father of Jessica" Joffe gets slapped, The OC gets praised, and Benjamin Kunkel gets misty for a life lesson-filled memoir.
Like a brave little girl who wants you to know that, while sticks and stones may cause bodily harm, criticism of a more verbal kind results in no injuries, Katha Pollitt shows up in The Times' today to thank an unnamed reviewer for trashing her recent collection, This Book Could Have Been Written At Any Point In The Last Thirty Years. (We're gonna let you in on a little secret, the review was by Gawker Media alumna Ana Marie Cox, and can be found here.) Pollitt, her head held high, relates how Cox's evisceration of her book (even in the "to be sure" paragraph, where the NYTBR reviewers are required by law to say something nice about the author, Cox can't help but make fun of Pollitt's strident pronouncements) actually turned out to be a good thing, since being written about by a semi-famous "mini-celebrity" enhanced Katha's own fame. It also turned out to be good for the book in the sense that Katha dropped a couple hundred bucks of her own money to jack up the Amazon numbers.
In this week's journey into the intellectual bitchery that is known as the New York Times Book Review takes Intern Alexis into not one, but two different lesbian book reviews — and, in the absence of any real book news, this counts as a trend. Meanwhile, Dave Itzkoff continues to reach new levels of geekiness while writer Cynthia Ozrick gets a little dorky herself by responding to an unfavorable review with a freaking poem (the closest the Gray Lady will ever get to a "your momma" snap). After the jump, Alexis takes your hand and walks you through the pseudo-fray.
This week's edition of the Times book review is a little cranky — Intern Alexis finds snark everywhere, from Walter Kirn to Norah Vincent to Ana Marie Cox (no surprise there). Apparently, that's how one should celebrate our nation's indepedence: sipping haterade. Or, if you're Dorin Oltarsh Schumacher, you celebrate by writing the Review a long-ass letter about how you had to put a child up for adoption 50 years ago. Then you stick a sparkler up your ass.
The Times Book Review gets its sticky, intellectual fingers all over former public editor Dan Okrent's book and promptly passes it off to Sir Harold Evans (whose wife, if you recall, is so over New York), who puzzlingly gives it a few, punishing slaps and then goes on to declare Okrent the best thing to happen to journalism since alcohol. Gee, hate fuck much? That, plus poetic praise for David Orr, in Intern Alexis' weekly literati cheat-sheet. Let her give herself to you, after the jump.
Maybe it's summertime laziness kicking in, but this week's edition of the Times Book Review was kind of "eh." Reviewer Tom Bissell lovingly gives Rory Stewart a handjob; Garrison Keillor gives a book report about Harper Lee; letter-writers don't like reading about food. Dammit, it's summer — where are the bikini waxing books? The trashy romance novels? The moving melanoma stories? Please, just a little joy. That's all we ask.
Despite the recently shitty weather, this week's New York Times Book Review had high hopes for summer, bravely going forth regardless of nature with its Summer Reading issue. Alas, the review's idea of summer reading begins and ends with baseball. That's it. Fantasy baseball, baseball statistics, baseball for tykes, and so on. It was a little much for Intern Alexis, who received nary a peanut or a Cracker Jack for her efforts. For all that time exposed to America's pastime, you'd think the Times would at least give its readers a free foam hand or something. After the jump, Alexis' guide to acting like you're literate.
It took Intern Alexis a little longer than usual to get through this week's installment of the Times Book Review — not because of the long weekend, but because she had to stop every 3 paragraphs and get something to eat. That's what happens when the Gray Lady subjects you to an all-foodie edition of the review, complete with both cookbooks and cook's books. This week is light on the literature but heavy on the celebrity chefs; after the jump, Intern Alexis gets more than her fair share of Mario Batali's clogged magic and Anthony Bourdain's bad-assery.
This week's edition of the Times Book Review attempts to rank the best works of American fiction, surprising no one and making Toni Morrison, if possible, even more wealthy. Moving onward, Intern Alexis is horrified to find reviewer Walter Kirn sloppily fellated by Thisbe Nissen, who's clearly campaigning for something. Meanwhile, Curtis Sittenfeld gets the same treatment, albeit less sloppy, and Dave Itzkoff writes in computer speak, scaring off any readers he may have had in the process. After the jump, Alexis helps you fake your way to being well-read.
Like many a vagina-bearing being, Intern Alexis is a sucker for the heartwarming animal stories. Specifically, tales of interspecies BFFs — inseparable kittens and puppies, for example — really gets her menses going, so this week's edition of the Times Book Review was especially coo-worthy with its children's book section focued on interspecies mingling. Lest you think this week is all fluff, however, there's plenty of whiny bitches and anal musings from Dwight Garner. After the jump, Alexis' guide to faking your own literacy.
Not quite recovered from having Michiko Kakutani serve her her ass on a plate, A.M. Homes gets another mini-beating in this week's Times Book Review, courtesy of Walter Kirn, who calls Homes a "Streisandist." Why Walter, you just coined an awesome new insult! Well done! After the jump, Intern Alexis muses on Streisandism, happy books, and scary turtle pictures in her weekly guide to sounding like you read.
Is the Times Book Review experiencing some sort of cranky Groundhog's Day? We have to ask, given that they've allowed reviewers to make impossibly unfair comparisons of their subjects to HRH Joan Didion for two weeks in a row. Of course nobody's Joan fucking Didion — is it really necessary to deliver an extra slap in an already unfavorable review by name-dropping? Yeah, we're talking to you, Kurt Andersen. Intern Alexis tackles that, plus the formal fellating of Gary Shteyngart, in her weekly guide to sounding halfway literate.
In this week's installment of the Times' catty Sunday book club, a University of Chicago academic comes to the defense of Sven Birkets, who was heralded last week as poised to "replace Rick Moody as Dale Peck's 'worst writer of his generation.'" Plus, Birkerts has just been hired by Harvard, and it's nice to see someone finally stick up for a beleagured Crimsonette. Meanwhile, Erica Jong gets smacked by comparison to Joan Didion, leaving Intern Alexis stumbling on such an uneven playing field. That, plus some unerotic erotic lit, after the jump.
• Assuming Tom Cruise does eat placenta, he learned how to serve it courtesy of Vice. It's like Food & Wine for the flesh-eating hipster set, after all. [Viceland]
• How bad are things getting in the world of big-budget beauty pageants? Bad enough that Miss USA contestants are doing photo-ops Mars 2112. [Getty Images]
• The FreeJaredPaulStern blog, dedicated to saving the reporter from allegations of extortion, throws in the towel. Sometimes people just don't want to be helped. [FJPS]
• Another reason to fear bloggers. [CNN]
• Heeding the call of impatient burger lovers everywhere, Shake Shack gets its own webcam so that you can effectively time your visits for more efficient, heart-clogging consumption. [Gothamist]
• The legendary Algonquin Round Table gets the musical treatment; Dorothy Parker rolls over in her grave. [Reuters]
• We've no idea if this is legitimate, but downtown auteur Marc Ecko claims to have tagged Air Force One. Update: OK, not legitimate. [Still Free]
• Village Voice nightowl Tricia Romano comes clean about her swag, none of which strikes us as particularly enviable. [VV]
• Natasha Lyonne, pull your ass out of rehab and come pick up your shit. [CL]
In her latest review of the New York Times Book Review, Intern Alexis is faced with the reality that Harvard students were not in tears while reading Madame Bovary. After accepting that crimson can be so cruel, Alexis notices a lot of "nah-nahs" going around amongst reviewers, which is especially painful when coming from a Pulitzer winner. This, plus the inexplicable anger of reviewer William Logan, after the jump.
In this week's installment of the Times Book Review, hell hath frozen over and left us with Alexandra Jacobs, who doesn't hate on Bonnie Fuller with the sass and ire we were kind of expecting. This left Intern Alexis in an extended state of emotional confusion, her copy of the review stained with tears. But redemption awaits in nasty reviews by Greil Marcus, Ken Kalfus, and Guy Martin — three men who takes the concept of "catty bitch" to admirable new levels. After the jump, Alexis gives you the weekly rundown of intellectual book-burning.
After two weeks of traveling the world in search of the finest and most exotic psychedelics, Intern Alexis is back on the island, well-rested and happy to be home. But something is different: our precious little literary crankpot is unquestionably perky this week, finding the Times Book Review to be actually enjoyable (she all but takes her pants off for reviewer David Gates). We'd say she's returned a changed woman, but we'll blame those TMA muffins she picked up in Thailand.
This week in the Times Book Review, intellectual feminist Naomi Wolf puts down her newfound Bible just long enough to pick up the Gossip Girls books. While flitting about the Young Adult section, she finds that the teen slut genre is promoting "escapist fantasies." Well, no shit — that's why they're good! After that, it's a lengthy debate on the use of "fancy" and Walter Benjamin's forthcoming hash-happy compilation. After the jump, Intern Alexis holds your hand and guides you through the Cliff's Notes of the Review.
Say what you will about Intern Alexis (she's a cheap whore, etc.), but the girl is nothing if not courageous. If we were faced with a letter about sex from Cosmo founder and fiesty octogenarian Helen Gurley Brown, we'd most definitely turn our head in fear and send the paper towards the nearest trashcan fire. But Alexis soldiers on so that she might tell you about Brown's 90-year-old lover. After that lovely appetizer, she dines on the nerdtastic debut of former Spin editor Dave Itzkoff's column, followed by oysters and a little cronyism. Her weekly guide to the Times Book Review follows.
