Dan Thorn, an anchor at West Virginia's 59 News, has released the white-news-anchorest possible music video for "Where They at Doe?"—not so much a T.I. track as a Bobby Shmurda remix of the time Floyd Mayweather claimed he'd given T.I. two black eyes, and the rapper showed his face on video to ask "Where they at, though?"

People's Most Beautiful Person of 2014 is Oscar winner Lupita Nyong'o, unfortunately for news anchors around the U.S., who have no idea how to pronounce her last name. Jimmy Kimmel didn't even need to trick anyone to get this montage of stuttering local newsreaders.

You probably know that CNN completely and utterly blew it today, in the most embarrassing way possible, by reporting not "what happened" but, actually, the exact opposite. But did you know that it's all the fault of a super-hot news-babe? BuzzFeed's Michael Hastings explains in his piece about how stupid everyone at CNN is feeling:

Snooki made her debut as a news anchor today on some AOL site that hasn't yet been renamed "HuffPost [Subject]." And while we're still deciding if the Jersey Shore star has a knack for reportage, she's definitely got a fan in Anderson Cooper, who spent a few minutes on tonight's AC360 fawning over his "little cutie Couric." Video of the segment is above.

With the start of Anderson Cooper's new daytime talk show, Anderson, just weeks away there's speculation that CNN's biggest closet case will be coming out during the daylight hours. So will he? And just when would he do it? Let's speculate.

With her shiny blonde hair, perky heels and power suit ("A flair for journalism - and power pink!"), this new Barbie toy reminds us of the famous Fox News babes. Megyn Kelly perhaps? Does Barbie hate the Black Panthers too?

Here's video of a news anchor for POP TV in Slovenia, who recently pulled a Ron Burgundy and delivered the news sans pants. At the end of the broadcast, the camera—and his movement—revealed it all to the viewer.

Anchors/reporters are the celebrities of the news business: a bunch of familiar faces that sometimes won't stop talking. But can you name the newscasters before they became famous? Test your knowledge of these TV mainstays with their yearbook photos, inside.

Sometimes, a short/random video is just what we need for a quick—and hearty—laugh. Luckily, we have San Francisco news anchor Ken Bastida, and his unfortunate non-transition when talking about an absent colleague, to provide the chuckle. Video inside.

Watch this bloody brilliant collection of stuffy British newscasters getting right gobsmacked on the BBC. Pip pip cheerio!

Listen closely to this Sky News report from last summer. Looks like someone forgot to fill in part of the autocue. I imagine it would have taken up, oh, "12 words or 4 seconds" or so.

Jeff Toobin's fetish is too-hot-to-print. Outing Anderson is a national pastime and Barbara Walters has more sex than you do. If gravitas, hairspray, and that thousand-mile teleprompter gaze are your thing, here's your dossier for meth-smoking, anal-fisting, camera-loving news anchors.

This morning, on Good Day New York, Rosanna, Greg and the crew of SkyFoxHD, the Fox 5 newscopter, were mesmerized by a buoy in the Hudson River. What is it doing there? Investigate that, Fox 5!

WHDH Boston's Pete Bouchard was discussing the total amount of snowfall (in inches) during a broadcast and he made quite a startling comparison. We'll let you figure it out on your own.

When we brought you this video of a news anchor fainting on-air, we didn't realize what a pandemic passing out on live television actually is!

And we all thought that the morning news team with the wackiest antics was over at NBC. Clips like these are the real reasons to wake up in the morning.

Finally, we understand why Mika Brzezinski constantly looks crazed and upset: because Joe Scarborough gets his kicks from constantly humiliating and belittling his co-host.

If you think the banality of broadcast news is unbearable, good news: this narcoleptic news anchor agrees with you!

New York magazine hints around at Shepherd Smith's gayness as best it can in a Q&A today with the Fox anchor. What's hanging above his couch? "Nothing, nobody," Smith answers. And the last Broadway show he saw? The magazine's 2005 profile of CNN anchor Anderson Cooper carried some heavy subtext as well. "Cooper couldn't have looked more put-together in his impeccably modern black suit, crisp pink shirt, and perfectly knotted purple-and-blue tie," it read. A pink shirt! And crisp, no less! Whatever could they be implying? Enough, we say, it's 2008 for God's sakes, a news anchor can be whoever he wants to be. Test your gaydar against ours after the jump as we rate five top news hosts' homosexuality using five video clips and a terribly loose interpretation of the Kinsey Scale.