In your aspirational Monday media column: Jimmy Cayne's a rat bastard, Scottie McClellan spawns, Liz Smith groks the email, and newspapers do various sad things:

In a move that surprises no one, Hearst finally announced today that the Seattle P-I will stop printing tomorrow. What took so long?

St. Patrick's day is coming up, and you know what that means: time for New York Post media columnist Keith Kelly's annual "Kelly Gang" dinner event! Famous Irish types, attend or else.

• Yet one more newspaper is folding. Hearst's Seattle Post-Intelligencer will shut down its print operations tomorrow, but its website will live on. [Seattle PI]
• The Sci Fi Channel is changing its name. To Syfy. This is not a joke. [NYT]
• CNN says it plans to "devote the bulk of its news effort this week" to covering the global financial meltdown. How timely! [NYT]
• Are CNN anchors Kyra Phillips and John Roberts secretly dating? [NYM]
• Book sales in the U.S. are down slightly, but they're up in Europe. [NYT]
• Andy Samberg will host the 2009 MTV Movie Awards. [THR]
• Barack Obama will appear on The Tonight Show on Thursday. [The Caucus]
• More on last week's management shakeup at Fox. [Variety]
• Sopranos creator David Chase is back at HBO with a new mini-series. [AB]
• Race to Witch Mountain was No. 1 at the box office this weekend. [AP]

Singapore's wacky totalitarian repression just won't quit! The country's attorney general is charging an editor at the WSJ's editorial page with contempt for "impugning the integrity" of the courts. Also illegal in Singapore: irony. [WSJ]

Andrea Peyser cannot conceal her throbbing sexuality for even the length of a single column. Nor would we ask her to! Her sourpuss writing fairly drips with (unfulfilled?) kink. Today: rock-hard prison sex!

In your sunny Friday media column: Dan Peres has balls, high school reporters have dreams, Arthur Sulzberger has an honest moment, and the media at large has nothing to look forward to:

Conventional wisdom says that smaller local papers are safer than bigger papers, because they have less competition. Then again, an amazing number of people do not give a fuck about their local papers.

In your rumormongering Thursday media column: rumors of layoffs and shenanigans at Viacom and Sesame Street (updated), Felix Salmon jumps the Fort Polio ship, Jay Carney flackery, and a journalism grad is broken:

• Jim Cramer hits The Daily Show tonight. And in what can only be interpreted as an effort to dial down the ass-kicking headed his way, Cramer is now claiming Jon Stewart is "his idol." Good luck with that there, Jim. [HP]
• Should CNBC's Erin Burnett really be making appearances on Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice? Maybe not: "NBC keeps testing the limits between news and entertainment in pursuit of cross-promotional synergy." [NYT]
• "Sully" Sullenberger has scored a two-book deal worth $3 million. [TDB]
• Ann Coulter "has been especially noisy in her self-promotion lately," which may have something to do with the fact her book isn't selling. [Portfolio]
• More and more TV shows are working the recession into storylines. [ABC]
• These are dark days for the newspaper biz, as you've probably heard. [NYT]
• More on Ross Douthat, the conservative blogger who has been hired by The New York Times to take over Bill Kristol's Op-Ed column. [E&P]
• Post staffers reflect on the life and times of Braden Keil, the paper's real estate columnist who died on Tuesday and who will be very much missed. [NYO]

Joshua Trujillo's 145-year-old newspaper, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, will probably stop printing. But the photographer hadn't yet taken his dream shot of the neon globe atop the newspaper's headquarters. So he inflated a kayak.

In your blustery Wednesday media column: the newspaper industry burns, News Corp can't handle hardcore music, NPR needs more black people, and the NYT sells a jet:

Well, this was probably inevitable: Now that everyone in the world is telling newspaper and magazine publishers they need to charge for website access, the big players are reconsidering the idea.

San Francisco Chronicle journalists are trying to talk investors into buying the foundering daily newspaper and restructuring it as a nonprofit, writes the SF Appeal. Who are the ink-stained wretches courting?

Why is Rupert Murdoch buying the Brooklyn Paper, as the New York Observer reports today? Does Rupert Murdoch even know that he's buying the Brooklyn Paper?

You know when a labor union is proposing to eliminate paid vacation and cut pay 5 percent, things will not end well for workers. So it is at the San Francisco Chronicle.

"Citizen journalism" is still often a punchline rather than a serious description of the process of amateurs producing news articles. But hotshot citizen-wrangler Amanda Michel makes a compelling case that's changing.

Brash young blogger Arthur Gregg Sulzberger, son of NYT publisher Pinch Sulzberger, got a real co-byline in the newspaper today! Apparently the Times has assigned the 28 year-old heirreporter some journo-chaperones.

In your philosophical Friday media column: arm-twisting at the San Francisco Chronicle, intellectual thuggery at the NAACP, body-slamming of college papers, and death and rebirth of reporters:

Hearst is preparing to take the Seattle Post-Intelligencer online-only, the largest newspaper to make such a move. Pay and benefits are coming along for the ride.