Nick Jonas, the littlest Jonas brother, has officially completed his transition from young, purity-ring-wearing, boy-band boy to grown-up, Marky-Mark-lite, faking-orgasms-with-topless-ladies cable-television man.

Nick Jonas, who used to sing in a band with his brothers but now takes his shirt off and touches himself in photos, is a magnanimous celebrity. He's willing to give back. If you would also like to grab your crotch in an appealing manner, Nick Jonas knows the secret, and he's ready to tell you.

Nick "The Youngest One, Who Has Diabetes" Jonas appears to be employing the Power of Positive Thinking to transform himself into an American Idol judge.

The jokers in La La Land are going after yet another childhood favorite. Also today: good news for two TV shows, great news for two actors, and sexy news for theatergoers.

Gwyneth Paltrow accepts responsibility for saving a woman's life on 9/11. Terrorists want to maim David Letterman. Jennifer Hudson is prefers losing weight to winning Oscars. The suicidal Housewives star's family might sue Bravo. Thursday gossip is "deeply moved."

On the second episode of Matthew Perry's Mr. Sunshine ever, the show catered a storyline around special guest Nick Jonas. He stars as a teen heartthrob who "wasn't parented property and [is] very rich—a brutal combination."

[Nick Jonas, of popular band Nick Jonas & the Gay 'n Ugly Ones, in London; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Kevin Jonas, aka "The Ugly One" of the Jonas Brothers, was a celebrity contestant on tonight's Minute to Win It. Flanked by his wife (yes, wife), brothers and parents, Jonas competed admirably—and homoerotically. Inside, ~*~fabulous~*~ video highlights. *Snaps*

[Frump Jonas, Hunk Jonas, and Hip Jonas film something surf-themed. Image via Pacific Coast News]

[Disney Channel stars Demi Lovato and Nicole Anderson with their dates, Nick Jonas and Joe Jonas (who is very into this situation, you know, sex-wise) after a romantic date in Los Feliz. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Aniston and Butler are obsessive-compulsive fake-romance rumormongers. Madonna tries for a baby Jesus, Britney sinks to a new low, Kate Moss gets engaged, Kim Kardashian will get a wedding ring when Reggie gets his Superbowl one. Here comes Tuesday gossip.

Nick Jonas wanted to go solo for a change, and his new band—Nick Jonas & The Administration—is the result. Tonight, Jonas performed the title track of his upcoming album, Who I Am, on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Madonna heading into Adour on East 55th Street last night to reportedly meet her ex-husband, Sean Penn, for dinner ... Madonna and Jesus Luz bundled up and wearing face masks as they leave a movie theater after catching a screening of Avatar on Wednesday night ... Steve Schirripa and Michael Imperioli sitting in the stands at a Knicks game at Madison Square Garden ... Blake Lively and Chace Crawford shooting scenes for Gossip Girl on the Upper East Side ... Nick Jonas waving to photographers outside the Late Show with David Letterman ... Jessica Simpson arriving at the Ambassador Theatre on West 49th Street to watch sister Ashlee's performance in Chicago ... and Angelina Jolie filming stunt scenes for Salt.

As the Sheen-Mueller cycle of violence rounds another bend, we have no choice but to end the year depressingly. Tracy Morgan buys lube, Kate Hudson goes "psycho," Jonases contemplate break-up. Should auld gossip be forgot: Thursday gossip lang syne.

• It's been a busy 24 hours for Tiger Woods. Just after admitting he'd "let his family down" yesterday, a voicemail he apparently left for alleged mistress Jaimee Grubbs surfaced and put a nail in his adulterous coffin. Now Rachel Uchitel, one of the other women he supposedly was involved with, is coming clean about her affair and will be giving a press conference later today. [TMZ, NYP]
• Meanwhile, Tiger and wife Elin are supposedly in "intense" marriage counseling. They're also in intense discussions with their lawyers, apparently. Rumor has it they're renegotiating their pre-nup and Elin may collect a "hefty seven-figure amount" if she agrees to stay with him. [CST, Us]
• Tinsley Mortimer's family sounds more white trash than high society. Her mom, Dale Mercer, got into a shoving match recently with the woman who's been dating her ex-husband. George Mercer—Tinsley's dad—says the 29-year-old woman, Krissy Morrow, is merely his "escort" and he's never even kissed her. But Krissy says she married Mercer last month. George says the marriage didn't count since he was "drunk as [expletive]" at the time and because he's married to someone else anyway. Let's hope all this nonsense—like the report Tinsley was seen making out with Constantine Maroulis on Tuesday night—is just another PR stunt for her reality show. [P6]

"I feel bad" for boyfriends whose girlfriends don't send them XXX self-portraits, says Rihanna; Tiger Woods' sexy texts messages are out; LiLo and SamRo make nice. Wednesday's gossip is one nip slip short of a tabloid triathlon.

Nick Jonas (not the ugly one) (but not the cute one?) testified on Capitol Hill today, and guess who acted like a bunch of tween girls: the mothers of tween girls, and the DC press corps. And a Senator!

[Nick Jonas flanked by his two brothers, Joe and Kevin, outside the Letterman show yesterday; image via INF]

Alessandra Ambrosio leaving Bar Pitti with daughter Anja Louise ... Penn Badgley talking on his cell phone in the Village ... Jessica Biel dropping off a package at a FedEx ... Beyonce leaving JFK ... Whitney Port eating lunch in the West Village ... Kathy Griffin leaving her hotel in Midtown ... Ashley Olsen walking downtown ... Heather Locklear arriving at JFK with boyfriend Jack Wagner ... Robert Pattinson getting in a taxi ... Kate Hudson leaving her West Village home with son Ryder ... Rihanna going to a Black Eyed Peas concert at The Griffin ... Alec Baldwin drinking coffee with a friend in Bridgehampton ... Sarah Jessica Parker eating breakfast at Morandi ... John Stamos wandering around ... Hugh Grant leaving a downtown restaurant with a "mystery woman" ... Jeff Goldblum and Rachel McAdams hanging out on the set of Morning Glory ... Gerard Butler walking around ... Nick Jonas arriving at LaGuardia ... and Jessica Simpson going to dinner at La Esquina.

Leo the Great dumped Bar Refaeli, Britney Spears is banging her agent at William Morris, Miley Cyrus dumped her boyfriend and is after Nick Jonas, Lauren Conrad's new novel will be horrendous, and David Carradine bought lots of sex toys.