For the record, the end of days officially began at MisShapes, August 19th, 2006. Pictured above at said location are Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn and designer/walker Narciso Rodriguez.

Friday:

It's a big day here at the BSL: former hipster-hater Joey Arak, having fallen deeply in love with One-Half Nelson, has left us to join his soulmate on an upstate lovefarm. Thus the conch shell is officially passed to Viacom slave Alex Blagg, in whose capable hands you will find solace from the horrors of our local nightlife. Make him feel at home, won't you? Rest assured, his ire is just as fiery as yours.

• An socio-anthropological examination of the JAP and her fitness habits. Naturally, the gym bag is the heaviest weight she lifts. [Fake Jew]
• Anna Wintour acknowledges the un-chicness of Mastic, her vacation town. And yet she continues to own property there. The mind boggles! [The Beach]
• The city passes its "Imette law," inspired by the murder of Imette St. Guillen, who's believed to die at the hands of an unlicensed bouncer. Clubs must now enact all sorts of new safety measures — none of which, you know, will actually prevent a some girl from getting wasted and getting in trouble. But nice of them to try. [NYP]
• Two days after Christina Alisio told the Post that she'd slept with philandering Met Paul Lo Duca, she's hired counsel to go after the media outlets who didn't make her look as hot as she'd have liked. [Philadelphia Will Do]
• The Wives and Girlfriends (WAGs) of major English soccer stars are redefining white trash, wearing high-end apparel bought with their own money and angering designers who hate to see their work on such middle-class bodies. Aw, poor Posh. Then again, maybe we're kind of into the WAGs because they're not an American property. If they were "ours," we'd probably hate them too. [Telegraph]
• The Week is doing kind of well. No, seriously. Don't laugh. [Folio]
• Who isn't working for Radar? It's just as commonplace as using the subway. [Belle in the Big Apple]
• Cocaine + hipsters + Mexico City = obligatory American Apparel reference. [LA Weekly]

• Ghostface, RZA, and the rest of Wu-Tang (RIP, ODB) take over Webster Hall tonight. Expect just as many people on stage as in the crowd. flavorpill]
• Head to the 'Slope and indulge blog-buzz band du jour Takka Takka; they perform with Slowlands at Union Hall. Catch them now before they hit the road with Clap Your Hands Say Whatever. [Brooklyn Vegan]
• Amongst the talent in tonight's Other Talent Show, Post scribe Mandy Stadtmiller will take the stage to reenact Andy Dick's insanity from William Shatner's roast. There might even be some ladybag-grabbing. How could you say no? At $6, it's bargain entertainmnt. Mo Pitkins, 34 Avenue A, 9:30 PM.

• Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings give a 1-2 R&B/Soul punch tonight in Jackie Robinson Park. See the sights above 14th street tonight! [flavorpill]
• We Googled (is that an acceptable usage if we really did use Google?) "Outside the Box" to try and figure out what it is, but we still have no clue. Anyway: free beer. [WUNYC]
• The Martha Graham Dance Company shakes its tail feather at Lincoln Center. Three more respectable events, and we'll finally stop with the David Blaine jokes. [Lincoln Center]

• Boy George's street sweeping causes a paparazzi car crash. Live the Lohan dream, buddy. [OAN]
• The MySpace profiles belonging to Bonnie Fuller, Anna Wintour, and Graydon Carter are fake. Duh, the only profile genuinely belonging to a media bigwig is Atoosa Rubenstein's. The 'Toos loves the 'Space. [AdAge]
• Spin increases its page size to 10x12, making that much more room for Fall Out Boy coverage. [Crain's]
• "Charm School" is a $1600 program that helps men who have trouble talking to ladies. It's kind of like the Pick-Up Artists in The Game, but for wusses. [Reuters]
• The art of gay cruising is not easily mastered. [Manhattan Offender]
• Speaking of Gays, Chelsea really is a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah. It's just a pity politicians have to act like that's a bad thing. [Animal]
• It's somewhat inevitable that any conversation on bad subway etiquette will devolve into an anti-Chinese immigrant rant. [Gothamist (see comments)]
• A national women's magazine searches for a man to go on a blind date with a 29-year-old virgin. Who knew Jane was so cruel? [Craigslist]
• If publicist Stephen Huvane were representing a corporation rather than Jennifer Aniston, he'd be shot dead in the street. Actually, that could still happen. [Media Orchard]
• Of course the Post doesn't care about black people; the only exception is if the black person is a pimp and/or bouncer who murders a young white woman. [Blog NYC]
• The Stations of the Mel: Mel is condemned by the press. "Arrest me not," he telleth the centurion, "for I owneth Malibu. And thou lookest a bit Jewish unto me." [NYer]

• If ballet alone doesn't interest you, try ballet and a little something extra: the Smuin Ballet showcases its moves to Sinatra and Bela Fleck, among others. [flavorpill]
• Fancy-schmancy bookstore Rizzoli sells pretty books for cheap. If you can't be smart, might as well look smart. [Paper]
• Radical Andy reads from his dreamy propaganda in which "the US government has been disbanded by a man who thinks he is dead...and where a boy who talks to trees can shape reality to his every whim." Eat your shrooms and put on your anarchist hat before you go. [WUNYC]

For whatever deranged reason relating to sunshine, yesterday afternoon we found ourselves thrust amidst the well-heeled glamourpusses on the rooftop of Soho House. While were successful in avoiding eye contact, we couldn't help but glance around and notice a proliferation of pink. Waiters bringing out bottle after bottle of rosé to the poolside. Wine glasses filled with various shades of blush. Just one week after Sunday Styles absurdly proclaimed rosé to be the new hotness, and everywhere we looked, people were drinking rose-fucking-ay. The conspicuous consumption of rosé wasn't confined to the exclusive places, either. We even saw rosé in the East Village. Well below 14th.

• This week at Bryant Park: Charade, with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn. The free outdoor stuff can't last that much longer, so hop on board while you still can. [flavorpill]
• Risky Business inspires a crystal egg-filled art show. Because nothing related to Tom Cruise is safe from interpretation. [Paper]
• Mighty Sparrow and Toots and the Maytals rock out as part of the Carlos Lezama Caribbean Music Festival. Maxi Priest will be there; bonus points if you shamelessly sing along to that one song you know. [Prefix]

Good morning! This had to be posted, and it was probably safest to do so before you had your breakfast. Or before we had our breakfast, anyhow. But the hip, retarded kids posing for the party picture pages at Last Night's Party have taken things to the next level, and their acheivement cannot be ignored. Not content to merely flash their milky, saggy breasts for the camera, some sweaty ladies have participated in a shoot titled Barfing Beauties: A symphonic climax of sexy vomit featuring the BK Girls. Stunning, no? Tomorrow, hot indie babes splash around in a diarrhea-filled jacuzzi.

Friday:
• The Fringe Festival takes the city by storm. They may be whackos, but God Bless anyone who allows you to see a play without venturing to Times Square. [flavorpill]
• The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Sonic Youth are all sold. Some of the high-schoolers will inevitably get grounded, though, so you should check Craigslist for extra tickets. Or try again tomorrow. [Prefix]

From faux-suave men's email newsletter UrbanDaddy, which aims to keep you abreast of the latest lifestyle hotness, comes a riddling and obtuse exercise in "service journalism:"

• First an Adrien Brody/Diet Coke commercial, now the Hudson River: watch Lyrics Born rocket its way to stardom tonight at RiverRocks. Rjd2 and Alice Smith are along for the ride. [flavorpill]
• On the other side of our fair isle, the Brooklyn Bridge Park screens Bonnie & Clyde. Head on over for some "seminal counter-culture" and a glimpse at Faye Dunaway before gravity got to her. [WUNYC]
• Lincoln Center hosts an all-girl break dancing extravaganza. And you thought it couldn't get any worse after David Blaine. [Paper]

Fox 411's Roger Friedman must have been too engrossed by shadowing Lindsay Lohan and waiting for her to pick up the bottle of water he needed to complete his anecdote about the actress's reformed, post-dehydration ways at Hyde on Monday night, or was otherwise too mesmerized by the scent of freshly baked cookies to notice the antics of Nicole Richie, who according to the NY Observer's Daily Transom blog, was putting on quite the Young Hollywood triple-threat performance of table dancing, genital-to-genital grinding, and public regurgitation in the very same, tiny celebrity clubhouse:

• For some inexplicable reason, Candi Staton chooses Bowery Ballroom as the venue for her first NYC show in 20 years. Frankly, the Lower East Side could use some Southern soul and gospel. [flavorpill]
• Cheap and charitable: shop for a good cause tonight at the AccesSoiree Sale and Benefit. Proceeds go the Children's Action Network (and your closet). [WUNYC]
• BAM screens a sneak preview of Ryan Gosling's new movie, Half Nelson. Finally — our Notebook DVD was getting all worn out. [Paper]

• Fountains, a group art show, takes its cues from a urinal. A urinal and a dream. [flavorpill]
• Speaking of pee, former urine haven McCarren Park Pool hosts a screening of The French Connection. Music starts at 7, movie at sunset. [SummerScreen]
• If there is anyone worth schelpping to Long Island for, it's Bret Michaels. Poison plays at Jones Beach tonight; bring extra lighters for "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." [Paper]

Has it come to this, people? Has it really gotten so inauspicious out there that the beautiful people must take to hurting one another? Apparently so. Reformed bachelor (ha, we love writing that) Fabian Basabe has filed suit against exclusive den of sin Bungalow 8 and its alpha-doorman Armin Amiri, claiming that Amiri clocked him when he tried to bring a group of friends past the pearly gates. Bungalow headmistress Amy Sacco denies any such incident took place, but that's not stopping Basabe, who says, "I'm not going to let them get away with it." And honestly, the $2 million Basabe's seeking barely covers the cost of his pain at never having a chance to call Amiri a "sand negro."

• The Flying Luttenbachers are not a circus act, but their music kind of sounds like one. [flavorpill]
• Nothing says "Cold War thriller" like Old Blue Eyes and picnic blankets in Bryant Park. Catch the Manchurian Candidate and revel in your thriftiness. [WUNYC]
• One Ring Zero at P.S. 122 features an all-star cast including, but not limited to, Jonathan Lethem, Margaret Atwood, Paul Aster, and Dave Eggers. Fawn over writing/Brooklyn royalty tonight at 7. [Paper]