It's Friday, and that means it's time for our favorite exercise in visual punishment, Blue States Lose! The routine is torturous, but we nevertheless look at retarded pictures of fucked up hipsters on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Alex Blagg buys himself 17 new Eastpaks.
• Maybe we just love the image too much, but when we see Paris Hilton in handcuffs, we have to think she's enjoying herself. Hell, just another romantic night for the lady. [TMZ]
• Ellen: What's the deal with blogs? [BWE]
• Is CBS looking to team Campbell Brown and Anderson Cooper as co-hosts for The Early Show? Just some advice to the network brass: if you put those two in captivity, they're not gonna mate. [Fox411]
• Blogosphere alum and Vanity Fair online editor Andrew Hearst hits the print edition, makes magazine funny. [VF]
• The majority owners of celeb-hive nightspot Butter are suing co-owner Scott Sartiano for using club profits to further his lavish lifestyle. Well, duh. [NYP]
• Thanks to the Johnny Walker Blue Label Index, you can now determine exactly how much you're being ripped off by chic watering holes. [Eater]
• Making Park Slope mommies look downright appealing. [CookieAssortment]
• We know she's just lifting her voice towards the heavens or whatever, but Dawn Eden should not be allowed to sing. Or, at the very least, she should not be allowed to record herself singing. C'mon, girl, have some shame. God likes 'em modest. [Feministing]
The beautiful, starving locusts of Fashion Week are descending upon us all, sucking the blood and vodka out of the city until nothing's left but a few ratty old tents and some empty bottles of champagne. The madness officially starts tomorrow, but last night Fashion Week Daily — the freebie fashion gossip publication that litters the front rows of practically every show — started things out with a soiree at Tenjune. The invite indicated that music would be provided by the MisShapes, obviously making this the sort of event worthy only of the lowest member on the company totem pole, new GawkSlave Stephanie. After the jump, she admits to destroying her camera because she was acting kinda slutty.
• After a three month delay due to "bad weather,", would-be CIA agent Anderson Cooper finally speaks at the 92nd Y. New York rejoices, Chelsea dances, and Julio starts to sing. [NYM]
• Conde Nast presents Fashion Rocks. Inhale. Christina Aguilera, Beyonc , Bon Jovi, The Black Eyed Peas, Daddy Yankee, Jamie Foxx, Jay-Z, Elton John, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, Nelly Furtado, The Pussycat Dolls, Rihanna, Scissor Sisters and Kanye West, all part of Fashion Rocks. Exhale. Breathe. There's a chopper waiting to take you there. [NYM]
• So you think you can dance? Drop it like it's hot with Japanese hip-hop legend DJ Krush. Complimenting the performance are three break dancers, two turntables, and one scantily clad groupie. [flavorpill]
• Liberals congregate in Central Park to hear prose from David Hare's political play Stuff Happens. Liberals agree Bush is an idiot. Liberals exchange phone numbers in hopes of a future booty call and/or husband. Everyone goes home happy. [flavorpill]
• Sir Elton Hercules John serenades Manhattan power couples, and anyone else who can afford a $500 ticket, with heartfelt renditions of Candle in the Wind and Can You Feel the Love Tonight at a benefit for his personal AIDS Foundation. A magenta tuxedo is optional. Waterproof mascara is mandatory. [NYM]
• The Varsity Letters Reading Series features sports-based readings from dudes who play Fantasy Football. Tonight it's Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer author and Styles trendmaster Warren St. John and BoSox bitch Seth Mnoookin. [Paper]
From this weekend's Styles section, a little nightlife preview:
On Sunday night, one of New York's finest, most absurd traditions — the Motherfucker party, held on those blessed nights when the next day is a holiday — held its annual Labor Day party at Avalon. The dress requirement was "ghoulish," which was pretty easy for the downtown kids, whose endless supply of goth makeup makes them ready for any occasion. Our dark and skanky shutterbug Nikola Tamindzic was in attendance; his NSFW "party art" after the jump.
• Murder! (Abe Lincoln is assassinated). Sex! (Yet, Mary Lincoln preserves their "eternal love.") Betrayal! (Mary's only son threatens to put her in an asylum.) Violence! (Mary fights politicians). Set it all to song and dance, and Asylum: The Strange Case of Mary Lincoln makes its Off-Broadway premiere. [Paper]
• Celebrities, socialites and a few lucky mistresses will congregate under Capitale's 65-foot ceiling for the invitation-only party celebrating the 25th anniversary of Guess Jeans. Underage and underpaid magazine interns stalk the streets of the Lower East Side in hopes of catching a glimpse of Lindsay Lohan. Go ahead, you know your cameraphone wants you to. [WUNYC]
• Dance to the Presets as they engage in "electro stabs and candy-coated squelches." They're Australian, so do it for the Crocodile Hunter. [flavorpill]
Friday:
• We're not sure if the Pill's description of Spinto Band is actually positive ("perennial up-and-comers" seems vaguely condescending), but we promise they'll rock your little socks off. And if you're still in town at 6pm on Labor Day weekend, you don't have shit else to do. With Dirty on Purpose at South Street Seaport. [Flavorpill]
• It's the penultimate tour stop for pretty boy and dubious Cameron Diaz paramour Justin Timberlake. Alternately, spare yourself the preening tweens and cash and just watch the VMAs at home. [Upcoming]
• Local filmmaker Peter Josyph presents his book, Liberty Street: Encounters at Ground Zero, which chronicles the making of his 9/11 documentary. Like the Oliver Stone flick without all the capitalist guilt. [New York Magazine]
• German producer Ellen Allien collaborates with experimental act Apparat at Hiro for Orchestra of Bubbles, a "synergistic nebula of ominous strings, turbo-charted synths, precision-guided beats, heartbreaking melodies, and mutated vocals that dances to trance's pots-millennial implosion." Evidently, you need a graduate degree to write about techo these days. [Flavorpill]
• Flavorpill's much better than us at stringing together somewhat pretentious sentences in praise of relatively obscure bands, so: check out the "propulsive rhythms, exotic melodies, electro-bleeps, and shouted chants" of Supersystem with the "quirky numbers, screamy rave-ups, electronics-enabled sound design, and pseudo-twang vox" of Bound Stems at Mercury Lounge tonight. [Flavorpill]
• Something about Joe Trippi, Jeff Jarvis, Jason Kottke, Meg Hourihan, the rise of Howard Dean and the fall of Dan Rather, all rolled into one big fat Blogumentary. Whatever, we lost you at Jarvis. [Upcoming]
• David Remnick and New Yorker music critic Alex Ross, among others, gather at KGB Bar for a roundtable discussion on Bob Dylan. Because you've been waiting forever to ask why Dylan doesn't play "The Hurricane" anymore. [KGB]
• Grab some kimchi and head over to the Korean Film Festival, which kicks off tonight at the Anthology Film Archives. Don't expect any glimpses into the next Tarantino flick, though—the Festival is light on gunslinging blockbusters and long on black-and-white period pieces. [Flavorpill]
• Eternal Sunshine director Michel Gondry sticks his quirky little head into the Apple Store in Soho to discuss his new movie. Dozens of Tisch students scurry home to edit their grad school final projects on their MacBooks shortly thereafter. [Paper]
• Numerous fancy-pants restaurants around the city take part in Share Our Strength's Restaurants for Relief Night, with a certain percentage of sales going to Gulf Coast rebuilding efforts. Nothing says "Never Forget" like washing down coddled eggs dipped in black-truffle pur e with a nice glass of Pinot at Per Se. [New York Magazine]
• Ahh, the curious charm of U.S. Open: where, over the next two weeks, 650,000 people will gladly pay through the nose for the privilege of dining on overpriced lobster roll as they watch players with last names they can't pronounce. If you're gonna go, avoid Arthur Ashe stadium for the high-quality play (and better seats) of the outer courts.
[Flavorpill]
Friday:
• 1) Ted Leo and his anthemic Pharmacists make their annual stopover at
South Street Seaport tonight, this time with "ruffian punks" DC
Snipers and "hype brewing rock kids" Tokyo Police Club. Nothing quite
so punk like politically-charged lyrics on a quaint tourist-mobbed
Pier. [flavorpill]
• 2) If ever you were looking for the chance to meet Andy Roddick and
test out the speed of your serve, this is it: Tennis Magazine hosts
"Grand Slam," an assortment of pre-US Open festivities at Grand
Central Terminal today. [nymag]
What's worse than being stuck in your cubicle death chamber on a summery Friday? Looking at photos of hipsters, of course. Nevertheless, we persevere, sorting through the asstastic imagery found on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Alex Blagg tries to get in Leigh Lezark's pants.
If you're a normal human being, you probably come on here needing an Hipstetta Stone to decipher all the ironi-cool hipster jargonacular (maybe vernargon is better?). Blue States Lose is helpful, but fortunately for you (and us), someone directed us to this video that provides way more than we need to know on Leigh Lazark, and, um, those two other guys responsible for MisShapes.
• Dave Eggers, Sarah Vowell, Jon Stewart, John Hodgman, David Byrne, singer-songwriter John Roderick, and (exhale) Sufjan Stevens congregate at Beacon Theater to raise money for Eggers's kiddie training center 826NYC. About as close to a literati wet dream as you can possibly get without importing a Jonathan from Brooklyn. [Upcoming]
• Princesas, a film about the existential dispair of two Spanish whores, opens today at IFC. We'll go out on a limb and say this probably isn't the best date flick. [flavorpill]
• Didja hear? This band will totally change your life: The Shins play hipster playpen McCarren Park Pool tonight. [Paper]
• First two nitwits attempt to navigate the entire subway system in one sitting, now 192 Books looks for a bunch of nitwits to participate in a continuous reading of a new English translation of Don Quixote, an event expected to take a mere 48 hours. Please, please tell us you have something better to do. Even TiVo counts. [Upcoming]
• Eight-foot plywood phallus + fetish objects fashioned from toilet plungers + nipples recreated in yarn= a great place to get your riot grrl on (or to get on a riot grrl). All at Exit Art's Wild Girls, which ends this Saturday. [flavorpill]
• Ian Svenonius (Nation of Ulysses frontman) and Calvin Johnson (founder of K Records, invented "twee") team up at Tonic for a DJ set. For free! Don't act like you're not into it, 'cause we know your ass is broke. [Paper]
• Madonna's tour was ridiculously inaccessible, so B.B. King's hosts the next best thing: a bunch of impersonators singing the same songs for a fraction of the price. After a few drinks, you won't even be able to tell La'Shelle from the Material Girl. [Paper]
• It's not your last chance to see Rocky, but it is your last chance to see Rocky at the Bryant Park Film Festival, which ends after tonight's showing. See how many times you can scream, "Yo, Adrian!" at the screen before someone throws an empty beer can at your face. [Upcoming]
• Matthew De Gennaro likes to play the wire; David Grubbs digs minimalist piano ballads. See their experimental madness tonight with Alog — a Norwegian duo that works in "detail-rich puzzles of samples, field-recording snippets, and live instrumentation." Just another offering from your high-minded friends at Flavorpill. [flavorpill]
