• We think this Internets thing is gonna be huge. Videobloggers agree and tonight screen their collected works culled from the reaches of the superhighway. Video and internet automatically equals porn, so it should be fun. [Upcoming]
• Have you heard of this guy, Ben Kunkel? No? He wrote some book about a confused 28-year-old with decision-making problems. We hear it's gonna be big. [Happy Ending]
• The New Pornographers (and old Pornographer Dan Bejar) play you some nice pop tunes at Webster Hall tonight. Get the early and soak in the sounds of Destroyer. Trust us, it's worth braving the monsoon. [flavorpill]

A little NIMBYism, Manhattan style:

• Esquire crash test dummy A.J. Jacobs appears at Strand Bookstore tonight to participate in a trivia quiz tie-in for his book, The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World. If you don't actually want to go, feel free to outsource someone in your stead. [Strand]
• The editors of the Onion read from Embedded in America: Complete News Archives Volume 16 at the Astor Place Barnes and Noble tonight. Go and heckle them about their softball skills. [Upcoming]
• Fag-tastic comedian Graham Norton riffs on all things gay (sample topics: casual sex, Craiglist, and chatrooms — his examples, not ours) in the first of a 12-show set at the Village Theater. [flavorpill]

All Bono wants is you. And a Meat'normous sandwich from Burger King.

• Brits Kieran Hebden (aka Four Tet) and Jamie Lidell perform at Bowery Ballroom tonight. Flavorpill claims "you won't see a better 'laptop' show this decade." We dare not argue with such clairvoyant gusto. [flavorpill]
• Joan Didion's newest work, The Year of Magical Thinking, chronicles her attempt to deal with the sudden death of her husband (novelist John Gregory Dunne) while her only daughter lays in a coma. We generally prefer not to shatter our fragile and highly skewed perception of reality with actual perspective, so we re not touching it. But we've read it's good. Union Square Barnes and Noble, 7pm. [TONY]
• The benevolent folks at Bookforum throw "A Night of New Orleans" at Cooper Union's Great Hall, featuring readings by Robert Stone, Donna Tartt, Roy Blount, Jr. and others. Better late than never, we suppose. [Bookforum]

Friday:
• Flavorpill teams up with the Guggenheim to bring you First Fridays, a monthly DJ party at the museum. We always thought our appreciation of 13th century Russian artwork would be augmented with some thumpin' drum and bass. [flavorpill]
• Like every other potential Nobel Prize frontrunner in recent history, Bono follows kicks off his weekend with a show at MSG. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
• Who is the Most Complex Conceptual Artist of Our Time? Fuck if we know, but head to Avalon (not a misprint) tonight at 10pm to find out: Works by everyone to Andy Warhol to Salvador Dali will be on display, and you get an open bar for your efforts. Who knew shitty Guido club-going could be so, like, intellectually stimulating?
• Bet you didn't know Architecture Week is about to kick off in New York, with hundreds of sites spread over all five boroughs opening their doors for you to come pass judgment on. We couldn't think of a better time to trek all around the city via subway visiting important landmarks. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• 26 cats and 7 clowns shimmy up poles, leap from 20-foot platforms, walk tightropes, and ride dogs barebacked. You can't make this shit up. [flavorpill]

• The wit and wisdom of Anderson Cooper: "Going gray is like ejaculation. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." If his $1 million book deal means we'll read prose half as stunning as this, we're sold. [CNN]
• This man is NOT the Jeffrey Goldberg from the New Yorker. [Goldmark]
• After a brief mess with immigration officials, Martha Stewart has been permitted to head into Nova Scotia this weekend, where she will row a 600-lb. pumpkin across a lake. Aren't Canadian matters of national security so quaint? [Reuters]
• Sleep soundly, Manhattan: NYPD has arrested yet another evil graffiti artist. [NYP]
• Exclusivity-obsessed masses, your next stop is The Back Room on Norfolk Street. And so La Esquina fades into obscurity. [Eater]
• Two years after his retirement, rapper Jay-Z plans on making a comeback. Yeah, you didn't see that one coming. [ContactMusic]

Amanda Scheer Demme's anti-fabulosity defenses seem to have sagged to an all-time low. Recently, she was unable to stop Blues Traveler frontman John Popper from turning the Tropicana into his personal erotic amusement park, and was equally unsuccessful at preventing the dead from bellying up to the bar. Now she's allowing actresses with dead careers onto her once-formidable guest-list. Says a reader:

• De La Soul headline a show at Central Park sponsored by Al Gore focus-group lovespawn Current TV. Because nothing says "cutting edge youth culture" like a band who released their seminal album in 1989. [TBTV]
• Kurt Vonnegut sips on some good old-fashion haterade with Pulitzer Prize winner Art Buchwald, Air America scribe Barry Crimmins, and The Realist founder Paul Krassner as part of the New York Society of Ethical Culture's "Beating Around the Bush." Don't worry, the name of the program is likely less clever than the participants. [SevenStories]
• Brooklyn-based stellastarr* play a sold-out show at Irving Plaza tonight with Giant Drag and The Twenty Twos. Scalping is imminent. Nada Surf play Bowery if you like your music more ironically sentimental. [flavorpill]

• So, last week we said that we were officially waving goodbye to Katrina benefits in the to-do list. Yeah, we lied. Tonight at Mo' Pitkins, Vice Records' Adam Shore and MTV Unplugged's Alex Coletti bring you (we kid not) "When Every Second Counts: How to Organize a Successful Benefit Concert ASAP," plus the tunage of Dave Deporis, The Black Spoons, and Bravo Silva. After all, it's always good to stock up on batteries, non-perishable food items, and disaster-related indie marketing expertise before the next hurricane hits. [MoPitkins]
• Mike Albo, Gary Shteyngart, Adam Haslett, and The Believer's hot-tubbing editor, Heidi Julavits, read from some of the works of Italy's best young writers as part of The Writer s Life: Italy and America at the Used Book Caf . Wine and cheese to follow, natch. [flavorpill]
• The Decemberists play Webster Hall. If you can t make time to hear Colin Meloy s quaint little pop ditties tonight, you ll get another chance tomorrow. [Upcoming]

• Another Bullshit Night in Suck City writer Nick Flynn tells you how he spent his early twenties being an alcoholic bum at a reading at Sebastian Junger haunt Half King. We re still waiting for our turn to pen a memoir about being an alcoholic bum in our early twenties. [Half King]
• Architecture in Helsinki are actually from Australia, but they play Warsaw at the Polish National Home in Brooklyn tonight. Quirky chamber pop has never made us feel more mislead, or multinational. [Paper]
• Tonight s Hurricane Katrina show at Bowery Ballroom featuring Sufjan Stevens, Adam Green, and Grizzly Bear is, unfortunately, sold out. Though if you haven t given to the Red Cross by now, attending a single benefit concert likely isn t saving your soul. [flavorpill]

Friday:
• Detroit's Electric Six, says Flavorpill, has a "reputation for campy disco among the hipster cognoscenti." We can't imagine how this is possibly a selling point, but they play at Bowery Ballroom. [flavorpill]
• See how funny Curb Your Enthusiasm star Jeff Garlin is without cranky Jew sidekick Larry David when he performs standup tonight at Caroline's. [Caroline's]
• Or you can just crash the Miramax party at M1-5, where we hear the open bar is also open to you, Joe Public.
Saturday:
It's time for a classic Battle of the Boroughs!
• Indie legends the Pixies and Gang of Four headline the Across the Narrows Festival in Brooklyn (along with Built to Spill, Rilo Kiley, and Death From Above 1979). [Upcoming]
OR
• The Killers and Interpol take the stage in Staten Island. We'll be damned if we're breaking our Staten Island cherry over this, so Brooklyn it is. [Upcoming]
Sunday:
• Madlib, J-Rocc, and Cut Chemist take the stage with some Brazilian drummers at Spirit (for free, no less). Regardless, you're gonna have to try a lot harder to drag us away from Desperate Housewives. [RareForm]

We always enjoy a nice after-work drink or three, so we were thrilled to see this show up in our inbox last night:

• Princeton prof Paul Krugman speaks at the 92nd Street Y on topics ranging from as Social Security to international trade. The $25 ticket price, unfortunately, is not included in your TimesSelect package. [flavorpill]
• AIDS activist Larry Kramer and New Yorker scribe Michael Specter appear at The Strand bookstore to discuss Kramer's latest book, The Tragedy of Today's Gays. We're not even touching this joke without a pair of latex gloves. [Strand Books]
• Imaginary Socialite and Fashion Week Daily scribe Faran Krentcil and College Humor's Jakob Lodwick are among the participants in Paper Magazine's "Noisemakers under 25" panel. Huh, we could have sworn Malcolm Gladwell held a discussion on just this a little while back. [Paper]

• Weirdo San Franciscan outfit Deerhoof play at Northsix tonight in Brooklyn. Look out for Intern Alexis — she'll be the one in the front row with the tatoos and hipster ear piercings, wishing she were Asian. [flavorpill]
• Bellis attempts to hawk Lunar Park in Brooklyn tonight, of all places. That is so not Upper East Side yuppie scum-appropriate. Oh, wait — he's reading in Cobble Hill. Nevermind. [NYM]
• We promise these are the two last Hurricane Katrina benefits we're ever posting: the one at Luke+Leroy has the Scissor Sisters; the one at Marquee (7-10pm) has an open bar. You make the decision. [Paper]

Today's Times quote of the day:

• The creative minds behind The Daily Show screen a bunch of short films they made on topics as diverse as zombies in America, chainsaw-wielding maniacs, and the desperado lifestyle at the IFC Center. There will be a cocktail reception with the filmmakers themselves before the show, in case you like your movies viewed while drunk. We certainly do. [flavorpill]
• A magician, an erotic folksinger, and a naked guy with a fishbowl on his head, a prosthetic leg, and a cod-piece covering his genitalia are all part of "The Jonathan Ames Show," which debuts at Mo Pitkin's tonight at 8:30pm. The show s namesake is also featured prominently, which no longer goes without saying in matters concerning post-modern performance art. [JonathanAmes]
• Bad roommates, like bloggers, generally practice poor hygiene, are prone to erratic behavior and wild mood swings, often smell, rarely leave their apartments, and have poor interpersonal skills. Which is why the topic of this month's WYSIWYG blogger gabfest— The World's Worst Roommate — is so fitting. Write what you know, as they say. [Upcoming]

• Commedia dell Smartass is a Shakespearean romp through high school class hierarchy. Price of admission is up to you ($19 for the rest of the week), so if ever there was a time to be reminded of an era you mostly spent with your head shoved in a toilet, it's tonight. [flavorpill]
• Brit lit hottie Zadie Smith discusses her latest work, On Beauty, at Symphony Space; Freakonomics coauthor Stephen J. Dubner and Jonathan Miles read at Half King. Miles reads an "Ode to fights" essay he wrote for Men's Journal after punching an editor at a staff party — which we'd so pay good money to have seen. [TONY & Half King]
• Pick your favorite amateur video (not that kind, you filthy pervert) at UCB's "Channel 102" tonight, where you get to vote on your favorite 5-minute "TV pilot." The winning entry, unfortunately, doesn't take Joey's spot on NBC, but it does come back next week to square off against a whole new batch of submissions. [UCB]

Friday:
• The 43rd New York Film Festival is the biggest thing to hit Lincoln Center since, um, the CMJ Festival last week. Still, go check it out — nothing gets the intellectual masturbation going at a cocktail party faster than a discussion of Mitsuo Yanagimachi's "Who's Camus Anyway?" [flavorpill]
• The New Yorker Festival kicks off today as well, with a series of tandem readings (Michael Chabon and Stephen King! Zadie Smith and Jonathan Franzen! A.M. Homes and Jeffrey Eugenides!), a "High Rollers Steak Dinner" poker game, and a town hall-style meeting on Iraq. Your options are pretty much confined to the latter — everything else is sold out. [NYer]
Saturday:
• Evidently, one-hit wonders Nada Surf have been playing sold-out shows in Europe ever since they dropped that Popular song here and then sort of fell of the map. They play a free show in Williamsburg tonight to get things swinging stateside. [Paper]
• Speaking of popularity contests, ticket sales for today's lineup at the New Yorker Festival give us a good idea of whose on top of the totem poll: Malcolm Gladwell and Sasha Frere-Jones got it; fashion scribe Judith Thurman and police chief Raymond Kelly don't. Should have bought tickets earlier, culture snob. [NYer]
Sunday:
• Have you heard of the Shins? Dude, they ll totally change your life. The White Stripes, too. They're gonna be big. [flavorpill]

Eric Alterman, Michael Stipe, and Arianna Huffington walk into a bar...
On Wednesday night, Gawker publisher Nick Denton decided to be a little less selfish than usual and threw a soiree in honor of Arianna Huffington. The Huffington Post founder was in town to distribute air-kisses and feta cheese, which is as good of an excuse as any to fill Denton's loft with 500 billion of our closest frenemies. After the jump, media clusterfucking and chaos courtesy of staff pornographer Nikola Tamindzic.