Five hundred dead! Where were you when the Central Park Treepocalypse happened?

Just when you think there are no good jokes about Williamsburg left, a patriotic actress strips on the L train for art's sake, making a story for New York's foremost vagina journalist, and all is well again. [Beware! NSFW art!]

Some mean person on the internet made a blog saying model Liskula Cohen was a skank, so she took Google to court and got the blog shut down. Now, the skank de grace: the secret name-caller will be revealed.

Jury duty for the Brooke Astor trial is hell: since April, they've had to stare at her thieving son's face and endure testimony from Graydon Carter and Henry Kissinger. Now random subway crazies are attacking the jury, with knives.

Possession of a small amount of weed in New York is only punishable by a ticket and a small fine. So why do cops bring so many people to NYC jails for the same violation? They use tricknology.

The High Line is the fancy railroad track-park on the West Side of Manhattan that was lobbied for and coveted by celebrities and the rich. Now they've got it! And they'd like the neighbors to pay for it.

All the smart/ cowardly politicians bailed on the NYC mayor's race when Mike Bloomberg strongarmed himself back onto the ballot. But there is still a handful of comical challengers to our Mayor-for-life! Below, a guide to the losers.

New York's most important issue is Saving the Beatrice Inn. But alas, it looks like the return of the elitist coke den is not meant to be. Chloe Sevigny may not be the city's biggest power broker, after all.

Downtown artist Dash Snow died of a heroin overdose last week. The formation of his legacy is well underway. Was he an authentic artist with a tortured soul, or a selfish jerk who left his daughter fatherless?

The dreaded Mexican Pig Flu will be back. Oh yes. Of that, there is no question. A few months from now, you will wake up to hear daily Swine Flu Reports sandwiched between weather and traffic. Not a joke!

Cops busted the teenage punk behind a Fight Club-aping Upper East Side Starbucks bombing that was like a bad issue of Adbusters come to life. Well, happy endings: he got what he wanted in prison: punched. Also, Starbucks and booze?

Authorities say they have caught the mad bomber whose small homemade pill-jar bomb harmlessly rocked an Upper East Side Starbucks—and the world—in May. New York has been spared untold Fight Club-inspired terror!

The Way We Live Now: In Manhattan! You can rent office space there now, cheap! Well, not you. "You" are a part-time chicken farmer and failed celebrity chef. But, you know, other people can rent in Manhattan!

Dash Snow, who died last night at the age of 27, took Polaroids, wrote graffiti, made collages and installations, and jacked off on newspapers (and was aware of how that was perceived). A dozen of his artworks, below.

Some joker slipped some pornography into an Austin Powers video at a Brooklyn public library, and a grandma was shocked when she rented it. "Ha," you might exclaim, in reaction. NYC's most objectionable assemblyman objects to your "unbelievable chutzpah"!

Multiple sources tell us that Dash Snow—photographer, semen artist, graffiti writer, and embodiment of the downtown NYC scene—has apparently died of a heroin overdose, two years shy of his 30th birthday.

In your failure-prone Tuesday media column: The Printed Blog does not revolutionize the media, the Washington Post investigates endlessly, the newspaper industry declines more than 100%, and—what's this?—the City of New York wants to give money to you!

The results of our poll to find America's best city for journalism, story-wise, are in. Chicago surged into second place thanks to a characteristic ballot-stuffing campaign, but in the end, good sense prevailed. Full results below!