From left: Jay-Z, Nas, and 50 Cent pose for their senior class portraits.
In honor of Death Row Records founder Suge Knight's celebratory VMA cap in the leg, the sneaky fellows over at The Smoking Gun got their hands on a secret NYPD dossier devoted exclusively to the shenanigans of our city's finest hip-hop stars. Upon running through the pages, we were impressed to learn that when attacked, sweet little 50 Cent called the authorities himself. Interesting, as we always figured he'd be the type to douse his chest in bourbon, remove a bullet and stitch himself up without ever saying a word.

After a weekend full of disappointments and facing a week when everyone is on vacation (be it mental or otherwise), thank God we have some sort of news to strengthen our hope that, no matter what, NYC IS EDGY:

You, mass transit-using denizens of New York, have a choice to make. You can either:

Poor 50 Cent. After the rapper's show last night at Madison Square Garden (which capped off a fun-filled day of book signing), members of his posse, G-Unit, were pulled over at 41st Street and Eighth Avenue for running a red light. Sticking true to the stereotypes, the cops found more than traffic violations:

In the latest, extra beautiful issue of New York mag, media-whore-cum-foodie Kurt Andersen comes forward to point out that, in light of the subway bag checks, it's remarkably unwise to ignore the obvious racial profile of would-be terrorists. We're not gonna touch that one with a 10-mile pole, but we did enjoy learning about the alternate philosophies behind the NYPD's anti-terror tactics:

Contrary to popular belief, the defacement of this poster was not sponsored by the New York Civil Liberties Union.

• You've just won the New Yorker caption contest. Where are you going? To talk to some blogger, apparently. [emdashes]
• That Meatpacking movie theater of which we spoke? Yeah, maybe not so much. [The Reeler]
• We have no idea what one protests with a sex doll labeled "NYPD," but we're sure we agree with their cause. [Blottered]
• Jann Wenner's OCD apparently doesn't extend to the ladies' room. Much like many of Jann's other interests. [FishbowlNY]
• The unhealthy part of the oh-so-healthy Greenmarket are its big exhaust-spewing vans. And guess who donated them? [ToTC]

Nick Paumgarten lands what seems like The New Yorker's most boring reporting assignment ever, eavesdropping on cops and passengers on the first morning of subway bag checks:

Predictably, the bag checks in NYC subways are affecting one group in particular: Craigslisters. An always vocal, typically anonymous group, the patriots on everyone's favorite site-of-al-trades will NOT take these bag checks without contributing their running commentary:

Amid all the wild cheers and exuberant applause for the exciting, exciting new policy of subway searches, one private security expert makes an interesting point in the Post:

More from London: A suspected suicide bomber at the Stockwell Tube station on the Northern Line has been shot dead by police officers. No word on whether or not he was planning a new attack or involved in yesterday's handiwork.

Now you can get the fun of endless security lines and invasive security checks, without schlepping all the way to the airport:

As arguably America's cultural capital (or so we'd like to think, anyhow, what with bands like Haunted Pussy running around), New York should take a lot of pride in the talented artists visiting our music scene. Last week, the family-friendly SummerStage series at Central Park, hosted the popular Candian band Broken Social Scene. When BSS's Dave Newfeld and a friend hit Lexington Park to stock up on their necessary pre-show weed (dude, you can't have an arts scene and expect sobriety), Newfeld experienced firsthand NYPD's legendary devotion to public safety: