Three hours and 38 minutes after trading was suspended because of a technical glitch, the New York Stock Exchange has officially reopened.

The New York Stock Exchange suspended all trading at about 11:32 this morning, reportedly because of technical issues.

[Kermit the Frog rings the the New York Stock Exchange opening bell on Monday. Stocks are now sharply higher in early trading. Image via Richard Drew/AP.]

There are questions among the hacktivist collective Anonymous whether today's planned attack against the New York Stock Exchange's website in support of Occupy Wall Street is an elaborate trick to entrap participants or smear the movement. Whatever! It's still apparently kicking off less than two hours from now.

If you were watching CNBC around 4:00 this afternoon, you would have seen today's "Closing Bell" ceremony at the NYSE, featuring Gawker Media's own Scott Kidder and Phil Vuong! If you missed it, though, don't fret—there's video inside.

[The cast of The Expendables rings the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange, prompting Terry Crews to rip off his shirt and roar. Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, and Dolph Lundgren keep their suits on. Image via WENN.]

[For the first time ever, the New York Stock Exchange ran out of guest passes today, when the unrepentant fist-pumpers of Jersey Shore rang the opening bell. Video—and CNBC's awkward expressions of horror—after the jump. Images via Getty.]

Did you happen to catch Maria Bartiromo's interview with Snoop Dogg on CNBC yesterday? (He was in town to participate in something called Global Entrepreneurship Week and rang the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange yesterday.) After the jump, listen to Snoop as he discusses his "brand" and tackles questions like whether you need venture capital financing to start a career as a rapper (you don't!) and whether he had any difficulty "breaking into the culture of hip hop" (he didn't!).

Uh oh! The magical computer formulas that allow Goldman Sachs to continue making money, forever, as the world burns, have been stolen and sent to Germany! The FBI has arrested a Russian immigrant who used to work for Goldman.

The Real Housewives Ring The Opening Bell [NYSE via Daily Intel]
Shares Fall Along With Confidence [NYT]

• To celebrate 1,000 episodes (and 35,892 sound effects), CNBC's resident buffoon, Jim Cramer, rang the opening bell of the NYSE today. [CNBC]
• Sales of romance novels are on the rise, since in times like these, we all just want to indulge in happy endings. Or something along those lines. [NYT]
• Why is the New York Times Co. frantically looking to cut costs at the Boston Globe? For one thing, it's on track to lose $85 million in 2009. [NYO, Portfolio]
• It's hard getting people to pay for newspaper content they now get for free. Let Coke guide you, Arthur Sulzberger Jr.: "Coca-Cola took tap water, filtered it and called it Dasani, and makes millions of dollars a year." [NYT]
• Magazines are blurring the line between editorial and advertising by putting ads on the cover. If they don't, they go bust. Rock, meet hard place. [NYT]

Hilary Duff Opens The New York Stock Exchange [Splash News]

• As expected, Barack Obama has been named Time's person of the year. [Time]
• Oprah has negotiated a deal to produce movies for HBO. [Reuters]
• It appears the end is near for Lenny Dykstra's Players Club magazine. [NYP]
• News Corp. is moving its listing from the NYSE to the NASDAQ. [NYT]
• American Idol was the most time-shifted show in primetime in 2008. [Reuters]
• Cutting web staff seems to be a popular way for magazines to keep their print titles afloat. [NYO]

We're not sure why execs at the New York Stock Exchange decided to invite a man best known for breathing fire and spitting blood to ring the opening bell this morning. But they did, and Gene Simmons dutifully turned up, and the Kiss rocker concluded his visit by chatting with Fox Business. The "market expert" (Fox's words, not ours) isn't too worried about the recession, you'll be relieved to hear. He's downright bullish! "You know what I'm doing down here? I'm buying. Because the Dow is around 8,000. Guess what? It's going to go to 10,000 before you know it!" Watch the full video for more of Gene's thoughts on the bailout, the state of the U.S. auto industry, and our dependence on Mideast oil.

Despite few signs the economy is truly improving (not to mention a good deal of bad news today, like consumer confidence at an all-time low), the Dow jumped nearly 900 points today—its second-greatest point gain ever—as investors looked for bargains and eagerly awaited news of an interest rate cut. The S&P gained 10.7 percent and the Nasdaq was up 9.5 percent on the day, which means instead of photos of sad traders, the news media is now showing off much happier (and cuter) ones. Finally! [WSJ, NYT]

No photos of sad traders today: The Dow posted its biggest one-day jump in history, rising nearly 1,000 points after the central banks pumped billions into the system and various European countries announced plans to guarantee loans and prop up ailing banks. More photos of cheery traders after the jump. [NYT, WSJ]

The Dow fell another 678 points today or 7.3 percent, which means the Dow is now down 39 percent from a year ago. Cue the sad traders! [WSJ, NYT]

Interesting in ringing the opening or closing bell at the New York Stock Exchange? Didn't think so! "'Right now, it can be a little bit like being asked to blow the foghorn on the Titanic,' said Jim Haggerty, chief executive of the PR Consulting Group, which advises companies on communications strategies." [NYT, related]