The Best Worst Batman Fanfic Features Donald Trump and an ATV “Batmobile”
When the faceless editors of Wikipedia decide an article is not fit for public consumption, it’s gone, only accessible to the site’s top editors—at least, it was. But now we’re keeping track of all the articles Wikipedia doesn’t see fit to print, to present you with very best of the site’s weirdest and worst. (Plus: The best amateur Batman YouTube series ever, this week only.) Please, “enjoy.”
Batman: Dark Avenger
Batman: Dark Avenger is a godawful, absolutely incredible fan-made YouTube series purporting to depict the origin story of Ben Affleck’s Batman. We first meet fake millennial Ben Affleck as he returns home to Gotham after 17 years of being whipped by what looks like a very nice dog toy.
This goes on for exactly 20 seconds.
In total, eight episodes exist so far, though the length of each episode can vary from anywhere between four minutes and 30 minutes. I cannot recommend the series highly enough.
Best line:
The article contains a helpful little “facts” section where you’ll gain such insights as
4. Jake C. Young acquired a case of pneumonia while filming the season final in the winter of 2015.
But forget the article. This is about the film, the art—every minute a new journey. Right off the bat, for instance, we get this disclaimer.
This is not how non-profits, copyright violations, or warnings work. Which is an impressive feat already—but it gets better. Allow me to present the disclaimer for episode four:
A non copyright organization. You hear that, Warner Bros legal department?
It’s not all fun and games, though. The series offers some real-word lessons. Also in episode four, for instance, we see what happens when you decide to elect a bewigged child pretending to be Donald Trump as the mayor of Gotham.
Unfortunately Don Trumpet is shot before fake millennial Ben Affleck has time to ride his ATV over and get his hands on him.
I hope we all learned something today.
Why it got deleted:
Because this article is about “a fan fiction film released on YouTube” that has “less than 500 views” and a Facebook page with “50 likes.”
Why it shouldn’t have been:
You know who else judged worth with numbers? That child in a wig pretending to be Donald Trump. And you saw what happened to him.
Henri White
Henri White is a fucking magician. Henri White also runs several very large magic forums.
Best line:
The best line here is not anything written. Instead, it is that which goes unsaid:
It was on his 7th Birthday (October 13th 2000) that Henri would receive a Marvin’s Magic set from a patron of the pub. Henri would go on to perform tricks from this set at his school.
Henri almost certainly got his ass beat daily. Our thoughts and prayers are with Henri and his lost youth.
Why it got deleted:
For being self-promotion and for the fact that no one knows who Henri is.
Why it shouldn’t have been:
You have to let him make it disappear on his own.
Torn Between Two
Torn Between Two is an alleged upcoming romantic comedy about a woman “torn between two rival parties for her romantic purposes, a Mexican school boy named Peso and a Russian baby named Vladimir.” I imagine it to be a loose remake of the Nicole Kidman classic, Birth.
Best line:
I cannot possibly choose, so instead I present the article in full:
Plot Synopsis: Symone, a girl who has dreams and ambitions, has just recently moved to a town named Gilroy, from her home town Tijuana, Mexico. After enrolling in a small school called Pacific Point, she encounters a Mexican schoolboy named Peso at a nearby park. It was love at first sight, however, one day Peso became ill, and Symone decided to stroll through the park on her own. There, she encountered a Russian baby named Vladimir. As soon as the first drop of baby formula came out of his mouth, she instantly fell in love, and she started dating both parties simultaneously without either one knowing. Can she keep this up? Will she choose to marry the amigo, or the comrade? Find out, in this thrilling and heart-wrenching drama.
Disclaimer: All information is subject to change as the film is still under review and development.
Why it got deleted:
Because the editors of Wikipedia apparently can’t handle a plot that challenges you. Also because there are “no sources ... anywhere.”
Why it shouldn’t have been:
Nicole Kidman could use a hit.
List of Bratz dolls
List of Bratz dolls is a list of Bratz dolls.
Best line:
From 2004:
- Secret Date (2-Pack, 1 Girl + 1 Boy) - Cloe, Jade, Yasmin, Meygan, Nevra + Cameron, Dylan, Eitan, Koby, Bryce (1 in 24 chance)
Why it got deleted:
Because Wikipedia editor Treker is rude as hell:
As it is right now it has absolutely no encyclopedic value and is completely unsourced. I constantly see people add nonsense and fancruft to it. I’ve been trying to keep an eye on it but it’s hard when not a single source exists to varify any of the information.
Honestly, Treker, it seems like the real “Brat” in the situation is you.
Why it shouldn’t have been:
Bratz are people, too.
The Bible = God’s Letter to Humankind
This appears to be an explanation of why the Bible exists and/or what its purpose is. For instance, in reading the article, I learned that “The Creator” gave the Bible to “The created (Humankind aka People).” It’s important to keep learning.
Best line:
That there are two driving forces beyond our human senses of touch, taste, sound, sight, and smell. There is a spiritual realm in where The Holy Spirit of God Who testifies to The Lord Jesus Christ, is battling with the spirits of the prince of the world (Satan). That indeed, every person is either following God, or they are following Satan and for any human being to say; “I’m my own person” is foolishness.
All of which seems a little harsh if you ask me. Then again, that’s what the damned would say.
Why it got deleted:
Apparently, this same article has actually been created several different times by multiple accounts that keep getting blocked (I can’t for the life of me understand why). The real reason it got deleted, though, is Satan.
Why it shouldn’t have been:
As always, Satan won.
Honorable Mentions
Canada and the 2016 United States presidential election
