Think back, if you dare, to when you were young. Can you recall the Hamburglar, a pudgy cartoon criminal who wore a striped shirt and whose only dream was to steal all of your McDonald’s hamburgers? Now? He’s got a 401k and a propensity for dressing like Justin Bieber.

In one of those obnoxious “brand updates” that major corporations seem so fond of these days, where customer loyalty is coerced through marketing that promises Cool Shit™ and High-Tops™ (mostly in an effort to appeal to teens), the Hamburglar is now a father who loves EDM and a good vape (or at least pretends to).

Mashable has a statement from Joel Yashinsky, McDonald’s Vice President of U.S. Marketing, who explained what happened to our beloved squat and short Hamburglar last seen in 2002 (probably because he was in jail):

“We felt it was time to debut a new look for the Hamburglar after he’s been out of the public eye all these years. He’s had some time to grow up a bit and has been busy raising a family in the suburbs and his look has evolved over time.”

Feel like engaging on social media with the Hamburglar? The hashtag #RobbleRobble (which I had forgotten is—mysteriously—the Hamburglar’s catchphrase) is probably where you’d find him. Ugh, brands.

Images via McDonald’s/Mashable. Contact the author at dayna.evans@gawker.com.